Top 20 Best To Worst Plowed Towns In Worcester County, Part 1
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We do a lot of complaining at Turtleboy Sports, particularly when it comes to the craptacular job that the City of Worcester does plowing, sanding, and treating the roads. But is Worcester really that bad, or are we just being dramatic? To find out we had to conduct a scientific study by doing a tour de turtle done ride through 20 different towns and cities in Worcester County, taking pictures and documenting how each town and/or city did clearing their roads for drivers. Obviously we can’t get to every town in one bone ride, so we have to divide it up into a northern/western bone ride (which we did yesterday) and an eastern/southern bone ride (which we’re gonna do the next time God buries us in white shit) . We apologize in advance if we can’t document your town, and on this ride we just missed getting to places like Templeton, Lunenburg, Ashburnham, Winchendon, New Braintree, and West Brookfield.
Anyway, we went to the following 20 towns and cities on this ride: Worcester, Auburn, Leciester, Spencer, East Brookfield, Brookfield, North Brookfield, Oakham, Barre, Hubbardston, Gardner, Westminster, Fitchburg, Leominster, Sterling, West Boylston, Holden, Paxton, Rutland, Princeton.
Let’s see how they rank….
1. West Boylston
Easily the best plowed town on the bone ride. Not even close. Nothing but sweet, glorious pavement. Everywhere from that place by the Wachusett Reservoir where your wife made you take engagement photos because that old church glimmers in the fall foliage
To the backroads and side streets
And when you did see snow on the ground, there always seemed to be a plow cleaning it up.
What a novel concept!! Good for you WB.
We entered and exited this town into and from two death traps, so anything would look in comparison. But altogether the town of Brookfield did a surprisingly good job making their roads drivable for the 50-60 people every day who feel the need to travel to Brookfield. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, but the mere fact that you were able to see so much pavement easily puts this town at the top of the list.
If you’re hankering for some crackers or you need to go to Vincent’s Country Store for their world famous pickles, you’re in luck, because the town of Westminster does a really good job with their roads. Some of the side roads left something to be desired, but the main roads were in tip-top condition, and the plows were out and about scooping up the leftovers.
As you can see from the pictures, Holden was one of the first places we hit up. They were at a distinct disadvantage because the sun hadn’t come out to play (the turtle never rests), which meant nothing had a chance to melt, and the morning commute didn’t have a chance to get rid of the snow its own yet. Wachusett Street was a death trap
But everything else was smooth sailing.
This is not a mistake. This is real life. Fitchburg is #5. I would’ve bet my biscuits that the Burg would be hovering around 18 or 19 on this list, which is where they were ranked a couple years ago when we did this. But they actually did a pretty good job. Sure, there were some areas that looked like a bootleg ski resort.
But Fitchburg is an extremely hilly place, and they’ve got lots of side streets they have to cover. The main roads looked great, and you could see actual pavement on several side streets. The same can’t be said for some of the towns that ranked below them. I guess this is what happens when you get rid of that tyrant Lisa Wong.
The main roads in the overpriced furniture city were fine and dandy.
For the most part.
Other streets left something to be desired.
But altogether there were many, many places that were much bigger death traps than Gardner.
Was expecting better. Auburn was ranked #2 when we did this list a couple years ago. They’re well known for having pristine, gorgeous roads that you could eat a meal off of. And some did indeed look excellent.
But then they gradually got worse
But despite the way that street looks, it gets a lot worse the more you scroll down on this list.
Not much pavement to see in Sterling. But, as we will see in other towns, there is a huge difference between compressed snow and chunks of snow. Sterling had snow on the ground, that’s basically a result of being run over a lot, and the blade of the plows not completely touching the ground. This makes it a little slippery, but at least your Prius isn’t gonna get stuck in 8 inches of chunky slushy gray shit.
No complaints about the main roads in Paxton. They were excellent.
But Paxton was a town we got to after we were three or four bones deep into our ride. By then the main roads SHOULD be clear. They get more traffic, and obviously towns are gonna prioritize the main roads. But the side roads in Paxton were a slushy abortion sandwich.
10. East Brookfield
The first thing we saw after we crossed the town line from Spencer into East Brookfield was this:
Warning: East Brookfield is NOT a safe space for Prius drivers. It will eat up your Coexist bumper sticker and steal all your granola bars. There is a section of East Brookfield called Podunk. I swear to God – Podunk. And the streets look like it too. Everything except for Route 9 is basically covered in a packed down layer of Podunk white shit, but at least they keep the chunks to a minimum.
Similar to East Brookfield. There’s nary a pavement siting in town, which will happen when five people travel through your town on a day to day basis. But as you will see, it gets a lot worse than Oakham on this bone ride.
The main roads in Barre were in great condition, because people actually travel through Barre.
But pretty much everything except for Route 32 and 122 looks like your typical Bosnian village after a NATO airstrike.
This was also one of the last towns we visited after we ran out of stuff and had to call Diego for the re-up. There are not many roads in Princeton. There are pretty much no cul de sac neighborhoods that connect to anything. Princeton is all double yellow roads that you use to travel to real towns. They have no excuse for looking this terrible this late in the day. The only road that looked somewhat normal was Brooks Station Road.
But Princeton borders the towns that are ranked 3-4 on this list, and the difference was obvious.
What a shitshow Leicester was. We did a bone ride through Leicester last March and noted how pretty much everyone in Cherry Valley had a plow in their driveway. Apparently they all must be employed in Brookfield or Holden. Stafford Street looked aight, which it should because it gets a lot of traffic from Rochdale and Charlton into Worcester.
Route 9 was fine
But Route 9 was also fine in Spencer, Brookfield, and East Brookfield. It’s easily the most trafficked road in town.
However, everything else was either covered in a layer of compressed white shit.
Or chunky brown shit that looked like it hadn’t even been touched by the blade of a plow.
Leominster hasn’t lost to Fitchburg in anything since Will Early was ripping the Blue Devils a new asshole every Thanksgiving. But make no doubt about it – Mayor Dean Mazerella the battle of the dagos to Mayor Steve DiNatale. Leominster is a city of 40,000 people that gets lots of traffic on a daily basis. Yet the roads were covered in chunky white shit as far as the eye could see. The pictures speak for themselves.
I was shocked to see Rutland this low. They were ranked pretty high last time around. But apparently the Rutland DPW was on strike, because everything outside of Rt. 122A and 56 looked like Khione the Greek Goddess of snow took a massive dump and forgot to flush.
This is improvement people. I would’ve bet Turtleboy Jr’s allowance we’d be 19 or 20 on this list. But we beat three different towns!! Yay Worcester!! Then again, we’ve been putting so much pressure on Ed Augustus and he knew we were coming, so it looks like pulled the ol’ “let’s try to clean it up for Turtleboy” trick. But yea, it still looked like shit. The main roads were a joke.
Lovell Street looked like someone at Lakeside Apartments put Pinky and the Brain in a blender and dumped their remains around Columbus Park Elementary School.
Cut through streets like Coolidge Road and Haviland Street were still covered in compressed snow, but at least they were wide enough to drive through and the chunks were kept to a minimum.
Baby steps people. Baby steps.
Five seconds after crossing the border from Barre we saw this:
Don’t worry, the dog was fine. But it was a sign of what was to come in the death trap known as Hubbardston.
Route 68 is the primary throughway that brings people in Hubbardston to civilization. And as we’ve seen in all these other towns, the busiest roads are always generally cleared. Not in Hubbardston though.
This picture was taken about 100 feet from the town’s elementary school, and about a quarter mile from the center of town.
If they’re not gonna bother clearing the one part of town where people actually have a reason to travel to, imagine what the rest of Hubbardston looked like.
I mean, is anyone surprised? It’s Spencahhh. This is Route 31, which after Route 9 is easily the busiest road in town:
The speed limit is 40, which isn’t recommended unless you wanna destroy your shocks. The Allies had an easier time invading Germany than Spencerites do traveling into Charlton. It’s the worst road I’ve ever seen. And the only way to make it worse is to cover in in 12 inches of snow and then forget to plow it.
And that’s a main road. The side streets were even worse than Superintendent Tracy Crowe’s leadership ability.
20. North Brookfield
What else? Everyone knows North Brookfield is a death trap. It’s what realtors warn you about before buying a home there. You cannot live in this town if you don’t have four wheel drive. It’a a great way to keep social justice warriors out. The crime rate is low and vagrants generally stay far away. But the downside is that the DPW hasn’t worked since the Truman administration. White shit, brown shit, gray shit. North Brookfield is covered in all of it. It’s one gigantic slip n’ slide for residents, and only residents. Because unless you live there, or you’re on a Turtleboy bone ride, you have absolutely no reason to ever travel through North Brookfield.
You agree with our list? And who do you think is gonna get last place on the next bone ride. We’re pretty sure we’re gonna try to hit up 20 of these 25 towns:
Oxford, Charlton, Sturbridge, Southbridge, Dudley, Webster, Douglas, Uxbridge, Northbridge, Sutton, Millbury, Grafton, Upton, Hopkinton, Westboro, Northboro, Shrewsbury, Boylston, Berlin, Clinton, Lancaster, Lunenburg, Bolton, Ayer, Shirley.
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