All-Star Criminals

Turns Out Mary Gelsthorpe, Better Known As Granny McStickyfingers, Is An Appointed Public Servant For The Town Of Bourne Where She Steals From Tip Jars

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Yesterday we revealed the identity of Granny McStickyfingers, an infamous woman in the Bourne area who likes to steal money out of the tip jars at local businesses.

Her name is Mary Gelsthorpe:

And clearly she has no reason to steal from minimum wage workers besides loving the thrill of it all. The vest she’s wearing in that picture is of an expensive yacht club. She just enjoys stealing. There’s no other explanation.

Here’s the thing though – she serves in the town government:

Yup, she’s on the Bourne “Open Space Committee.” Evidently this group decides what to do with open spaces, and they’re appointed by the elected board of selectman:

Does this count as a corrupt politician? I feel like taking up one of 13 spots on an appointed committee, two of which are vacant, might be the least influential politician of all time. Either way, things are gonna get awkward at the next meeting.  And if there’s any open spaces left in Bourne, she’s probably gonna steal them. Just sayin.

5 Comment(s)
  • z
    February 23, 2018 at 11:24 pm

    Keep piling on. Unfortunately she’s never going to do time.

    In another blog I posted how she should be made to wear a sign in front of the establishment stating that she is a dumbass. I’ll amend that to she should get probation with an ankle bracelet with her dragging her ass to the County Court house every 2 weeks for a year to check in.

    The worst she is going to get is the ridicule that she deserves.

  • Mary G update
    February 23, 2018 at 10:32 pm

    Her Linkedin states she is a public recorder for the Town of Mashpee. It isn’t clear, like the Bourne position, if it is current or not. At 66 though, she probably may still be working. In 2010, the Mashpee annual report lists 2011, GELSTHORPE, MARY, C (Salary) $4,186.72 HUMAN RESOURCES. 2011 is the latest. By the by, she also shows up on Bourne’s 2016 Annual report, GELSTHORPE MARY C SUBSTITUTE TEACHER $ 150.00. But for $150, she must have covered one day at a maximum. WHo knows though, she may still be in the pool.

    • Larry Fine
      February 23, 2018 at 10:35 pm

      No wonder they didn’t want to convict her, she’s like the Aunt B of the Buzzards Bay-Bourne region. Only problem is, she a fucking kleptomaniac. That fishing through the money bowl showed some serious greed and discontent for her victims. She had to know that was meant for those kids working right in front of her.

  • Uncle Randy
    February 23, 2018 at 8:48 pm


  • Rhubarb
    February 23, 2018 at 8:34 pm

    Isn’t she on the payroll of another cape town?

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