Hoodrat Heroes

Turns Out The Pawtucket Pork Pancake Begging For People To Pay For His Kid’s Christmas In Facebook Groups Is A Registered Sex Offender From Woonsocket Who Sexually Assaulted A 13-14 Year Old Girl

"I Am Turtleboy" now available on Amazon

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:




 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

 

Earlier today we published this blog about a Pawtucket Pork Pancake who turned his face into an etch a sketch, fired out five fuck trophies, refuses to get a job, collects food stamps and SSI, and now wants everyone else to take care of his family for this holidays.

According to him he couldn’t work because his legs and his eyes and his baby momma’s alleged leukemia and blah, blah, blah. It’s all a sad, pathetic crock of shit. People like this prey on nice people around the holidays and we’re going to spend the next month spreading Christmas joy by calling them out one by one. This fuckery needs to end once and for all.

“Edward James” says that “everyone has a past” which seemingly has nothing to do with the fact that he refuses to get a job and take care of his own crotch fruits.

But it turns out that his use of “everyone has a past” was by design. Ya see, Edward James’ real name is Edward Burton, formerly of Woonsocket, and a quick ride on the Google machine shows you that he is a…….

Registered sex offender! But it’s cool because it’s only level 2. His conviction was far 3rd degree sexual assault of a 13 or 14 year old, and he knew how old she was. Does this look like the kind of guy who would diddle a teenager?

Wait, I know the answer to that one.

So he’s not physically able to work, but he’s healthy enough to stick his joystick in forbidden territory and aimlessly walk the streets of Woonsocket. People who know him tell us that just like we predicted, his legs are perfectly fine. I’m not saying his baby momma doesn’t have leukemia, but the dude is a professional liar and a registered sex offender, so gun to my head I’m calling shenanigans on that one too. She certainly looks like she’s got “the disease,” just not quite sure it’s leukemia.

Get a job you worthless piece of shit. Merry fucking Christmas.

18 Comment(s)
  • Torture him!
    November 28, 2018 at 8:33 am

    Cut his balls off and make him eat them.

  • heaaaavvvy
    November 28, 2018 at 12:14 am

    “Cuz of my legs give out…”

    Anyone else read that and wonder if his “legs give out” because somebody took a baseball bat to them after he assaulted that child?

    BTW – WTF is wrong with his “girlfriend,” that she has her children living with a sex offender? Does the SOR know about that?

  • Pineapple head
    November 27, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    “Get a job you worthless piece of shit. Merry fucking Christmas.” That was amazing

    • Linda
      November 27, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Agreed! Perfect!

  • Retired sex offender chaser and monitor for the government
    November 27, 2018 at 4:32 pm

    I appreciate people saying “isn’t there something to prevent this level (3?) from cohabitating with kids”?

    No there isn’t. The Supreme Court has been clear about convicted So’s rights to the internet and/or free speech. If I am a single woman (and I question whether I am daily ) and have seven crotch trophy’s; I can move in with any sexy offender I want to.

    Unless on probation or parole, they are not bound by any restrictions outside of the local sex offender statute. This often means that they can live by, in front of, or next to schools; and/or co parent or step-parent any number of children. There are many restrictions but not that many …

    To those who say “pigs in a blanket fry em like bacon”.

    I fasetiously say, as a joke of course (of course I would welcome you into my home or church as I am a very tolerant person)

    Pigs in a blanket, fry em like bacon; (retort) got two 9mm rounds to make sure ya cant have grandkids (it rhymes!)

  • Rhode Island is like Mississippi with coffee milk
    November 27, 2018 at 2:19 pm

    The poster boy for Rhode Island, should run for Mayor of Pawtucket next election.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    November 27, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    Color me surprised.

  • Randall Guy
    November 27, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    yeah but what about that caravan.

    • Fuk the Caravan
      November 27, 2018 at 12:45 pm

      Everyone in that caravan should be shot to death the second they try to cross the boarder. They should be left rotting there to show others what will happen to them if they attempt to illegally cross the boarder.

      • Randall Guy
        November 27, 2018 at 5:44 pm

        “boarder” ?

        LOL.

  • Pieces of Shite
    November 27, 2018 at 7:46 am

    The 2 of them should hang out at the railroad tracks.

  • ZeroFG
    November 27, 2018 at 6:45 am

    Maybe his legs got damaged in an accident that may have occurred sometime after it became known that he likes to get with the young stuff. Maybe a few boots to the head got his vision all blurry and stuff?
    Time for tattoo removal by oxyacetylene heat treatments. Let’s help him out.

    • November 27, 2018 at 9:25 am

      I fucking knew deep down he was a dirty little skinning rippadactyl. I fucking knew it! You can always tell a person just by looking at them who they are, or at least I can. I fucking knew it. Hey zerofg: I’ve got the torch already set up and a few 3/4″ 6018 rods to stick in his ears after. You game?

      • ZeroFG, Max Amperage
        November 28, 2018 at 11:22 pm

        If we’re going to get technical…
        One 6011 5/32″ electrode with the tip ground to a point and held in a stinger, gently inserted into the cerebral region at the base of the anterior portion of the skull but only 3/8″ to 1/2″ below the skin to reach the more conductive flesh, with the ground clamp on the scrotum.
        Apply 250 amps, DC+ and watch him ride the lightning.
        There’s groups on MeWe where that video would be a hit, trust me.

  • ... still only his mother could love.
    November 27, 2018 at 6:42 am

    So, besides being a fat tub of whale-shit who looks like a walking carnival freak-show, he likes to diddle little girls, too?
    Apparently, Mr. Dinky Dicky here needs to impress little girls with his micro-phallus…..as no self-respecting woman ( note the words self-respecting) would come within 100 yards of this freak-show.
    I’m sick and tired of supporting these self- indulged animals with my tax-paying dollars.
    Get off your fat, tattooed ass and find a job !
    You found money for all that silly ink.
    You made yourself unemployable with your silly self-indulgence and now you expect pity ?
    Get Fucked, you lazy piece of shit !
    Fuck less, eat less and get a job, asswad !
    Merry Christmas !

  • Y
    November 26, 2018 at 11:19 pm

    Sex offenders usually don’t get hired, rightfully so…

    • Lala
      November 27, 2018 at 12:16 am

      How exactly is a registered sex offender living with 5 children? I would imagine that is a violation of something? Probation? The law? DCYF? The law?

    • whatevuh
      November 27, 2018 at 7:27 am

      Who the fuck would hire him? He made himself unemployable, probably on purpose, but . . . KEEP CALM AND GET SOME ROPE

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It