All-Star Criminals

Turtle Riders Invaded Bristol Blarney’s New Show Which Is A Sad Ripoff Of Turtleboy As She Got A Round Of Applause For Pretending To Cry About Giving Away Her Crotch Fruits



Last night’s Live Show was honestly one of the funniest episodes I’ve been apart of. Needed a good laugh, what with the apocalypse and all. We talked about the coronovirus for a bit, but then we moved onto what people really wanted to talk about – Bristol Blarney’s new show. Yes, that’s right – the woman who gave away two of her kids, had all 4 taken by DCF at one point, and thinks she has the right to shit on other people for being shitty parents, is back making videos about shitty people. It’s no longer called Bristol Crew, but instead has been renamed Masshole Report. Ya got that? they stole someone else’s name and added Report at the end of it. Almost as if she’s completely incapable of creating anything original on her own.

Except there’s just one problem – South Shore Justin, the only person on the show with any sort of talent, didn’t wanna be part of the train wreck any longer. Good for him. Instead they brought in as a cohost a guy who I had on a couple times, but who fell asleep during two live shows and was banned from coming back.

Matty Mo.

AKA Matty Pervier.

AKA Bootleg Bret.

AKA Judas Mo.

This is what Kate is left with – my scraps. Just to be clear, she built nothing on her own. She has a following because I gave her one. She tried and failed at YouTube and blogging before and it never caught on because she’s not funny or interesting. Now she’s just my white trash counterpart pretending to be virtuous. And I will never, ever stop calling out frauds like her.

I know I probably shouldn’t give them attention because they’re irrelevant and will die a slow death if I ignore them. But it was just so hilariously bad I couldn’t resist the urge. I needed the laugh.

It began with Kate “coming clean” about her past, because she knew that I was gonna blog about it on Monday once her harassment order was thrown out in court. Except she didn’t really come clean about anything, and lied through her teeth to her white trash followers. She put on one of the worst fake crying performances of all time, that you simply must watch in the video below (on our channel, not her’s). But of course she got a round of applause from Judas Mo, Trashley Trashevedo and the rest of her cult members.

I shit you not – a round of applause for talking about how she gave away two toddlers. 

The show besides that is basically a cringey spinoff of Turtleboy. Every single character they obsess over (Bucket Boy, Josh Abrams, Anselmo) was originally featured by a blogger not named Kate Peter on Turtleboy. They did a 20 minute segment called, “You might be a ratchet if,” and it was quite possibly the least funny thing you’ve ever seen in your life, which sure didn’t stop them from pretend laughing. Might as well have been called, “let’s say things that poor people do and fake laugh at it.”

Then to make matters even more pathetic they announced that they’re going live on the same exact nights that I do – Tuesday and Thursday. So we stuck around to see Edwin “Takizawa” Salazar, Mike Hilario, Bitch Mitch, and crotch fruit donation Mom talk about Tom Brady and make awkward jokes that they pretended were funny.

The best part of the night was watching turtle riders just INVADE their comments section with turtle emojis.

Why won’t they have me on their show? Almost as if they’re afraid to get called out on their bullshit. Every turtle rider was eventually blocked, and you can hear Kate at the 28:22 mark saying, “oh fuck” when she sees that she can’t hide from the truth.



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74 Comment(s)
  • T.R.
    March 21, 2020 at 12:51 am

    It’s getting close to the point where she will need no help self destructing.
    Throw out the final tidbits of info on her when the time is right and walk away.
    Only reason I click on her stories is because I think about her still having some dynamic tension left in that mud ring. All other points of entry are either too hazardous or have exceeded their wear limits.

    Peace and may most of you remain C-19 free.

  • Mimi
    March 20, 2020 at 7:58 pm

    I can’t believe all the finger pointing and shaming people she does and she’s worse than half the people she blogs about. She’s a true hypocritical piece of shit. That being said, I don’t think anyone who reads TB gives two shits about her or hearing about your beef with her. It’s just not interesting and you’re losing credibility the more you post on her. Kylie Kirkpatrick and that North Andover BOS on the other hand, that’s interesting shit so keep writing about those people

  • Captain Trips
    March 19, 2020 at 10:52 am

    Is it me or does she look like she would have that white-trash ‘cabbage’ smell about her?

    And if she’s looking for sponsors I think Jenny Craig would be a wise choice

  • Whatevah
    March 19, 2020 at 1:39 am

    AZ is pretty dope just sayin I would hit it

  • Bristol = Obese, Liberal Foot Stamp Whale
    March 19, 2020 at 12:46 am

    Would you fuck a 359 lb sack of bowel movement? If so, Bristol’s available. Fat worthless slut.

  • Give it a Rest
    March 19, 2020 at 12:00 am

    Give it up, Bristol sucks but this is getting absurd. No one cares about your “beef” with “Bristol Crew”. It reads like one of your blogs, shitting on stupid people, but you’re the stupid person.

  • Adub
    March 18, 2020 at 11:56 pm

    Comment section is reserved for hardcore keyboard gangstas only. What a bunch of shit talking pussies who would never say any of this if they weren’t hiding behind a computer. Shit, people won’t even say it on video chat. Love how people talk so much shit about TB, yet they are there every blog, podcast, and YouTube vid.

  • Yeah? Think about it.
    March 18, 2020 at 10:44 pm

    By guys.

  • Bristol once went streaking with her friends at Bridgewater St but they stole her clothes after so she had to hide behind a Burger King dumpster the rest of the night and then break into her own locked dorm
    March 18, 2020 at 10:38 pm

    Stop talking about this lady we don’t care

  • Wames Jood
    March 18, 2020 at 10:35 pm

    I am worried about Unc’s mental health… This fatal attraction (and jealousy) had ruined TBS.

    For shame…..

  • Ray Patriarca
    March 18, 2020 at 10:10 pm

    Ok, Uncle TB
    We get the point.
    She’s a cunt.
    Can we please move on? *Yawn*

  • Kike Spotter
    March 18, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    I heard she is half Armenian J∈w, definitely looks and acts like it from what I see. They are one of the sneakiest kind too.

  • Raney
    March 18, 2020 at 8:14 pm

    I’d let her lick my balls

  • Sammy Baugh
    March 18, 2020 at 8:12 pm

    Dr Ed
    Just an update on my hospitalization
    I still have the shakes trying to get off the wild turkey
    On the positive side I know look forward to the Thursday night visits from Darius the large negroe attendant who cornholed me at 1 AM

    Pray for me

    Dr Ed

    Doctor of fellatio

  • Kung Flu
    March 18, 2020 at 8:10 pm

    I will kick Matty Mos faggot azz.

  • MR X
    March 18, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    It came from CHINA. It is called the Wuhan/Chinese virus. Let us give credit where credit is due. China is our enemy. Never forget.

  • Sad!
    March 18, 2020 at 7:33 pm

    Jesus this is getting sad.

    I don’t know which of you is more of a loser.

  • Kate Peters FUPA
    March 18, 2020 at 7:32 pm

    Chick is fucking gross and a horrible excuse for a good mother. She has an ego bigger than her fupa and a crew of losers just as bad as the auditors they obsess over. Honestly drop blogging about her and let her fade off into DCS and alcoholism

  • Awesome News
    March 18, 2020 at 6:40 pm

    The Wall works. Gtest news todsy. A filthy pregnant wet back fell to her death attempting to climb the Wall and break into Americs. A win for the American people

    • spaulding
      March 19, 2020 at 9:43 am

      that’s mean, you should retract your statement you filthy homo

  • Lee Ho
    March 18, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    They need to take Bristol and her whole show and put it in a trash compactor.

  • Sprinkle Pig
    March 18, 2020 at 6:24 pm

    I’ve honestly never seen a bigger bunch of losers in my life then the so-called Bristol crew. Honestly the worst group of people ever. All of them combined could never have started something like this without riding turtle boys back and then trying to steal from him. You guys didn’t create anything. And we all know that. When you look in the mirror you know what complete losers you guys really are you’ll never admit it but it’s true and we all know it. Bristol you can surround yourself with all the losers in the world if it makes you feel better about giving up 50% of your kids all while they give you round of applause and you fight back your crocodile tears you are quite possibly the worst mother on the planet and deserve everything that’s coming your way. You are a fucking piece of shit. Take a good look at the losers that you’ve surrounded yourself with your entire life you are pathetic and getting exposed by turtle boy isnt enough you deserve way worse that’s coming. Any mother that can give up half of her children is no mother at all no matter how many excuses you come up with to tell yourself you’re some sort of hero you’re not. Youre a waste of skin. Please go fuck yourselves.

  • Quality Content??
    March 18, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    WTF! What happened to Turtleboy? You actually used to cover good stories! Now all you ever bring up and write about is your ex-blogger, Bristol/Kate! It’s clearly obsessive behavior and in your live last night, you looked like a little boy who had too much sugar, jumping in your chair and laughing at the amount of turtle emojis your “loyal” followers put in Bristol’s live chat! Even worse, YOU actually told them to do it! And these followers were right there to do your bidding. You say jump, they say how high?! Come on! How old are you?? This whole thing has gotten OLD! You were actually working your way to becoming a respected journalist, but you just can’t let this go! You’re beating a dead horse, it’s OVER! You even said yourself that you wanted all this to just end already, to put it behind you. Let this petty shit go, man! It’s not a good look on you! What’s worse is, you don’t see Bristol pulling this kind of shit. It makes you look obsessive, pathetic, and childish! Enough! We are so sick and tired of watching you continuously obsess over her and her followers…get back to writing the good stories you were writing, before all this started! As far as Bristol goes…Y A W N…We are so over it! Get back to better content!

    • It ain’t over til it’s over
      March 19, 2020 at 12:34 am

      So Bristol hacks the website, files a false harassment order, and tries to set TB up for arson and he should let it go? Fuck no. Not until this bitch fesses up or goes down for breaking the law. That’s when I won’t care any more. The only reason she’s “let it go” is because her criminal methods fell flat, so now she can’t do shit but run from her indiscretions. Obviously she wants it to die, she doesn’t want to go to jail.

      Putting aside the principle, this shit is entertaining! I’m convinced the majority of peeps saying let it go are Bristol and her scummy followers.

  • GutterMuppet
    March 18, 2020 at 5:21 pm

    Poor MATTY Mo
    Got nowhere to
    Bret don’t want him
    Unk seems “annoyed “
    Time to start eating your feelings again, MATTY used to be FATTY

    • Maybe so
      March 18, 2020 at 5:33 pm

      Jealous much? I’ve never seen a pussy as such. Cuz Matty- Mo is sexy as all hell. My money, is it WON’T go well. Say whatever you have towards him face-to-face. I guarantee he will make you feel disgrace. Never fk with a man with sleeves. He will leave you begging for mercy upon your knees!. Fear not the reaper, he is YOUR foe. Matty will bring to light something more deeper and darker than you will EVER know! So keep up the show! This whole charade about to blow!
      HR Enterprises

      • Matty Chomo's pocket pvssy
        March 18, 2020 at 6:03 pm

        Maybe so Go suck his hairy fairy [email protected] already. Ratty Schmoe is a snakey snake. He’s busy punching the clown in the corner and crying about being such a degenerate losah

      • My rap attempt wasn't Eminem like rip- off TB
        March 18, 2020 at 6:29 pm

        My rap can be paired with Slip- Knot chorus, SNUFF! We have had a fuckin ENOUGH of this pine valley, soap opera bullshit Already! LMFAO, Kate’s New slave name is Kill Shot Kate. Kind- of goes hand in hand. Pisser!

  • Did you guys have a bad hate-sex?
    March 18, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    What is your hang up with this lady.

  • Gulp then swallow
    March 18, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    There once was a pal named TH-ad(= they( glad/lad). With surname proud and glad. Of that of a “dick scratcher” to Turtleboys balls. May they steep high and tall within , fthe narrow swallows of your glands. Always trying to lend a helping hand. To the sinking turtle you defend for all. Be well advised if you stray to far, you will get barred. Then what you have left in your mouth is little man blue balls.
    HR Enterprises

  • Judge dread
    March 18, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    Anyone who listens to her podcast knows it’s a desperate attempt to try to make money (while paying a shitty studio, $300 per cast btw, to record it) backdoor style so it doesn’t come up on her welfare, SSDI, whatever government sponsored funds.

    Uncle wasn’t paying her enough so she declared war against him and now she is getting what she deserves, zero coverage and massive trolling.

  • Youre right
    March 18, 2020 at 4:55 pm

    Might as well have been called, “let’s say things that poor people do and fake laugh at it.”

    It is a ripoff of Turtleboy.

  • Keeping it real
    March 18, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    I dare you to say this shit to Matty Mo’ s face. Dude, the guy would destroy YOU! Without even laying a finger on you, DESTROY you. Look at him, he’s jacked and you are a little pussy wimp. Say it to his face. I challenge you!

    • Keeping it real gay
      March 18, 2020 at 4:39 pm

      And make sure you take your shirts off before you fight. Maybe you might want to slather some oil onto yourselves, too. Those pants are going to get messy with that oil, so take them off, too. There you go. Nice. Now grapple.

      • What did I just read?
        March 18, 2020 at 4:43 pm

        Was that English? You sounded like a twinkle- fairy!

    • Jordis
      March 18, 2020 at 4:47 pm

      Wait??? Matty Mo is a guy!?! I thought that was Kate’s Lesbian lover!

      Facial hair and ink brought to you by Sharpie

      • Build a bridge
        March 19, 2020 at 1:48 am

        The show is never going to end. Yours might though if you don’t stop this seemingly unhealthy obsession. It’s quite disturbing at this point. She obviously owns your little turtle brain and you’re jealous because they have fun and you don’t because you are a basement dwelling hardo with absolutely NO friends even Bret hung up on your whiny ass

    • Dick Scratcher
      March 18, 2020 at 4:54 pm

      Keeping it real.

      You need to fuck off, and fuck off now.

      • Can TB balls be hanging any lower in your mouth?
        March 18, 2020 at 5:07 pm

        Stick to your European news Dick scratcher aka Laura Hakes. You sound so desperate for turtle dick.

        • Did you have a brain fart DS?
          March 18, 2020 at 6:23 pm

          Didn’t you mean OFF you Fuck? Off you fuck now? You must be hitting the whisky Now dude? Go-to bed you have turtleboys dick in YOUR head. Off you sleep fucking lamb!

        • Dick Scratcher
          March 18, 2020 at 8:30 pm

          I’m a dude, you dicksplash as you’ll find out soon enough.

          Loving the seething from the white Knighting supporters of Al-kate-holic, so desperate for the blowie she’s never going to give them.

          And nothing else to do in their basements but read here and chase my comments and downvote them.

          Newsflash- total number of fuck’s given = zero.

          Now, off you fuck, you silly cunts.

          • Dick is straight? Lmao
            March 18, 2020 at 9:35 pm

            Go suck a bag of dicks DS. It will do your Old ass body good! Muuaaahh!

    • Josh
      March 18, 2020 at 5:13 pm

      Matty Mo licks ballsand sucks azz.

      • Matty Mo
        March 18, 2020 at 5:34 pm

        I want your balls banging on my chin and squeezed up my azz so that your sweet hog penetrates my intestines. Also I think you are cute and I give the best blowjobs

        • Alex Reimer
          March 18, 2020 at 5:54 pm

          Oh my! Me so horny! I want to give you a Boston Brake Job! Ooooooh!

        • The dream is over
          March 18, 2020 at 6:37 pm

          Keep dreaming of Matty- Mo’s hard, tight balls whilting in the deep glands of your throat. You sick homo. If I recall correctly, wasn’t one of your ” turtleboy confessions” flashing all your cross country teammates your odd( elphantitus balls you proclaimed) to your teammates? Ouch! If I were them I’d file a grievance suit against your pedophile ways back in high school. Please show me on the turtle where uncle Tom hurt you?

  • Never trust a J€w
    March 18, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    She is one ugly J€w

  • Pattern here
    March 18, 2020 at 4:28 pm

    Did you really just doxx 2 other turtle riders? You need serious mental health evaluation. You are so green with envy(good color choice, works for you). It’s sickening. Also, might we add you ripped off Barstool SPORTS, you added turtleboy to their FAMOUS household name. Crawl back into your shell. You look like a lunatic. Seriously you do. If unhinged lunatic had a face, you would be the poster child.

  • Yawn
    March 18, 2020 at 4:10 pm

    Seriously though, can we move on to something else. You’re acting ratchet. You’re responsible for who you hire, YOU! So stop deflecting that you made a wrong choice by “apologizing” to us riders then endlessly talking about it. Give it up, all the dirt you dig up makes you look just as bad.

  • I see dumb people
    March 18, 2020 at 4:07 pm

    What the actual fuck.. This slampig seriously doesn’t have a single original thought in her huge head.. I believe i said in the comments a few blogs back Uncle Tb he should come out with a new book called “you might be a ratchet if”….
    That’s a move straight out of kunty Kilpatrick book of grimy shit

  • I am Nubian
    March 18, 2020 at 3:26 pm

    Yo! Where my corona $$$ be at?

  • Josh
    March 18, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    I think Kates self esterm is high enough that she may now muster the courage to ask me out

  • Deceitful Nomads
    March 18, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    Bergs deliberately tanking the market broke thru the critical Dow 20000 mark. Next stop Dow 14000. Bye bye 401k

    • Truth
      March 18, 2020 at 3:31 pm

      Dumbass. Increase your contributions and watch it skyrocket over the summer.

      • Shekel Gsmes Have Begun
        March 18, 2020 at 3:39 pm

        Shitstain. Heebs have been shorting for months. The fed has been pronting money and buying back our own debt. The bubble has burst. I will take my cash position and buy back at dow 14000 within 2 weeks.

      • Dow 14000 By End Of Next Wwek
        March 18, 2020 at 5:16 pm

        5000 points ago pussy truth also shot his faggot mouth off.

  • Jordis
    March 18, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    She is so much like that Ryan and just needs attention despite being an absolute piece of shit.

    You’d think such an abomination of a wife, mother, female…would want to hide under a rock. NOT Kate Peter’s! She wants the attention her children deserved before she threw them away.

    Nobody likes you Kate. Not. A. Soul.

  • Osiris
    March 18, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    Kate’s appearance in every clip and pic I’ve seen gives me the feeling she has an odor of Dutch Masters cigars and old cod.

    • Frank Rizzo
      March 18, 2020 at 3:43 pm

      Dutch Masters and old Cod!!!!!

  • Kate Peter
    March 18, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    Kate is getting fatter by the day lol must be the stress?

    • Jordis
      March 18, 2020 at 3:03 pm

      Looks like she traded crack for beer and fast food!

    • Kates Expanding Waistline
      March 18, 2020 at 5:19 pm

      No ring dings beer and doritos

  • a
    March 18, 2020 at 2:44 pm

    Damn, she a big bitch in flannel. Lol

    • No Thanks I Am Trying To Cut Down
      March 18, 2020 at 11:04 pm

      Just don’t tell that fat fuck to back dat azz up.

  • Old Tom Morris
    March 18, 2020 at 2:27 pm

    Hey Bristol, get off YouTube and get your tubes tied.

  • Old Tom Morris
    March 18, 2020 at 2:17 pm

    At least they don’t have Bret on his distorted, over-modulated Obamaphone dropping the f-bomb every 3 seconds.

    • Frank Rizzo
      March 18, 2020 at 3:45 pm

      O.T.M. That Brett’s a fukkin hosebag fer sure

  • Natasha
    March 18, 2020 at 2:15 pm

    No live chat

    • Natasha
      March 18, 2020 at 2:46 pm

      Just kidding, my bad. Why is Matty wearing sunglasses? Did he want to hide that he had fallen asleep?

  • Daddy dont touch me
    March 18, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    Sad sad sad sad sadis this all you have to do?
    You increased her numbers by leaps and bounds and it was you and Emma who suggested the invasion. It was pretty funny, but sad that a grown man who can’t get a real job has to resort to this.

    • Daddy Touched You And You Liked It
      March 18, 2020 at 7:41 pm

      Your daddy issues are showing again, ya dumb bish. Open up and say ahhhhhh

  • Earth to Bristol
    March 18, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    During her program, did Bristol ever acknowledge ever having heard of birth control? Items like the “pill”, the “morning after pill”, diaphragms, condoms, “rubbers”, the “rhythm method”, etc., to name a few. If she reached puberty after 1981, did she ever hear of AIDS? Hep C? Genital warts? Syphilis? HPV? What was that women’s book first published in the 70s, “Our Bodies, Ourselves” — maybe she should pick up a copy, belatedly. Hint to Bristol: maybe do some research on this subject and then do a YouTube program on it. Unlike what she’s doing now, it could be useful for others.

  • Naked Picture Enthusiast
    March 18, 2020 at 2:02 pm

    I was told there would be naked pictures…

  • Anonymous
    March 18, 2020 at 1:51 pm

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