Smiles And Sunshine

Turtleboy Was Booed At The “Best Of Worcester” Awards Because The Butthurt Is Real

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So last night Turtleboy Sports graciously accepted the people’s choice award for Worcester Magazine’s “Best of Worcester – Local Blog.”

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As if it could possibly go to anyone else. And just like Tom Brady, we were crucified by the many butthurt losers in attendance.

Turtleboy is the official voice of the Worcester community. Even the counterrevolutionaries can’t stop reading it. It’s everyone’s guilty pleasure during their morning dump. Can’t tell you how many people last night told us they love the blog, but then followed that up with, “please don’t quote me on that.” 

That’s when I realized how important Turtleboy is for the community. We say what you’re thinking but can’t say, because professional buttnutts like the Circlejerk will call you a racist or a sexist or even worse – a conservative. We help you keep your sanity in a world full of insane wackjobs who would normally yell over you.

And right on cue when our representative went up to accept the award, he was booed. Ya got that? They fucking BOOED Turtleboy.

 

Now it’s official – we are the Patriots of Worcester County. We are the winners that everyone hates. They hate us because they ain’t us. But I’m not going to publicly embarrass the losers who booed us. Instead I’m going to give props and recognition to the three WINNERS who I saw cheering there.

1. Ed Hyder’s Mediterranean Marketplace

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2. Niche Hospitality – The Citizen, Mezcal, The Fix, and Bocado. 

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3. Bark of the Town – Best Dog Groomers

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We also took a picture with Dianne Williamson, who I’m not gonna lie, is confusing the shit out of us all. It’s safe to say that we’ve had her back 100% over at Turtleboy. Plus her columns for the last month have been directly out of the Turtleboy Sports playbook – going on people’s Facebook, making fun of dumb people and hippies, etc. She even came after Spanky McFarlane a couple weeks back in one of her columns:

“Times have changed. Which is why it makes sense to pursue advanced safety measures in our five high schools, including beefed-up police presence and new security technology that would link the police to the schools. Not everyone agrees, including a colleague at this newspaper and two members of the Worcester School Committee, who are skeptical of plans to bring a “police atmosphere” into the schools.”

So I just kind of assumed she’d fully support the Turtle. But last night she told our Turtleboy in attendance that she didn’t wanna take a picture with us because she supports Clive. This is yet another example of how the hippies use fear and intimidation to silence you. Dianne clearly reads Turtleboy and rides the Turtle. Yet she doesn’t want to publicly be associated with it for fear of reprisal. That’s how hot Turtleboy is right now.

And I just wanna say that Walter Bird over at WoMag does a fantastic job of putting this shindig together. The Citizen does a bang up job hosting it, and the Boynton, Smokestack Barbecue, and Baba Sushi provide the fantastic food to stuff down our gullets. Guess who wasn’t there? This guy:

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Spanky doing Spanky things. Cruising around town in the droptop. Looks like he’s really struggling. This is why ads in the Telegram cost an arm and a leg. So Clive can drive around in a nicer car than you. For a guy who complains about how unfair America is for folks like him, he certainly seems to be enjoying the fruits of American oppression. He does look lonely though doesn’t he? He should’ve stopped by The Citizen to collect his award for best columnist. Oh wait, he wasn’t invited because no one likes him.

The people have spoken. The revolution has come. The Turtleboy butthurt is real. Ride the turtle.

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18 Comment(s)
  • O the humanities
    May 14, 2015 at 6:15 pm

    I was there. I don’t recall booing but I know that I was within earshot when Williamson graciously suggested it might be disrespectful to a colleague to be so blatant. I get that. They have to work together, and they butt heads often enough. She was quiet in her remarks, and I sincerely heard only a few lighthearted grumbles when TB was announced. No boos.

  • Steve Gambone
    May 13, 2015 at 6:49 am

    CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! to Turtleboy and all of Turtlekind on the award.

    Here’s an idea for you Chelonians (That’s the fancy Latin word for ‘turtle’. The pig-Latin version: “eelonian-kay” gets the pronunciation right.)

    Think about using a “Boo” as the official Turtleboy cheer. Make it widely known that booing is how to cheer for Turtleboy.

    Turtleboy haters will flip. If they ‘boo’ they’re cheering for Turtleboy while the Chelonians are all ‘boo-cheering’ too.

  • Magnificent Muraco Fan
    May 12, 2015 at 11:32 pm

    Being what this website is Turtle Boy has to understand that just like in old school wrestling he is playing the heel. The smile on the man’s face when the boo’s started to ring out said it all. I was booing but smiling at the same time.

  • Mary Ann Hancock
    May 12, 2015 at 11:04 pm

    Sorry, I forgot to say Congratulations Turtleboy Sports for your award. It is well deserved.

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    May 12, 2015 at 5:26 pm

    Why you hating on Clive because he has a nice ride? If you work hard you might be a real journalist someday too, and be able to afford the nice things that come with success. Hahahaha, I know, that notion seemed completely ridiculous to me too, even as I was typing it. Carry on.

    • marko
      May 13, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Do you have a life, or do you just spend every moment creating a new social media account parody? If you do no see the humor in this man driving a high end luxury sports car, then you’re an idiot.

  • JoeMomma
    May 12, 2015 at 5:10 pm

    Make him stand in traffic on 290 with a sign that say’s Turtle Lives Matter………

  • RSoxGuy
    May 12, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    They hate us cuz they aint us!

    I wonder what ended up happening to Old Balls since he lost the bet that he was Worcester’s #1 blogger…. HATERS GONNA HATE!!!!

  • Carlo's Daddy
    May 12, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    I bought a couple Turtle Boy shirts on Sunday. Who would be ashamed to ride the Turtle? Shame on the people who don’t own a T-shirt.

    PS – I promply put on my T and wore it proudly at Buffalo Wild Wings!!

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    May 12, 2015 at 1:29 pm

    Go Ed Hyder! Love that store!!!

    Well, well, isn’t that ironic that Clyde McFarfetched is riding around in a Mercedes. How’s that white oppression working out for you there Clive, you bumbling racist?

  • Woo Best
    May 12, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    I was there. Only a few losers booed, several more cheered loudly. Several also hushed the boo-ers, including Councilor Sarai Rivera, whom this blog has bashed.

    • Woo Best
      May 12, 2015 at 4:54 pm

      To be clear, Councilor Rivera was shushing the people who were booing, she herself was most definitely not booing. The booing was disrespectful to all of the participants.

      The #2 restaurant (aka #1 losers) didn’t boo #1 (they save that spite for phony help reviews to bash their competitors)

  • COB
    May 12, 2015 at 12:33 pm

    I was the one who hurled that cantaloupe at your face. Sorry, bro. I got caught up in the moment.

  • RJ
    May 12, 2015 at 12:04 pm

    Well I was saying Booo-urns.

  • Vanderbooger
    May 12, 2015 at 11:59 am

    Turtleboy needs to travel with a cheering section next year.

  • Clean Hippie
    May 12, 2015 at 11:55 am

    Have a feeling I’m one of the counter-revolutionaries lol.. Hey, at least I agree on what counts-the sports.

  • Sam Burnside
    May 12, 2015 at 11:43 am

    Not gonna lie…I’d pay good money to see a picture of Turtleboy and Robert Blackwell Gibbs standing together with their awards.

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