It’s time to napalm Taunton.
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You know I rarely warn you guys about stuff but the amount of ghetto speak in this next blog is only amplified by the fact that they’re teenagers from Taunton. It gave me a headache. So, take some aleve. You’ll thank me.
You know, it’s not often that we here at Turtleboy miss something. Our Turtlestaff and Turtleriders are vultures when it comes to digging up information and getting the whole picture. However, we’ve been so damn busy lately that we missed all of sorts of good drama under the surface of that Taunton GoFundMe for drug money.
Seems that GoFundMe page was a fake made for the sole purpose of getting back at that Taunton walking manbun, Michael Keegan. He, and two of his boys, Damon Davis, and Kyle Crotty, happened to have jumped a 16 year old girl over a drug deal gone wrong. This is one of the most unbelievable Taunton ratchet stories I’ve ever seen. Three guys, who admittedly sling drugs to their teen Taunton homies, apparently got sick of Ana Garlaza passing them off counterfeit bills for her drug transactions, and decided to jump her.
SHE is apologizing for typos? At least I could read hers!
Normally, I use terms like “allegedly” but these sleazy assholes are admitting it on Facebook, and the hoodsie that got jumped is reveling in her Facebook fame. That incident of Ana getting her ass beat by three guys? Well, we got it on film because, of course, it’s Taunton.
Can we pause here and ask where are the fucking parents here? Your sixteen year-old daughter is out buying drugs with fake money, gets her ass beat for it, and you’re nowhere to be found. You also have 16, 17, and 18 year-old guys beating up girls and selling drugs? Parents? Anywhere? Are the mothers freebasing? This was the only mention of a parent on the entire thread:
Oh, right. Threatening to shoot kids. Now I know Taunton is a shit hole but it’s like Lord of the fucking Flies on the Green.
The person who filmed the video, Jeanna Jones, didn’t stop to help her friend Ana. She just drove off after uploading it online. Ah, millennials. How we know the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
So, to get back at the chudmuffins who beat Ana up, her posse created the GoFundMe (which we reported on here) to get back at Keegan the Queef. They’ve also set up GFM one so that half the kids in town can fund a space for a brawl to settle the score.
You can’t make this shit up. I had to literally study what these ghetto mops were saying. It’s the most illegible hood speak I’ve ever seen. I ended up giving myself a migraine trying to piece the story together.
Eventually, while all of these pathetic little slam snacks continuously bickered online, the head fuck boi, Keegan, issues a video apology to Ana.
1. You’re white.
2. It easier to remember what you’re saying when you haven’t taken a fist-full of benzos
3. Nice near-nod off you dickless twit.
It’s also somehow totally normal in Taunton to slip some of that Xanex you’re slinging in to the drinks of underage girls you want to bang. It’s how they all confess to getting laid. I can’t even think of a good enough insult. I think only Killoran could do these assholes Justice.
If you get them so sleepy they fall asleep then it makes it easier to rape them. Rape is a great sport in Taunton!
What I would like to know is where the Taunton PD is in all this? These kids are all over Facebook, openly selling drugs, beating up anyone that crosses their path, and apparently raping drugged up minors. It didn’t take long to pop up on my radar -you guys have got to have seen this. None of them attend school. There are no parents to be found. They are just wandering the streets and lowering property values. Get em boys.
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