Smiles And Sunshine

Vote Now: Polls Close At 8pm Today For Fall River Recall Election, Who Should Be The Mayor Of Fall River?

Today Fall River voters are deciding on the future of Jasiel “Lap Dance” Correia’s leadership at the helm of their esteemed city. I’ll cover the results after the polls close at 8pm, but I’m assuming most of our readers haven’t paid very close attention to this election because, it’s Fall River. A major election in Fall River means 32 votes in by 8:50am. 

The Herald reports:

“At 8:50 a.m., 32 ballots had been cast at that polling place.

“We’ve only had a few so far,” said Shirley McHugh, the warden at the polls at Kuss Middle School. At 8:40 a.m., 28 ballots had been cast at Kuss.

“Usually we see people come between 4 and 6 p.m., when they are out of work,” she said.”

 

But I disagree, because most of Fall River’s voting base can’t drive after dark. It’s Fall River – at least a quarter of your work force is sitting at home right now because they do construction with their uncles and there’s still snow on the ground. They’re around – they’re just busying asking people for smokes right now.

Anyway, I can’t say I’ve been following the election that closely myself, outside of the ridiculous troll wars “Lap Dance” Correia keeps getting in to, but I feel like his chances are as good as ever because he’s still Portuguese and looks adorable dressed up like an adult in a suit. I’m pretty sure he got all 32 votes from the Vavos that had their daughters drive them in before work this morning. But I did a little research this evening so I’ve prepared a roster of the candidates on the ballot with as much as I know about them, and a couple free agents I’m gunning for. Cast your prediction vote, and then we can all hope Jasiel has more free time for Xbox live tomorrow, so Fall River politics can fade back into obscurity where it belongs.

It should be noted, that in my incisive probe into the politics of Fall River I stumbled across their website and discovered that outside of being exactly the sort of layout you would expect out of a city whose 27-year-old mayor runs it like a rap video.

DAWN, huh? Be douchey, you can’t. Dawn is Siri’s heroin addled cousin on her dad’s side. Who couldn’t tell me the date, time, or polling location, just show a picture of the ballot.

If the most important information for election day in your city is who is on the ballot, vote Correia!

 

 

 

 

Jasiel Correia

 

 

He’s been indicted on nine counts of wire fraud and four counts of filing false tax returns for defrauding investors on a bullshit app for $306,000 he blew on hookers and partying. He also was probably such a nice Portuguese boy growing up, who went to Providence College and also probably knows your weed dealer.

 

Joe Camara

 

He looks like he wants to sell me a car in every picture he takes, and can probably get me a good deal on a 2006 Honda Accord with just a few nicks on the bumper. He also has a good last name.

 

Paul Coogan

 

He worked for the Fall River School system. He was responsible for some facet of Fall River’s education. You decide. He also looks like he wants to call you “Sport”.

 

Kyle Riley

 

His teeth are too white to truly understand Fall River.

 

Erica Scott-Pacheco

 

I don’t know how her mother-in-law feels about her, so this one may be a wild card. She also shared screenshots of the Mayor posting his own Tinder login request …but hasn’t boxed his car in, in the middle of an otherwise empty parking lot, so she seems pretty professional by Fall River standards.

 

 

Scottie Medeiros and Joe Amaral (interchangeably)

 

Their videos are the only thing I like from Fall River.

 

 

The Fall River Guttermuppet

 

She is the living embodiment of the City of Fall River and is the second most recognizable face on this list.

 

I won’t tell you my vote to stay impartial, but it’s a candidate I really believe is the best thing for Fall River!

 

 

 

 

 

 

63 Comment(s)
  • Captain Trips
    March 13, 2019 at 8:17 am

    Voted back in.

    Fall River officially deserves what it gets as of this point forward

  • The most interesting man on the South Coast
    March 13, 2019 at 12:22 am

    I don’t always vote in mayoral elections. But when I do I find a city of nearly 100,000 without a bookstore. And I mail in my absentee ballot.

  • Long /Short Manager
    March 12, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Clapback is like ghetto for clawback where a hedge fund doesn’t meet its contract hurdle rate, but in the ghetto it is where the contract does not reimburse the contractor resulting in .25 caliber semi automatic gunfire.

    • Y
      March 12, 2019 at 11:17 pm

      The walking vagina, Edgy, is the typical millennial, maybe worse.
      S/he is trying to come off holier than thou, acting all woke, trying to insult (and label) TBS fans, all from his/her mother’s basement (dad’s not in the picture).
      I hope your mom’s Subaru has gas, Edgy, so you don’t have to set-up a GoFundMe to get yourself to your Ancient Asian Arts class tomorrow at your community college

      • Edgy
        March 13, 2019 at 10:44 pm

        sick dude super sus paragraph/ sick possible projection of yourself. Bet your boys on your sick lil site think your a boss in real life LOL

  • Dick GoZinya
    March 12, 2019 at 10:30 pm

    “Today Fall River voters are deciding on the future”? Really now, Fall River has a future? In what?

  • Y
    March 12, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    • Y
      March 12, 2019 at 10:28 pm

      Very edgy; it’s almost as if you’ve done that before.
      Get you’re own shtick, needle dick!

      • Y
        March 12, 2019 at 11:41 pm

        And, if you’re trying to emulate my shtick, then you should at least stay on, or around, the subject.
        I post funny shit relevant to the topic, or to the topic of the post I’m replying to, but I don’t post vulgar shit just to be an asshole (or to make TBS look bad).
        Your video is far from anything I’d post.
        Try harder, needle dick.

  • Street rat
    March 12, 2019 at 9:47 pm

    He won. hes going to remain in office..Geese is the word, the word the word

  • Gutter Muppet Honey
    March 12, 2019 at 9:28 pm

    That time a Turtleboy poll got more votes than the election in Fall Reev.

  • Eobard Thawne
    March 12, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    I’m just here for the comments. I find this all hilarious.

  • TheCureForHope
    March 12, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    Unbelievable….despite everything, it looks like they are re-electing him, despite the indictments.

    https://www.heraldnews.com/news/20190312/fall-river-recalls-its-mayor—-and-then-re-elects-him

  • The angry taint
    March 12, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    why would you post an autopsy photo of the last candidate? that’s just…………hilarious!

  • Street rat
    March 12, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    The Geese will get to keep their man. If he gets voted out I will be amazed. All the votes will be cast in the last hour. Geese is the word….

  • Benjie Wall
    March 12, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    Scottie! Based solely on the fact that he’s sporting his Polaroid instant camera, and camcorder with anactual tape.
    At least his dick pics will be air gapped from the Interwebs.

  • mayor jasiel
    March 12, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    see you bitches at work tomorrow…lol

    • Mikey
      March 12, 2019 at 9:01 pm

      I’m dying!

  • LOB
    March 12, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Fall River deserves this guy!

  • Roger
    March 12, 2019 at 7:07 pm

    Can we sell Fall River to Rhode Island…. Problem solved!

  • ED
    March 12, 2019 at 7:03 pm

    comments banned or is the an IP error.

    • Free Willy
      March 12, 2019 at 7:11 pm

      Get a VPN and be free Willy.

    • notmyrealname
      March 12, 2019 at 7:14 pm

      hmmm … multiple replies not posted … am I being censored? can’t post with my real ID

  • LOB
    March 12, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    Momma’s don’t let your young ones grow to be mayor in the River!

  • Edgy
    March 12, 2019 at 6:25 pm

    This site is for edgy mid life crises folks. So lame LOL
    ~~~~~~~here comes the downvote squad.

    • Y
      March 12, 2019 at 6:27 pm

      The best part is, you don’t have to visit the site, ya twat.

      • edgy
        March 12, 2019 at 6:31 pm

        Edgy clap back BOOM redneck worldstar on a site made with potato of a computer- With a comment section full of hate. Go do something positive with the rest of your lives.

        • Y
          March 12, 2019 at 6:54 pm

          “Clap back”? I don’t speak ghetto.
          You must be Randall or Franklin, and I’d bet you’re also the loser stealing my name and downvoting my videos.
          Steal and down vote away…everyone knows they’re funny as shit; you’re just a salty, wet tampon.

          • z
            March 12, 2019 at 9:17 pm

            That’s the real Y.

    • Luke
      March 12, 2019 at 7:21 pm

      Is that why you are reading and commenting?

      • edgy
        March 12, 2019 at 7:39 pm

        Didn’t read it. Written by clowns for clowns

        • Tired of Don't Snitch Millennial Pussies
          March 12, 2019 at 7:55 pm

          You spelled “can’t” wrong.

          • Edgy
            March 12, 2019 at 8:04 pm

            Happy and in my 20s. Engineering degree. Employed.

    • Cracker Barrel
      March 12, 2019 at 7:24 pm

      It’s called a fupa computer, you dumb potato wedge.

    • Y
      March 13, 2019 at 5:04 am

      • Y
        March 13, 2019 at 10:05 am

        That is pretty edgy…you’re still a cuck.

      • Edgy father of 12 year old kids who ride bmx bikes
        March 13, 2019 at 11:02 pm

        Such a relevant funny joke bro everyone thanks you so much for posting your funny links!!!!! Bro your so fucking creative!!!

    • Steven Pinker
      March 13, 2019 at 3:42 pm

      To Edgy:
      Yeah man. I would’ve thought a man of your education and presumed sophistication could appreciate satirical humour. Who would’ve thought you had the sensibilities of a 16 year old high school girl not getting what she wanted on her birthday and the social skills of someone on the autism spectrum typing 30 words per minute???

  • Y
    March 12, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    He calls young boys sport and was voted 2009’s best shirt tucker inner.

    • edgy
      March 12, 2019 at 7:26 pm

      Salty about what lmao and no shit im getting downvoted im posting on this little cult of angry budweiser belly site. Clapback is in the webster dictionary maybe an education will help with you midlife crisis. No idea what your talking about stealing names and down voting LOL maybe check your ego buddy your not a celebrity- your technically in a online chatroom in your 30s?

      • Y
        March 12, 2019 at 7:38 pm

        You’d be happier in Portland, Oregon.

        • edgy
          March 12, 2019 at 7:51 pm

          Yup I would. Happy here too.

        • Edgy
          March 13, 2019 at 11:10 pm

          Angry Giant.. I suggest you pick a profession (obviously if its not too late)
          That cant be outsourced….Lol

          • ANGRY GIANT
            March 15, 2019 at 8:17 am

            Edgy, clearly you are a compassionate and perceptive man. (Let me apologize in advance for assuming your gender!) Thank you for your concern for my economic viability. I plan to go national with franchises of ANGRY GIANT DAY CARE, and am seeking investors. Can I send you a prospectus? Or are you ready to jump in at the ground floor with $10MM?

      • noah webster from the great beyond
        March 12, 2019 at 7:46 pm

        yeah the fucking urban dictionary genius… made popular by a ja rule song. the etymology of it is actually refering to exchanging gunfire. edgy shot at me yo so i clapped back.

        • edgy
          March 12, 2019 at 7:48 pm

          yeah bud?
          “Words We’re Watching
          What’s a ‘Clapback’?
          If I’m clapping, don’t clap back.
          Update: This word was added in January 2019.”
          —–Update: This word was added in January 2019.——

          • Y
            March 12, 2019 at 7:54 pm

            How many pink pussy hats do you own?

          • edgy
            March 12, 2019 at 8:01 pm

            12 dude. Ill take that 8th grade education response as a W. Thanks for the effort tonight. Continue spreading hate in your online society of angry fathers. good night.

          • Y
            March 12, 2019 at 8:34 pm

            10 to 1 says your father is absent, dead, or in jail.

          • edgy
            March 12, 2019 at 9:11 pm

            Also way to prove my point on the type of people on this site with that last comment. Betabitch

          • ANGRY GIANT
            March 13, 2019 at 8:35 pm

            Edgy, if you were really an engineer, and not just some troll with delusions of intellect, you’d know that
            “Chinese” and “Indian” are nationalities, not races. And as an engineer, you’d be concerned that Chinese nationals and Indian nationals comprise the largest portions of the nearly 200,000 H1B visa holders in the US. Chinese-Americans, Indian-Americans, and whatever else ethnic background US engineers don’t like that wages are driven down by this.

            If you were really an engineer, you’d already know that this situation suppresses your income.

          • edgy
            March 13, 2019 at 11:07 pm

            If you knew anything about engineering you would know that engineering degree doesn’t constrict you to whatever the fuck type of path your talking about theres alot of open doors. The path i chose is not cluttered with whatever the fuck your venting your anger about on this site. Also your professor might have some issues too if he vented that type of hate…lol

          • edgy
            March 13, 2019 at 11:12 pm

            Angry Giant.. I suggest you pick a profession (obviously if its not too late)
            That cant be outsourced….Lol

          • Edgy...go study bro fuck outta here
            March 13, 2019 at 11:19 pm

            Engineering TYPE jobs are often competing wage. lol fuck out of here finish your education dude. Get an internship put in your time and your money will come.

      • Ebenezer
        March 12, 2019 at 9:16 pm

        “Your technically in a online chatroom…” And you claim to have an engineering degree? Uh huh. Try “you’re” and “an”. Remind me not to drive over any bridges you build.

        • Edgy
          March 12, 2019 at 9:25 pm

          Math is a universal language. English grammar has nothing to do with engineering once your employed. Go get your english teacher to design your house if you want. Everyone sharing turtle boy sports on my facebook were the biggest airheads growing up lol.

          • ANGRY GIANT
            March 12, 2019 at 10:16 pm

            You will come to learn but your vocabulary and skills for the English language are very important in an engineering career. If you can’t use English as well as the Chinese and the Indians that you’re going to be competing with for a job, you’re going to find yourself out of a job.

          • Edgy
            March 12, 2019 at 11:03 pm

            Hence the “once your employed part” though

          • Edgy
            March 12, 2019 at 11:07 pm

            Also pretty confused why you decided to bring race (and 2 specific ones for some reason) into it? edgy stuff man

    • Edgy....But how EDGE DO YOU THINK
      March 13, 2019 at 10:53 pm

      Hey mr pinker. If your over 30 and using autism as an insult you should probably go and renew your grade 10 education man. No body cares that you saw what you saw and experienced what you did in your age and time your on the internet mr middle age get with the fucking present or go back to your times without your online personas. Internets not as anonymous as you might think. This isnt deepweb.

  • Randall Guys Fat Momma
    March 12, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    I wrote in the other guttermuppet, Randall Guy. If he wins he can earn extra money to supplement his behind the dumpster work

    • Edgy
      March 12, 2019 at 9:10 pm

      You got some shit odds get a new bookie. My father is the best father in the world and alive. Beta move bringing family members into an online argument tho. Very mature for a middle aged man.

  • Kosh Naranek
    March 12, 2019 at 6:19 pm

    I’m voting for the Giant Meteor.

    Orbital Kinetic Bombardment for the win!

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