Bone Ride

Vote Where The Tour de Turtle Bone Ride Should Go Tomorrow


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Turtleboy needs to chill out. Way too stressed out lately breaking news and dominating the media. Time for a bone ride. The only question is where should we go? In case you haven’t heard we will eventually be going to all 351 towns and cities in Massachusetts, and when it’s done we will have them ranked and seeded. Then we’ll have our 64 town craptacular tournament in which a bracket will be set up, towns will be seeded 1-16, and turtle riders will vote on each matchup until we determine which is the biggest dump in the Bay State. Here’s some possibilities for tomorrow:

1. North Shore bone ride: Salisbury, Newburyport, Newbury, Rowley, Ipswich, Essex, Gloucester, Rockland, Manchester by the Sea

2. South Shore bone ride: Hingham, Hull, Cohasset, Scituate, Marshfield, Duxbury, Kingston, Plymouth

3. South Coast bone ride: Fall River, Westport, Dartmouth, New Bedford, Fairhaven, Acushnet, Mattapoiset, Marion, Rochester, Wareham

4. Wachusett bone ride: Holden, Princeton, Sterling, Lancaster, Clinton, Bolton, Berlin, Boylston, West Boylston

5. Berkshire bone ride: West Stockbridge, Richmond, Hancock, New Ashford, Lanesboro, Cheshire, Pittsfield, Lenox, Lee

Whatever we decide to do, please let us know in the comments or on Facebook what parts of these places we can find the dumpiest looking stuff. Last time we went to Randolph and we thought it was nice, but everyone tells us it’s a pit. We must’ve missed that part, and that sucks because this is a dump tour.

Here’s the link to the trips we’ve already done and the 105 towns and cities we’ve already been to:

Westminster, Gardner, Ashburnham, Winchendon, Royalston, Athol, Orange, Templeton, Philipston.

Rhode Island 

Sturbridge, Holland, Wales, Monson, Palmer, Warren, West Brookfield, Brookfield, Brimfield

Millbury, Grafton, Northbridge, Uxbridge, Milville, Blackstone, Bellingham, Mendon, Hopedale, Milford

Lynnfield, Peabody, Saugus, Lynn, Nahant, Swampscott, Marblehead, Salem, Beverly, Danvers

Deerfield, Montague, Greenfield, Leyden, Colrain, Heath, Charlemont, Buckland, Hawley, Shelburne

Leominster, Lunenburg, Shirley, Ayer, Groton, Pepperell, Townsend, Ashby, Fitchburg

Westfield, West Springfield, Agawam, Longmeadow, East Longmeadow, Springfield, Chicopee, Holyoke, Easthampton

Boston: Brighton, Allston, Fenway, Back Bay, Roxbury, Jamaica Plain, Roslindale, West Roxbury, Hyde Park, Mattapan, Dorchester, South Boston, Downtown, East Boston, Charlestown

Auburn, Oxford, Sutton, Douglas, Webster, Dudley, Southbridge, Charlton, East Brookfield, Spencer, Leicester

Chelmsford, Lowell, Dracut, Methuen, Lawrence, Haverhill, North Andover, Andover, Tewksbury

Paxton, Rutland, Hubbardston, Barre, Oakham, North Brookfield, New Braintree, Hardwick, Ware

Braintree, Quincy, Weymouth, Rockland, Abington, Whitman, Brockton, Avon, Holbrook, Randolph

And here’s how we rank them as of right now:

1. Lynnfield

2. Andover

3. Longmeadow

4. Danvers

5. Hopedale

6. Grafton

7. Charlton

8. Lunenburg

9. Marblehead

10. Agawam

11. Dracut

11. Beverly

12. Braintree

13. Rutland

14. Groton

15. Sturbridge

16. Sutton

17. Swampscott

18. Nahant

19. Westminster

20. Mendon

21. North Andover

22. Chelmsford

23. Tewksbury

24. Douglas

25. Paxton

26. Auburn

27. Westfield

28. Deerfield

29. East Longmeadow

30. Millbury

31. Holland

32. Bellingham

33. Dudley

34. Ashburnham

35. West Springfield

36. Philipston

37. Monson

38. Shelburne

39. Leominster

40. Hubbardston

41. Avon

42. West Brookfield

43. Randolph

44. Northbridge

45. Townsend

46. Greenfield

47. East Brookfield

48. Weymouth

49. Milville

50. Blackstone

51. Pepperell

52. Abington

53. North Brookfield

54. Oxford

55. Oakham

56. Uxbridge

57. Peabody

58. Brimfield

59. Buckland

60. Ashby

61. Whitman

62. Rockland

63. Milford

64. Orange

65. Holbrook

66. Templeton

67. Leyden

68. Palmer

69. New Braintree

70. Saugus

71. Methuen

72. Ayer

73. Quincy

74. Gardner

75. Easthampton

76. Barre

77. Salem

78. Shirley

79. Heath

80. Hardwick

81. Athol

82. Brookfield

83. Leicester

84. Boston

85. Wales

86. Royalston

87. Spencer

88. Charlemont

89. Chicopee

90. Hawley

91. Montague

92. Haverhill

93. Webster

94. Winchendon

95. Warren

96. Lowell

97. Lynn

98. Southbridge

99. Fitchburg

100. Springfield

101. Ware

102. Holyoke

103. Colrain

104. Brockton

105. Lawrence


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14 Comment(s)
  • Cadence
    June 2, 2016 at 9:16 am

    Why not highlight all the neighborhoods of WORCESTER? That would be pretty AWESOME. If TBS doesn’t do it, I will. Will you publish it on your blog?

  • Jessie
    June 2, 2016 at 9:06 am

    Wachusett also includes Rutland, Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Sterling…

  • Sal Monella
    June 2, 2016 at 5:16 am

    Seems like an arbitrary ranking. This is Massachusetts. How would you distinguish one turd from the other 350? One stinks more than the other? Our whole Commonwealth is a steamer.

    Glad to see Ware near the bottom – an opioid’s Nirvana.

    • Larry Tate
      June 2, 2016 at 5:46 am

      Ware: That’s really Patrick/Murray Country.

    • Keir Darcey
      June 2, 2016 at 8:41 am

      The bottom 5 are, wow. I work in one of those towns and it’s sad… but accurate.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    June 1, 2016 at 10:48 pm

    Oh lord… One of the towns listed is where I live but no dumpy areas here so it probably won’t be much fun!

  • Rick
    June 1, 2016 at 10:19 pm

    We got you if you’re ever making a trip to the Cape! It’s no Colrain, but plenty entertaining.

  • Clinton
    June 1, 2016 at 10:08 pm

    Allen St in Clinton, see if that Honda is still sitting on jack stands with a trash bag wrapped around the brake drum. Oak St., Plain St, Grove St, Beacon St, Green St, High St, Fitch Rd, Lakeside Ave in Clinton. While you’re there hit up Waushacum Village in Sterling… hidden jewel in an otherwise nice town.

    • Not Bill, Clinton
      June 2, 2016 at 1:20 am

      If you’re going to Clinton tomorrow, I don’t know if you have time to purchase kevlar on such short notice. You WILL need extra memory for pix. You will take a lot of pix.

  • Anc
    June 1, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    Wachusett!! Come visit us here in Holden!!

    • Gracie
      June 3, 2016 at 10:14 am

      Why do all Holden-ites say Golden Holden? Some parts are really really shitty. A LOT actually.

  • Not a Dirty Ham
    June 1, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    Do one of the MetroWest area.

  • CJWoo
    June 1, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    It’s Rockport, not Rockland.

    • Hugh Jassol
      June 1, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      It’s Rockland. Kimmy Strubell’s hometown.

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