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Turtleboy needs to chill out. Way too stressed out lately breaking news and dominating the media. Time for a bone ride. The only question is where should we go? In case you haven’t heard we will eventually be going to all 351 towns and cities in Massachusetts, and when it’s done we will have them ranked and seeded. Then we’ll have our 64 town craptacular tournament in which a bracket will be set up, towns will be seeded 1-16, and turtle riders will vote on each matchup until we determine which is the biggest dump in the Bay State. Here’s some possibilities for tomorrow:
1. North Shore bone ride: Salisbury, Newburyport, Newbury, Rowley, Ipswich, Essex, Gloucester, Rockland, Manchester by the Sea
2. South Shore bone ride: Hingham, Hull, Cohasset, Scituate, Marshfield, Duxbury, Kingston, Plymouth
3. South Coast bone ride: Fall River, Westport, Dartmouth, New Bedford, Fairhaven, Acushnet, Mattapoiset, Marion, Rochester, Wareham
4. Wachusett bone ride: Holden, Princeton, Sterling, Lancaster, Clinton, Bolton, Berlin, Boylston, West Boylston
5. Berkshire bone ride: West Stockbridge, Richmond, Hancock, New Ashford, Lanesboro, Cheshire, Pittsfield, Lenox, Lee
Whatever we decide to do, please let us know in the comments or on Facebook what parts of these places we can find the dumpiest looking stuff. Last time we went to Randolph and we thought it was nice, but everyone tells us it’s a pit. We must’ve missed that part, and that sucks because this is a dump tour.
Here’s the link to the trips we’ve already done and the 105 towns and cities we’ve already been to:
Westminster, Gardner, Ashburnham, Winchendon, Royalston, Athol, Orange, Templeton, Philipston.
Sturbridge, Holland, Wales, Monson, Palmer, Warren, West Brookfield, Brookfield, Brimfield
Lynnfield, Peabody, Saugus, Lynn, Nahant, Swampscott, Marblehead, Salem, Beverly, Danvers
Deerfield, Montague, Greenfield, Leyden, Colrain, Heath, Charlemont, Buckland, Hawley, Shelburne
Leominster, Lunenburg, Shirley, Ayer, Groton, Pepperell, Townsend, Ashby, Fitchburg
Chelmsford, Lowell, Dracut, Methuen, Lawrence, Haverhill, North Andover, Andover, Tewksbury
Paxton, Rutland, Hubbardston, Barre, Oakham, North Brookfield, New Braintree, Hardwick, Ware
Braintree, Quincy, Weymouth, Rockland, Abington, Whitman, Brockton, Avon, Holbrook, Randolph
And here’s how we rank them as of right now:
1. Lynnfield
2. Andover
3. Longmeadow
4. Danvers
5. Hopedale
6. Grafton
7. Charlton
8. Lunenburg
9. Marblehead
10. Agawam
11. Dracut
11. Beverly
12. Braintree
13. Rutland
14. Groton
15. Sturbridge
16. Sutton
17. Swampscott
18. Nahant
19. Westminster
20. Mendon
21. North Andover
22. Chelmsford
23. Tewksbury
24. Douglas
25. Paxton
26. Auburn
27. Westfield
28. Deerfield
29. East Longmeadow
30. Millbury
31. Holland
32. Bellingham
33. Dudley
34. Ashburnham
35. West Springfield
36. Philipston
37. Monson
38. Shelburne
39. Leominster
40. Hubbardston
41. Avon
42. West Brookfield
43. Randolph
44. Northbridge
45. Townsend
46. Greenfield
47. East Brookfield
48. Weymouth
49. Milville
50. Blackstone
51. Pepperell
52. Abington
53. North Brookfield
54. Oxford
55. Oakham
56. Uxbridge
57. Peabody
58. Brimfield
59. Buckland
60. Ashby
61. Whitman
62. Rockland
63. Milford
64. Orange
65. Holbrook
66. Templeton
67. Leyden
68. Palmer
69. New Braintree
70. Saugus
71. Methuen
72. Ayer
73. Quincy
74. Gardner
75. Easthampton
76. Barre
77. Salem
78. Shirley
79. Heath
80. Hardwick
81. Athol
82. Brookfield
83. Leicester
84. Boston
85. Wales
86. Royalston
87. Spencer
88. Charlemont
89. Chicopee
90. Hawley
91. Montague
92. Haverhill
93. Webster
94. Winchendon
95. Warren
96. Lowell
97. Lynn
98. Southbridge
99. Fitchburg
100. Springfield
101. Ware
102. Holyoke
103. Colrain
104. Brockton
105. Lawrence
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.
Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Scavone Plumbing, Bennie’s Cafe, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Attorney Michael Erlich, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors, Solarreviews.net, The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno, Harris Auto Body, Rotti Power Equipment in West Boylston
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14 Comment(s)
Why not highlight all the neighborhoods of WORCESTER? That would be pretty AWESOME. If TBS doesn’t do it, I will. Will you publish it on your blog?
Wachusett also includes Rutland, Holden, Paxton, Princeton, Sterling…
Seems like an arbitrary ranking. This is Massachusetts. How would you distinguish one turd from the other 350? One stinks more than the other? Our whole Commonwealth is a steamer.
Glad to see Ware near the bottom – an opioid’s Nirvana.
Ware: That’s really Patrick/Murray Country.
The bottom 5 are, wow. I work in one of those towns and it’s sad… but accurate.
Oh lord… One of the towns listed is where I live but no dumpy areas here so it probably won’t be much fun!
We got you if you’re ever making a trip to the Cape! It’s no Colrain, but plenty entertaining.
Allen St in Clinton, see if that Honda is still sitting on jack stands with a trash bag wrapped around the brake drum. Oak St., Plain St, Grove St, Beacon St, Green St, High St, Fitch Rd, Lakeside Ave in Clinton. While you’re there hit up Waushacum Village in Sterling… hidden jewel in an otherwise nice town.
If you’re going to Clinton tomorrow, I don’t know if you have time to purchase kevlar on such short notice. You WILL need extra memory for pix. You will take a lot of pix.
Wachusett!! Come visit us here in Holden!!
Why do all Holden-ites say Golden Holden? Some parts are really really shitty. A LOT actually.
Do one of the MetroWest area.
It’s Rockport, not Rockland.
It’s Rockland. Kimmy Strubell’s hometown.