Smiles And Sunshine

Wanna Take Turtleboy To The Next Level? I Need A Salesperson And A Web Developer Who Wanna Make Money And Revolutionize The Brand


Attention turtle riders – I am looking for two things:

  1. A web developer
  2. Salesperson

I’ve been using the same web developer for years now, and he’s pretty good, but projects take way too long to get done. I’ve been trying for months now to add the ad free option to TB Daily News, get it on the app, and a few other things to improve that website. Turtleboy Sports will still exist, but the fact of the matter is that the language used on TBS leads to it being blacklisted by Google AdSense, and prevents it from being taken seriously. The problem with TB Daily News is:

  • The comments section is no fun
  • You can’t up vote comments
  • There’s no app
  • The online store isn’t integrated with the site
  • There’s no ad free option like there is with TBS

The guy I hired two months ago to to do this hasn’t done shit and isn’t returning my calls or emails so I need to find someone else. If you’re a web developer who knows how to do things and actually returns emails or text messages, send me a ping at If you do a good job you’ll continuously get business from me for years to come.

As for the salesperson, I’ve been looking for someone who could actually sell shit for years now. Many have come before me and wasted my time. They talk a big game and then they sell jack shit. It’s really not complicated getting advertisers on Turtleboy. I did it for two years when I first started the blog. I knocked on doors and made cold calls all around Worcester and had 20 advertisers in a couple months. Everyone knows Turtleboy, and although not everyone likes it it’s still the best place to be seen. We get over 3 million monthly page views on TBS and TBDN. We have over 10K YouTube and podcast subscribers. Advertisers pay to be seen, not because they agree with everything the publisher says. When you advertise with Turtleboy I promote the hell out of you because I’m an extremely loyal person. You won’t get that personal touch anywhere else. 

At first businesses might be apprehensive, but if you know how to sell it’s pretty easy to show them that this is the place to get return on investment. I have rate cards and audience demographic break downs that you can show anyone you’re trying to sell to. I can pay you a commission on each sale, so the more you sell the more money you make. 

I used to make money using ad networks, which are third parties that manually place ads on the site and take a cut. It allowed me to focus on content instead of being a salesperson and the site took off. It also allowed me to go out and get new bloggers because I could pay them based on the number of page views they brought in. They were incentivized to publish quality blogs, and we both benefitted.

Then I got blacklisted by Google AdSense and it’s clear that I can’t count on tech companies. I also can’t afford to pay bloggers like I used to as a result of that. For TBS to go to the next level I need a sales guy or gal. Someone who believes in Turtleboy and wants to partner with me to take it to the next level. Someone who can bring in revenue so I can reinvest it in the company by hiring new bloggers.

I don’t like to compare Turtleboy to Barstool Sports because they’re a much bigger website and a more established brand. But the idea is the same. Both sites are (or were in their case) “controversial,” but both sites are also read and enjoyed by millions of people. Both sites say the things that no one is saying. But Dave Portnoy didn’t build Barstool Sports on his own. He had 3-4 guys, including a salesman, that made his growth possible. If he could thrive after posting a picture of Tom Brady’s kid’s howitzer, and survive constant vilifying from feminists and social justice warriors, then there’s no reason Turtleboy can’t too. I just need to get serious about surrounding myself with the right people.

Don’t get me wrong, I could keep doing this as I am now, get by, and pay my bills. But I wanna take Turtleboy to the next level, and I need a team to do that. If you’re young, hungry, savvy, enthusiastic, and interested in joining me send me an email.



27 Comment(s)
  • Sarah
    April 12, 2020 at 11:00 pm

    Most respectable thing I’ve ever seen you post, Turtleboy. I hope you find the staff you’re looking for!!

  • Tristol Burtlechick
    April 12, 2020 at 5:48 am

    Ooooh ooooh ooooh pick me pick me pick me!
    I can read things, especially FaceBook stuff. Fits my attention span.
    What was I saying?
    Oh yeah.
    I can say bad things about good people, and good things about bad people. I’m just like you.
    I like to do live shit on the computer wearing multiple layers of shirts, just like you and the guy that was trying to sleep with Leigha. Remember her? The one you were trying to sleep with too?
    I’m pasty faced and under average in height. Just like you.
    I live in a basement. Just like you.
    Hit me up, I’m waiting for your call. Breathlessly.

  • Sanford
    April 9, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    I can program in COBOL- would that be of any use to you? Been looking for some work, but no one is interested in COBOL programmers nowadays.

  • Stinky Turtle
    April 9, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    This is rich and hilarious. Bring it to the next level……HA! Your funny once in a while but that’s about it. TBS is basically a Facebook sourced shaming page. Using terms like stench trench, cheese hogs, and other crass language will prevent you from ever being what you are. A regional blog. Btw Unc loves the term stench trench which indicates he doesn’t like the smell of pussy like a real man. Probably has Lysol wipes next to his viagra and adderal dispenser to cleanse his stinky pinky and dinky after his 127 seconds of sex. Eeewwww….pussy!

  • Kenneth Foley
    April 9, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    Nice development
    Onward and upward
    Can’t wait

    Good sales peeps can be serious ratchet whores
    They’re just born that way

  • Turdchomper
    April 9, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    I hear Kunt Blarney will be needing a job soon

  • O yes I want to work with you sign me right up
    April 9, 2020 at 10:32 am

    If you offered to pay me 4 million for 1 years worth of work I still wouldn’t work with you and I could sell you your own underwear You had that one story about the state police a few years back and have not done anything of the like since You sit in your wifes basement day in and day out going through people’s Facebook pages to make the same recycled comments about them that you have used on others over and over and over again in some lame attempt to sound funny and edgy but the truth is you’re not funny or edgy at all maybe the first 2 or 3 times but your shit is old you’re not as witty as you think you are and it shows You’re just a short man with a huge alcoholic red nose and little dick You think you’re better than everyone in this world but you’re not no one actually believes you’re some virtuous boy scout alter boy You hide behind a computer and talk shit about people to hide your own insecurities and failures at life You flip flop on everything and everyone No one actually takes you or your stories seriously people only come here for the comments You said a while back you would never hire other bloggers again but now you’re doing the famous turtle turd flip flop shuffle No one wants to work with a mental midget who has various personalities and other mental health issues You obviously make horrible business decisions and I could see one or two during the course of the life of a company coming into play because it happens but you continuously make bad business decisions Who the fuck in their right and sound mind would want to work with you working for or with you is just asking to be black balled from anything everything and everyone You feel slighted over the stupidest shit then run here and put your whole life on blast you think you’re always right you think you’re the smartest person to walk the earth you think you know everything about everything who the fuck would want to work with you maybe some other mental midget but no sane person is going to waste their time calling and going into business to make you money when the answer will always be NO no one wants to advertise with you that is the worst thing a company could do it would be suicide for any company you had companies here offering Bruins tickets that roofing company for likes on their page that we all know no one actually ever got those tickets how many people here went out and got a new roof because you put that company here no one no one went out and got a new roof from that company we know it they know it and you know it they never got any return on their investment face it dude no one wants to work with you and why should they you have admitted time and time again you will throw anyone under the bus to save face and fit your agenda face it no one actually likes you everyone comes here for the comments and comments only and I see why because the comments are always funnier and better than your lame Facebook stories advertising with you and making a huge return on their investment is one of the craziest things you have ever said its more like you want people to give you money so you can pretend to care about them and promote them while stealing their money under the guise of promoting them lmao how many alarms have you sold that company because of their investment here lol none no same person sees an add on the internet and thinks to them self yeah I need a new roof from a company I’ve never herd of most business today are all backed and promoted by word of mouth not your silly little blog everyone remembers when you came here a few months back pretending to be different people saying they would donate to the turtle disney vacation fund in some lame attempt to make it seem like you had so many people donating to you we all know it was you being a manipulative fuck boi cheerleading for your self
    Just give it up it was fun while it lasted you need a real job but that’s the thing you know no one will actually hire you because no one likes you so you hang onto this by a thread because of that fact you have no actual friends except for that toothless wife beating alchohol hillbilly Bret and I’m sure hes not even your friend your life is completely ruined because you just cant keep your mouth shut you’re worse than a chick with all your blabbering me me me attention seeking behavior you’re a 38 year old man and act like a fucking woman and that’s one of the many reasons you fail at life and your blog is never going to become anything bigger than this you can pretend to have all those paid for Indian subscribers but we all know that its genuinely the same maybe 300 people that read or watch you
    You’re trying to be big and you will never be that big and you hate it because you know it’s TRUE you’re going to die a miserable little man and no one but your wife and kids will be there and and then I wonder if they really will care you’re going to die as one of the most hated people and no one is going to care or even think about you after

    • ee cumming
      April 9, 2020 at 10:48 am

      This may very well be the Mona Lisa of sentographs. To you I say either (a) bravo, or (b) remedial English is in your future.

    • Turdchomper
      April 9, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      Boo fucking hoo. Fuck off Ashley or Kate or whichever smelly cunt ratchet you are

  • randiguy2006
    April 9, 2020 at 10:00 am

    “Revolutionize the brand” LOLz
    All you do is repost FB shit.

  • Rockets Redglare
    April 9, 2020 at 9:07 am

    ” I don’t like to compare Turtleboy to Barstool Sports because they’re a much bigger website and a more established brand “.
    There is no comparison. You heisted all you could from Barstool. The nicknames, the prose, even the sports name. Problem is you rarely discuss sports, and when you do it’s clear you know nothing about it.
    You won’t expand having both websites, the two will always be intertwined. Retire TBS. Barstool essentially canned comments when the Chermin Group gave them a mega million cash infusion.
    You don’t need a salesman you need a visionary leader. Crank seems to get it…

    • South Of Lawrence
      April 9, 2020 at 5:42 pm

      If Turtleboy wrote about sports I’d skip the articles. If you want to read about sports then visit the other pages. I’m here for the constant reminder that there are unproductive members of society out there who need to be shamed and called out for what they are.

  • Crank
    April 9, 2020 at 8:26 am

    This site and barstool are not the same. At all. Barstool took/takes off beat stories in the news and had funny slants on them (before they took off nationally) because he hired funny people. This site digs into Facebook to find gross people to expose and call funny names. Completely different concept. I enjoy most of the shit on here but it’s the product, not the selling that will grow this place. Funny always sells.

  • Ponzio
    April 9, 2020 at 12:34 am

    Coronavirus was created at New England Compounding Center and shipped to Wuhan.

  • Erica
    April 8, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    Wait what do you mean you dont have an app ?? Im on my app right now ?? Also I want to work for you ? Shit I would volunteer.. and im being so serious 🙂

  • Hate Women
    April 8, 2020 at 11:00 pm

    Hope you learned your lesson and won’t hire a woman.

  • Jordis
    April 8, 2020 at 8:44 pm

    I’m a fan. I only read your content on this app but first found you on fb. With that in mind you have so many outlets….
    So many baskets, not enough eggs.

    Maybe consolidation is in your best interest?

  • Curse of Turtle Boy
    April 8, 2020 at 8:36 pm

    Whoever you pick will be/become toxic as fuck and will become your bitter enemies.

  • You need a copy editor first
    April 8, 2020 at 7:47 pm

    Learn to fucking spell you GED valedictorian ass redneck loser

  • Nah
    April 8, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    What you need is some actual decent content.

  • randiguy2006
    April 8, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    No one is going to advertise here unless you get rid of comments. Fair? Probably not, but it’s a fact. You’ve lost every advertiser you’ve had. There’s a reason.

    • Pissed American
      April 8, 2020 at 6:59 pm

      Look at the corporate fascism taking place as we speak. Selling out the first amendment to sell a few ads to these nazis isn’t good for business either. They’ll force TB to write what they want or risk losing revenue. Fuck them.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      April 9, 2020 at 10:12 am

      The comment section is what makes many regulars come here, myself included.

  • Ace Rothstein
    April 8, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    Josh Abrams was taking a victory lap last night saying TurtleBoy just got demonetized and is predicting the end of TBS.

    Of course these statements were made from his bedroom in his parent’s basement.

  • Daniel Sullivan
    Sprinkle Pig
    April 8, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    I wish to God I could help in either those areas but I suck at both. Lol if you would like some “disappeared” or “relieved of their breathe” feel free to reach out to the pig. The Sprinkle Pig that is. Lol

  • No Thanks
    April 8, 2020 at 5:19 pm

    ….Judging from the way you publicly play out your working relationships with people, I imagine your applicant inbox is going to be bone dry.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    April 8, 2020 at 4:59 pm

    You better hire a gay or a trans or at least a person of color or I will be contacting the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

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