Watching These Losers Whine About Trump Bragging About The Size Of His Schmenzer Was The Icing On The Greatest Debate Ever
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If you didn’t watch tonight’s Republican debate then I just feel bad for you. Every debate is better than the last. There’s no more rules. It’s utter chaos and it’s all because of Trump. The best part is that Marco Rubio is jumping into the pit with him too. I have to tip my hat to him for dancing with the devil. Obviously whatever Trump is doing is working, so fuck it. Switch it up. Screw policy, screw the issues, screw everything that used to matter in politics. Just kick everyone else in the nuts and steal their lunch money. That’s how politics works now.
This also might have been the first debate in American history where the candidates actually debated who had the biggest schmenzer. Naturally Trump was leading the charge.
I’d have to check out the archives, but I’m pretty sure no one’s ever done that before. Maybe Teddy Roosevelt and Andrew Jackson. But what Trump just did tonight is the 21st century version of challenging someone to a duel.
All the old school political commenters are talking about how crass and disgusting this is, but what was Trump supposed to do? Rubio clearly wanted to play dirty tonight and America loved it. He implied that Trump had small hands. And the only reason people talk about the size of your hands is because they’re indirectly taking shots at your manhood without explicitly mentioning the goods.
What was Trump supposed to do? His whole campaign has been about getting the last word in, talking about how much he’s winning in the polls, bragging about the size of his Mexican-financed wall, and never getting roasted by the likes of Little Marco Rubio. He had no choice. He can’t let Marco Rubio emasculate him on national television like that. America doesn’t want some President who isn’t confident in his own package. That’s just a time prove scientific fact. Rubio made him do that.
Look, Turtleboy has been consistent about this the whole time. We want anarchy and entertainment. We want debates that turn into arguments about how big Donald Trump’s penis is. Because anyone who needs a debate to help them decide who they’re going to vote for is a moron anyway. Debates exist for our amusement only.
But Fox News put together the LAMEST group of Americans possible to interview as a focus group after the debate. They were asked if they could describe the debate in one word, what would they say?
“Sophomoric, embarrassment, disappointing, shameful, despicable, angering.”
I could watch that Vine a million times on repeat and it would never get old. These people are probably TONS of fun at parties. Espeicially this chick:
How’d you like to be her prom date? Hey Rhonda, what did you think of the music tonight?
And then there’s these two:
Who are exact carbon copies of every Republican I’ve ever seen.
And ya know what? I’m glad these people watched the same debate I did and had these type of reactions. Because THESE are the people who have controlled national politics for too long. These are the people who take themselves too seriously and think it matters if the President says cuss words. And I’m glad that politicians are no longer trying to impress them because clearly these people are no longer the majority. Americans wanna have fun, they wanna laugh, and they want their presidential candidates to let the American people know whether or not we’re electing a guy who isn’t packing.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Hillary is gonna get eaten alive by Trump in the debates. It’s gonna be a bloodbath like we’ve never seen before. He’s gonna have those four guys from Benghazi touring with him on the Trump plane wherever he campaigns. He’s gonna rent out theaters in every swing state and just have 13 Hours playing on repeat over and over again. He is going to mention every single woman that Bill Clinton deflowered. She is not prepared for this and I almost feel bad for her. Because she’s had the luxury of debating against Bernie Sanders, who is nothing more than a 74 year old safe space. She wouldn’t have survived five minutes in the pit with Trump and Rubio tonight.
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