WTF

Weekend Warrior High School Dean Fights Cops, Gets Tased & Arrested At Salisbury Strip Club

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Peter Gagnon, The Dean of Souhegan High School in Amherst, N.H., went full blown Frank The Tank at Tens Show Club on Salisbury Beach Friday night. What resulted is one of the best arrest stories I’ve seen out of the Merrimack Valley lately. Don’t fuck with Pete when he’s scoping out T&A.

BRING YOUR GREEN HAT!

yeaaaa

If you scroll through Peters Facebook page you get all the stereotypical, vanilla, cookie cutter niceties you’d expect to find from a dude who’s the Dean of a NH high school in the middle of nowhere. There are cute pictures of him and his family, pro POW/MIA cover photos, posts about the Sox, Patriots, B’s and C’s and even some pics of a birthday cake made especially for Jesus Christ himself!

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Oh, and a Fisher Price “Little People” manger scene with what appears to be a photo-shopped, holy light shining down on the little plastic baby savior.

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If his outward display of all-American goodness got any sweeter my teeth would fall out and I’d go into diabetic shock quicker than you can say good golly, gosh-darn! The Gagnon’s are the type of family who look like they definitely consume a well balanced diet, enjoy cross country skiing and take yearly trips to Disney where they wear matching Mickey hats and hug a lot.

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Peter has taught Biology at Timberland HS in Plaistow and was the Coordinator of the International Baccalaureate Program in Bedford before being hired as the Dean of Students back in 2013. He went to U.N.H. and has a Bachelors in Science and a Masters in Education. The guy seems to be a pretty average, boring dude. I envision him listening to Ben Folds, starching his shirts, pre-portioning his lunches for the week and neatly trimming his fingernails on Saturday nights.

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BUT! Clearly Pete needed to relieve some scholastic stress over the weekend because he landed himself a pretty hefty police report after raging balls-out at Tens.

For those of you who don’t frequent the pristine beaches along the NH line because you’re too good for slumming it among droves of overweight, white trash gods and goddesses, Tens Show Place is the strip club that looms over the drab, forever greasy strip of Salisbury Beach. Once upon a time Salisbury was the shit and there was a lot more to do than getting your asscheeks eaten by sand fleas. There were rides, actual arcades, shows, etc. Now the highlight of a trip to Salisbury is getting Tripolis and inevitably harassed by the weird fortune teller lady. (Seriously she’s there all year round. I’m not sure how she’s survived living next to the Upper Deck for like 300 years but she freaks me out.)

Salisbury used to look like this:

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Amusement Park, Salisbury Beach, MA

Amusement Park, Salisbury Beach, MA

Oh the nostalgia!

Now it looks like this:

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A few hole in the wall bars, places to get waffle fries and Joes Playland which has an entire 2nd floor of amazing vintage games but only 4 of them work. (Way to disappoint all ages, Joe.) Oh! And Pirates Fun Park where you can play inside a sketchy dudes Lincoln for .75 cents. There’s the Seaglass and Surfside where you can get decent food & drink and a birds-eye view of faded tramp stamps and kids swimming in soggy diapers. Bon Appetit!

But there’s Tens!

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Tens is horribly out of place sitting on Salisbury but serves as the landmark to turn left down Route 1 AKA the Chlamydia highway to Hampton and all things terrible.

So Peter stopped by Tens to get his fill of overpriced booze and glitter-crusted lap dances. To be fair, Tens is actually pretty decent inside. Ya know, for being a strip club in the armpit of the Atlantic.

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Afterall, he could have gone to Kittens to catch Mini-GaGa in all of her vertically challenged glory.

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As the evening goes on, security keeps getting complaints from dancers that Peter (heh.. Peter) has zero concept of personal space. Once Pete hears The Thong Song it’s all over and he starts standing wayyy too close for comfort during OTHER patrons lap dances. You know what would absolutely make my night? Spending an entire paycheck in an attempt to numb my internal misery by buying lapdances only to have Peter creeping up with one eye shut because he’s gotten himself plastered on Stoli vodka tonics. Truly, that sounds thrilling.

So between his attempted discount muff shuffles and the fact that he kept going in and out of the women’s bathroom, security was done with Frank The Tank and asked him to leave. Was Pete willing to oblige?

FUUUUUCK NO!

He figured that stumbling around in poor lighting and ignoring the bouncers was definitely going to pan out well for him. When the cops got there Pete’s initially like “ok ok cuff me.” The cops were really just trying to give him a ride home because even though Pete was glazed like a friggin Easter ham, he was under the impression that he was capable of walking home… To Pelham.

Words start escalating and when the cops decide to actually cuff him Pete starts resisting arrest, swearing like a dickmuffin and wrestling against 3 officers who were trying to get him into the back of a cruiser. Finally they gave up trying to stuff him in the car and warned that they would tase him if he didn’t cooperate aaaaand of COURSE pie-eyed Pete is stupid enough to egg them on.

So he gets tased. Problem solved.

Now while they’re on their way to the police station Pete’s wife starts texting him asking where he is because it’s 1 a.m. and his shirts still haven’t been starched. One of the cops tells her what’s going on and that she should be ready to bail him out after he’s done being processed. Pete gets to the station, tells the officers that his phone number is “1-800-GOFUCKYOURSELF”, flips off the camera during his mug shot and ends up having to be restrained after he starts sticking his head in the toilet in his cell.

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Guys!

I had Pete all wrong! This guy is clearly way more of an animal than he (or anyone else) gives him credit for. He’s totally that dude that you

think

 is put together but then you go on a group camping trip and suddenly he’s wrecked, naked and trying to fight you with a grilled cheese in his hand before it’s even dark out. I know I’m supposed to criticize him for being a huge skeeve but I also think he’s hilarious and I wish I could have been there. Is that bad? I mean don’t get me wrong, him making a big to-do after the cops were trying to be cool with him was prick move and thankfully he didn’t actually touch anyone in the no-no bonezone but I kind of want to take him out for a beer or 12 and see what happens.

Pete got slammed with trespassing, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

Next time it’ll be like:

“Dude why can’t you go to the club with us? Is your wife afraid you’re going to cheat?”

“Nah man she just doesn’t want me sticking my head in toilet bowls.”

He’s currently on leave from the school and is due back in court next month. What do you guys think? Should he be fired? Sound off.

 

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17 Comment(s)
  • May 31, 2017 at 1:55 am

    Wtf is the difference from you sexually harassing every underage and right over the line girl in MA?lmaooo, do yourself a favor and stray from stories similar to your own..

  • Lisa Flood
    May 3, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    NO DON’T FIRE THE DUDE , have him explain to his class that he made a huge mistake, EVERYONE is human , and he didn’t drink and drive ( worst thing ever to do) even worse than than tiolet bowl swirlies by oneself !!!
    Let it be a teachable ( yet embarrassing moment ) hrs got a wife and kids…

  • Alida
    May 3, 2017 at 12:22 pm

    I’d give him a pass for this one.

  • R N Vulva esq
    May 2, 2017 at 11:52 pm

    Fools rush in TB. We are certain that when the tests come back they will show my client may have ingested a bad ice cube.

  • Mark
    May 2, 2017 at 11:43 pm

    He needed to have some chaotic fun, well done.

  • May 2, 2017 at 8:47 pm

    nah give the poor sucker a break! all that being good just finally got to him that’s all

  • Go Pete!
    May 2, 2017 at 8:34 pm

    Poor Pete sounds like he needed to blow off some steam. If his wife is as buttoned up as he SEEMED…. she will more than makeup for his punishment. Let him keep his job. Also he’s clearly an animal. Camping would be epic with him!

  • Ask
    May 2, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    Hahahahaha; really funny but i dont think he should be fired; we all have bad days

  • Haveyouseenthedoctor?
    May 2, 2017 at 7:20 pm

    Was one of the strippers one of his students? Meh, don’t fire him.

  • Mystressovmayhem
    May 2, 2017 at 7:07 pm

    Dude really? Fired? Hell no. He did something stupid but who hasn’t? If the kids like him (Bet you’re ass if the didn’t they will now!) Who cares? I mean think about it, when do kids like their authority figures anymore? Shit happened, make him sign some shit saying he knows he’ll be fired he does it again. Almost a guarantee dude will be divorced, punishment enough.

    • Linda
      May 3, 2017 at 7:41 am

      Divorce is punishment?

  • tngsucks
    May 2, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    Most of you may not be old enough to remember the most famous confrontation there but it was with Sheriff Flynn’s son or son in law, I forget which. He parked his car up on the curb and the state cop told him to get it out of there. When he tried name dropping the state cop said, “I don’t care if you’re the sheriff of Noddingham?

  • WHAT?
    May 2, 2017 at 5:55 pm



    Nothing wrong with that!

    Except, you want to do it in Juarez, or Bangkok. You don’t want to do it at Cheers, where everybody knows your name.

  • Wtf
    May 2, 2017 at 3:46 pm

    Omg. I am laughing so hard. I don’t think he should be fired. Everyone has a rough night. Lmao. Plus he has to deal with a pissed off wife and TBS so that’s punishment enough.

    • Pete's Fanboi
      May 3, 2017 at 1:31 pm

      Only God can judge, amirite?

  • Whatever
    May 2, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    Hero

  • Stardust
    May 2, 2017 at 2:30 pm

    This man is a fucking hero.

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