We’re Looking For New Turtleboy Bloggers Who Like To Sit At Home, Call Out Bullshit, And Make A Living Off Of It
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Do you like sitting at home, going on Turtleboy, laughing at ratchets, and you have strong opinions you’d like to share but you have a family and shit so you wanna keep it anonymous? Good news – we’re looking for more bloggers. We don’t really care where you’re from, although we’re always looking to expand to new areas, so we’ll take bloggers from anywhere. Just no fat chicks please.
Blogging for Turtleboy is not as easy as it looks though. Lots of people have tried out, and it’s hard finding people who have what we call, “the Turtleboy voice.” You can’t teach it. Either it’s in you or it’s not. But don’t let that stop you from trying out if you think you have what it takes.
All of our bloggers on staff right now except for two are part time. They blog when they can, and they get paid per page view on their blogs. It’s not enough to live off of if you only do it part time, but if you sat on your couch all day and blogged then it easily would be. You’d have a nice little middle class lifestyle working from home while all your friends and family commute to work like idiots. I’m not saying how much I make, but it’s significantly more than my previous job. Just don’t think we’re paying for your health insurance. You’re on your own.
But we want to change our current model. We want this to become a career, and not a part time freelancing gig. We’ll still take freelancers, but we’ve reached the point where we can safely say that you can write for Turtleboy and have a mortgage without applying for food stamps.
For you to write for us it has to fit the brand though. No politics. Can’t tell you how many sample blogs we’ve got along the lines of, “stupid libtards, der, der, der.” You hardly ever see us writing about divisive national politics and that is by design. It’s not what we are about. Politics divides people. We unite liberals and conservatives alike.
Also, if you do try out, don’t try to be Turtleboy. Too many people try to be outrageous and go overboard with the insults when they write blogs. Just be yourself. That’s the best piece of advice I can give.
The best part is that as our audience grow, so will page views. If you start blogging for us now you’re gonna make a lot more money as the site grows. Plus, the more quality blogs you put out, the more money you make. Working in an industry where your compensation is directly linked to the quality of your work is rare. We all have a job where we bust our ass and some idiot doing half the work makes the same as us. That’s not how things work at Turtleboy. Our best bloggers are the ones who make the most money, because they’ve earned it.
However, we don’t pay a salary until we’re sure that you’re committed to doing this. Guaranteed salaries make people lazy. Incentives and commissions make people work harder. That means it has to be your primary job, which we realize is a risk that most are not willing to take. But you can always cross that bridge after freelancing for a while.
This isn’t some Beach Body scam either. It’s real life. I cannot tell you how awesome my job and my life in general are. I literally get paid to call people out on bullshit all day, which I did for free for years before the blog existed. After all, this blog was initially just a hobby. I used to hold in farts ALL DAY. Now I let her rip. I can’t tell you the last time I wore pants that don’t have an elastic waist band. Everyone should be so lucky. You could be so lucky.
So if you’re interested in having the greatest job ever then either message us on Facebook or email us at email@example.com. We will explain to you how the tryout works. All applicants will be blogging about the same topic we give them so that way Grandpa Turtleboy can screen everyone on a neutral playing field. We’ll be sharing some of the better blogs to see if you turtle riders think you meet the standard. If not, don’t take it personally. You are still Turtleboy.