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Last year around this time we first blogged about this magnificent creature right here:
Her name is Amber Holly, but you might know her as her by her Christian name – the Burlington Mall Fupaslug. She holds up signs about imaginary kids she doesn’t have and famously falls asleep with Dunkin iced coffees lodged in her gerber servers.
She threatened to sue us last year:
And drives to the mall every day with her able bodied boyfriend to beg for money for the kids they don’t have.
She is the most infamous panhandler in New England.
Now, you may be asking yourself right now, “Whatever happened to the Burlington Mall Fupaslug?” I know I can’t sleep at night sometimes without knowing.
Well, the answer is shockingly the exact same thing she was doing at this time last year. Except now she’s got cool headphones:
God bless America. The only place where you can be morbidly obese and starving at the same time.
But seriously, I love this jello grenade more than life itself. Do you understand how hard it is to fall asleep standing up? The Burlington Mall Fupaslug does it every single day. Sure, she could bring a chair, but that’s what separates her from the rest of the panhandlers.
The best part is she’s not even a junkie, so if you give money to her it won’t go to drugs. She’s just good old fashioned lazy and doesn’t feel like getting a job or paying taxes. God bless you Burlington Mall Fupaslug. We’d love to have you on the Live show sometime if you ever drop your lawsuit against us.
19 Comment(s)
How dare she?
She should beg for money the RIGHT way. Online like TB!
Right “fam” ?
This narcoleptic white whale of myth is fast asleep before we get to work, a real tribute to the New America, and knee to the balls of those with insomnia, fretting over unpaid bills. Join her, Left asleep by the side of the road…
Wait. They’re seriously not on drugs??????????
I handed the fat bitch a jenny craig at and an expired coupon for a free donut at Dunkins.
They sell those things at Bass Pro to attract liberals. You just need to harvest the cash bucket a few times a day so that nobody catches on.
The mere notion of handing my hard-earned money to a panhandler is so alien to me you might as well ask me to saw my foot off with a butter knife.
Only a complete idiot would stick so much as a chuck e cheese token into the hand of one of these well-fed moochers.
You want to really see what poor looks like? Go visit India or Kenya and see how half of their populations live on 1 piece of bread per week and then tell me these morbidly obese land whales deserve your free money!
weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down . . . .
In a way you have to give them credit. She’s not going to work or fit in a cubical for minimum wage. They get up every morning at 5 and set up for the morning traffic, make bank then snooze until the lunch traffic and then clean up on the ride home traffic. Later they hop into their 2017 Toyota Rav paid in cash and hit up Market Basket for a cooked 6lb. Ham leg some mashed taters with gravy and go back to their Condo and stuff their face and do it again the next day. Her and her boyfriend probably have more money than the rest of us and have zero credit card debt or taxes.
She actually has a very pretty face. I’d like to hear from you on TBS Holly, I hope you can come on. We’d love to hear from you. I know how hard it is to lose weight. Hopefully they will call you this weekend, hit them up in their email and let them know if you will be on the live show! 🙂
Oops, Amber, sorry about that Amber Holly.
If she gets any fatter, they will have to put one of those steel plates on the collapsing sidewalk.
Anyone who finds him or herself waiting in traffic (in a car) near this creature while she’s sleeping should blast the car horn until she wakes up. If enough people do that enough times, she may move somewhere else, or she may die from lack of sleep. Both outcomes are acceptable for the moment.
Grrrrrr I fucking hate these people. Worcester is loaded with them at every stop light and yeah if my wife is with me she ALWAYS gives them fucking money!
If I get pissed about it I’ve got to listen to the wife tell me how I have a “Black Heart” for the rest of the ride and then she won’t talk to me.
These sidewalk swindlers are cock blockers!
Get a new wife.
Seriously? Do you wear the pants or does she? Gord lord man, what is happening in this country?
She’s not a junkie??? Really? Since when was turtleboy naive ? Nobody and I mean NOBODY FALLS ASLEEP STANDING UP sober, period, end of story she’s on that Diego’s frequent flier list.
Yup. Cambridge st after work gets out at 5 and Middlesex turnpike around lunch. I always ask them how much oxy’s cost. After seeing pictures of their drug nest up in NH and their SUV, I will troll them every time I see them.
She’s lucky she has such a low center of gravity or she would fall over. Otherwise it would be “help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”.
They also stand on Cambridge st, The boy friend stands almost in front of the sign that says “Subway now hiring” And within 200 yards Party City and a brand new Target have hiring signs out. I make sur to point out that Subway is hiring ever time I drive by so he yells back; “YA! FUCK YOU!” and I respond with a hearty “EAT FRESH BABY!