All-Star Criminals WTF

Widow Dials The Wrong Number For A Funeral Home, Guy Who Answers Impersonates An Employee And Scams Her Out Of $2k To Bury Her Husband

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Ken Psomos is a dumpster dumpling from Peabody who is a con artist and all-around terrible human being. He’s 49, owns a bogus home improvement company, still dresses like a 20 year old douchebag from UMASS Amherst and has no problem scamming funeral money from unsuspecting, grieving widows.

Look at this guy.

He’s almost half a century old and I can guarantee you he’s wearing Billabong cargo shorts and flip flops in that mug shot. Sigma-Kappa-Graybush is a Neverland reject who doesn’t need to grow up because being a leech is easier than mustering up an ounce of determination or integrity. Why work for what’s yours when you can fill your Velcro Fossil wallet with other people’s cash? Just slide that dough right on in with your GameStop card, Cracker Jack stickers and the unused condom you’ve been carrying around since 2004.


The story starts back in December 2015 when a woman from Lowell was trying to call Dolan Funeral Home in Chelmsford to make arrangements to pay for her husbands burial. Unfortunately she mis-dialed the phone number and ended up calling Chumplestiltskin instead. When she asked if she had reached the funeral home Ken was all “yeah dude, totally”. When she told him she was calling in regards to making a payment, Ken told her someone would call her back. He took a few minutes to put on his thinking cap and come up with a quick scam.

Kenny figured he could impersonate a funeral home employee in order to get his grubby paws on her money. The ideal meeting place would have to appear professional, discreet and definitely NOT be a fucking bizarre location for a funeral transaction..


I haven’t even thought about the Pheasant Lane Mall since 1997 but in Ken’s cashew-sized brain, meeting up in the parking lot seemed totally legit. Even though the woman claimed she didn’t recognize him and asked where the other employees were, he convinced her to write out a check for $1,600. She also gave him $500 in cash and it was a done deal.


Good news for Ken: He has the intellect of a microwaved hotdog but he somehow managed to pull off his whackadoo scheme.

Bad news for Ken: He has the intellect of a microwaved hotdog and had her write out the check to AKS Inc…

As in “All Klean Services”.

As in the company he owns and operates.

If you’re going to attempt to rip someone off VIA check, you don’t put your business name on the line where it says “pay to the order of”, especially when you have multiple websites with your name and contact information plastered all over them. Moron.

Ken has a genetic predisposition to suck at everything he does and honestly I’m embarrassed for him. Other “I’m terrible at life” merits:





How he’s managed to ghost the system for a year and a half after robbing this lady when he’s been arrested more than once since it happened is beyond me.

Once upon a time he seemed kind of normal.. ish? He was in the military, was married for a good chunk of time and has a couple of kids.

Look at that baby face.



Now he steals funeral money and takes evening cruises with no license, active warrants and drugs in his car. Think about how big of a shitbag you have to be to steal money from a woman who just lost her husband and was only trying to get him to his final resting place. Ken couldn’t go out and pawn someone’s TV like your average, run of the mill lowlife. Nah, he’s down with screwing over the deceased instead of earning honest money like the rest of us suckers. Seriously, that’s some bad juju Ken. I hope that old dude haunts the shit out of you and blasts phantom farts directly into your open mouth every night while you sleep.

Ken is due back in court on August 9th but something tells he’ll be a no-show. Hopefully he’s smart enough to ditch his pastel Abercrombie garb and opt for something that helps him blend in with the rest of the local scumbags while on the lam.

7 Comment(s)
  • Independent Thinker
    June 17, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Taking advantage of someone in this type of situation is the lowest one can go in being a scum bag.

  • Bubba, Ken's Cellmate
    June 17, 2017 at 5:08 pm

    A for scam originality.
    F for scam execution.

    • Wabbitt
      June 17, 2017 at 6:02 pm

      Averages out to a C. He passed!

  • Wabbitt
    June 17, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Drop him in North Korea with “I am an American spy” tattooed on his forehead. Let Little Kim do his worst.

  • Coach
    June 17, 2017 at 9:35 am

    Coach says: put him in a straight jacket and drop him with a parachute into ISIS held territory.

  • Big Raymond
    June 17, 2017 at 9:04 am

    Shit Bag, guys like him giving veterans a bad name. Despicable what he did to this woman. Dear Judge, This man is not capable of rehabilitation.

  • Ghandi
    June 17, 2017 at 9:01 am

    Scumbag. We really need to get rid of that “cruel and unusual punishment” amendment. Put him in stocks for 21 days, only water. Whatever happens, well, immunity to whoever does it.

    Pray for whirled peas!

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