I’m just gonna come out and say something that’s gonna be incredibly unpopular with the MAGA diehards (I am one myself) who follow this blog and will likely threaten to unfollow afterwards – Donald Trump lost the election to Joe Biden and if you’re still fighting this thing you look like a fucking idiot. I’m just here to help, because people come to Turtleboy and expect authentic takes, not undying loyalty to a person or cause. I’m sure there were some elements of voter fraud (dead people voting, votes accepted past the deadline), and I agree that the process is a national embarrassment.
But the fact of the matter is that Joe Biden won because of mail in voting. When you give democrats three months to get people to vote they are gonna get EVERYONE to vote. People who had no intention of voting, who don’t follow any of this shit, and are too lazy to get their ass to the polls on election day. They sent people ballots in the mail in Nevada without them even asking for it, and even paid for the stamps to send them back. Absolutely zero effort was required to vote, they used the bullshit fear porn of commie cold to make this possible, and when you do that you get millions of uninformed voters who all vote democrat.
There was a way to stop this but republicans chose not to – outlaw mail in voting prior to the election. Any state could’ve done this, and everyone knew mail in voting was just a ploy for democrats to get more people to vote. Here’s how the state legislatures in the five swing states that won this election for Biden are composed:
- Georgia – Governor, House, and Senate controlled by Republicans
- Pennsylvania – House controlled by Republicans
- Wisconsin – House and Senate controlled by Republicans
- Arizona – Governor, House, and Senate controlled by Republicans
- Michigan – House controlled by Republicans
Arizona and Georgia both had the ability to outlaw mail in voting without any pushback. Wisconsin could’ve passed it through both chambers. Cocaine Mitch has been doing nothing but appointing conservative judges for the last 4 years. Any law outlawing mail in voting would be upheld by his appointments.
Instead they did nothing. Now that the damage has been done they’re clinging to losing strategies that have no chance at all of overturning the election – calling witnesses who saw cheating, pointing out names of dead people who voted, etc. It’s not nearly enough. Trump barely lost Arizona (10K votes), Georgia (15K votes), and Wisconsin (20K votes), but he lost by 150,000 in Michigan and 80,000 in Pennsylvania. They would have to prove indefinitely that at least 75,000 Trump votes in Michigan were changed to Biden. They don’t have that. More importantly wasting your time on this doesn’t fix the problem, which is mail in voting. All Republican priorities at this point should revolve around making it illegal and never, ever, ever allowing it to happen again. You might as well give up if this happens every election.
Anyway, if you thought there was any sort of legitimacy to this, or still believe that the election results are gonna be overturned then you should probably see what’s been happening this week. It began when Donald Trump did this:
Impossible result! https://t.co/QDaxamGs3p
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 1, 2020
Retweeted Shiva. If you don’t know what a lunatic Shiva is then you should probably watch my interview with him, in which he called me a cock sucker several times because I asked him for evidence that he lost by 20% in the Republican Senate primary because over 1 million votes for him went missing.
“He’s not my opponent.” –@va_shiva
— Turtleboy Quotes (@TurtleboyQuotes) September 4, 2020
“You’re making a pretty strong claim-“ –@RealUncleTB
“No no no no no. Define evidence. You’re talking to a scientist, define evidence.” –@va_shiva
“Something that can back up your claim.” –@RealUncleTB
“Define evidence.” –@va_shiva
“I just did?” –@RealUncleTB
— Turtleboy Quotes (@TurtleboyQuotes) September 4, 2020
“We’re supposed to talk about voter fraud and you’re talking about an argument put forward by the establishment because the guy [@KOCforSenate] is a cocksucker, and didn’t have any viewers, and he was gonna use me to get his viewership, when the @massgop colluded…” –@va_shiva
— Turtleboy Quotes (@TurtleboyQuotes) September 4, 2020
Or watch what he did when Howie Carr questioned him about a domestic violence arrest.
Both Howie and I are conservatives who voted for Trump, and we know that Shiva is a lunatic who should not be elevated by anyone who hopes to be taken seriously. Then right on cue the Trump campaign did just that:
Dr. Shiva Ayyadurai presents his data at the #ArizonaHearing, showing the only way for Biden to have statistically caught up with @realDonaldTrump was if Democrat votes came in at 130% for Biden and -30% for Trump pic.twitter.com/P2q80JWs78
— Team Trump (@TeamTrump) November 30, 2020
More votes than voters have been counted in Boston, Lawrence, New Bedford, Plymouth, Newton, Barnstable and Rockland #Wonder @va_shiva, thank you very much for your work@realDonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/dAlICpkDH0
— Ludger Pütz (@Kuckucksvater) December 3, 2020
As you can see, Shiva’s evidence that he was cheated was a graph showing that 13,725 people voted in New Bedford, when only 8,914 people “participated.” In reality there are 61,577 registered voters in New Bedford.
But the only thing worse than taking Shiva seriously as a star witness is banking your hopes on this jizz turkey.
Her name is Mellissa Carone from Allen Park, MI. She’s a Trump supporter, failed model, dog filter expert, and duck face enthusiast with a nice set of silicon gerber servers, two poon polyps, and a creepy looking hubby.
According to her LinkedIn bio she’s a Dominion tried IT specialist who got her associated degree in computer/information technology from the University of Michigan after getting her online degree from ITT.
Except none of the University of Michigan campuses offer associates degrees, since it’s a University, not a community college.
She does have a “certificate of completion” from the University of Michigan in her LinkedIn bio though, for completing the incredibly strenuous “cyber awareness challenge.”
But her real specialty is in selling leather belts and Harley Quinn underpants on Pinterest.
And unfortunately Trump’s re-election chances rest entirely on her. For whatever reason Rudy Guiliani, who once guided Americans through 9/11 and was a serious lawyer taken seriously by serious people, has chosen to make her his star witness, and has been parading her around for weeks. Except this look doesn’t sell.
So they threw a pair of glasses on her, made her look 10 years older, and she’s been loving the attention she’s gotten from conservatives and the media.
She claims to be an unbiased whistle blower alerting the world about how she witnessed poll workers run ballots for Biden through Dominion machines dozens of times while she protested and they laughed at her. Then again, she also testified under oath that she had to hide by taking down her social media, but her Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest are all still up and filled with pro-MAGA stuff.
I dunno, something makes me think she might be a little biased. Maybe.
Anyway, she testified yesterday in front of the Michigan House of Representatives, which is controlled by Republicans. And you simply must watch this exchange between her and a Republican State Rep asking her for proof of voter fraud, because I’m pretty sure she’s white girl wasted and in rare form.
a drunk woman is trump team’s star witness in michigan pic.twitter.com/qGxEI3hp2G
— marisa kabas (@MarisaKabas) December 3, 2020
“The poll book is completely off.”
“Off by 30,000?”
“I’d say that book is off by over 100K!!
Any evidence? Nah. She just says so, and she’s an expert with an associated degree from UM, so she must be onto something.
“Why don’t you look at the registered voters on there. How many registered voters are on there? Do you even know the answer to that?”
“I’m trying to get to the bottom of this here.”
“Zero, zero, there’s zero.”
“My question then is….”
“Guess how many, wait, what about, what about, what about the turnout rate? 120%?”
God I love her. She’s alleging that zero of the registered voters at this place are actual registered to vote, and that 120% of them voted. She has nothing to back that up, except for a whole lot of sass and “guess how many” questions. You know things are going great when even Rudy is trying to get you to shut your cock kisser.
“OK there’s two options. Option number one is the poll books aren’t gonna match.”
“Not by thousands of votes. That’s not what we see right now.”
“Take a look again.”
“Option number two is they’re filling in names of people who didn’t vote.”
“Dead people too!”
“We’re not seeing the poll books off by 30,000 votes.”
“What did you guys do? Take it and do something crazy to it?”
Checkmate! They thought they could sneak that one by her, but they underestimated the fact that she just KNOWS they “did something crazy to it.”
Not quite sure what it was because she didn’t specify, but you can assure it was crazy.
“I know what I saw, and I signed something that said if I lied I could go to prison. Did you?”
Biden may as well just give it up at this point.
“Are we saying that the poll book is wildly off or that they’re filling in names?”
“Wildly off. And dead people voted. And illegals voted. So that’s my answer.”
Representative Johnson seemed convinced for sure.
Keep in mind, this is a Republican. He was looking for a reason to believe her. Any reason will do. He was guiding her along, hoping she would have some sort of evidence to back up her claim that 30,000 votes were switched. Her response? Illegals voted. Brilliant.
There was so much more too, and she got even sassier when democrats asked questions. Enjoy.
I really truly can’t get enough of this. The confidence and entitlement is just astounding! pic.twitter.com/NWEBS9W690
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 3, 2020
Could’ve sworn I knew her from every retail gig I worked. pic.twitter.com/5WAzVMdYQi
— Ryan J. Reilly (@ryanjreilly) December 1, 2020
Dominion contractor Melissa Carone believes Nick Ikonornakis was “in on” the “cheating” and he told her to ignore an irregularity she saw. pic.twitter.com/4cBJ83dMPv
— NTD News (@news_ntd) December 3, 2020
Ladies and gentlemen, once again, Michigan MAGAt Melissa Carone, AKA: Drunk Girl. pic.twitter.com/JDhvZw7xE9
— Pauley Teeks (@PauleyTeeks) December 3, 2020
So yea, if you’re still counting on the Trump legal team to deliver this victory for you then you’re probably gonna be disappointed, because this is the A team. Maybe just outlaw mail in voting so we don’t have to rely on Tammy Tits next time.
Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: