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So today was pretty windy in the morning and as a result Worcester was buried in trash. Not because people throw their trash everywhere, but because we recycle. Because for some reason Worcester is the only city in American that manages to create more trash with a recycling program. The problem is they give us these dinky little bins that Worcesterites load up with every possible paper, plastic, and glass product we can find. Because Worcester people are just cheap like that. Sure, yellow city trash bags only cost $1, but I’ll be damned if I have to use more than one per month. Anything and everything we can put in those bins gets jammed in there.
The problem of course arises if there is any sort of breeze. I was inspired to write this blog while driving down Chandler Street. I was minding my own business when all of a sudden – BAM – the turtlemobile got nailed by a flying bin and decorated with junk mail and Dunkin Donuts iced coffee cups. This is what the aftermath looked like on the West Side:
The primary purpose of bushes in Worcester is to protect your lawns from trash.
Look, this is such an easy fix. Instead of these:
The city should be handing out these:
It’s just common sense. Normal cities that have a recycling program use this because they’re down with common sense like that too. Because there is no point of recycling if it just creates more trash. Drive around Worcester and look at what you say. Shit is everywhere because today wasn’t the first time it was windy.
I’ve heard some people say that it will cost too much money. Luckily in this year’s budget a whole bunch of money just opened up because we will no longer be paying Michael Jerry to take imaginary people’s blood pressure at 41 Piedmont Street. Free bins for everyone!! Go Green. Go Turtle. Boom. Problem solved.
P.S. The only thing worse than the bins are the dooshnozzles who pick them up. Every single week the lazy d-bag who picks up the Turtleboy family’s recycling leaves at least three items on our front lawn. And if you call them out on it you can a face full of sass. It’s a tradition like none other.
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