All-Star Criminals

80’s Throwback Crotchdropling Robs Dudley Liquor Store Couple Blocks From Home, Gets Arrested, Has Impromptu Headbanging Concert In Cop Car

80’s Throwback Crotchdropling Robs Dudley Liquor Store Couple Blocks From Home, Gets Arrested, Has Impromptu Headbanging Concert In Cop Car

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Well, he seems normal. Must’ve been the “disease.” I heard there’s a bug going on around here in the ratchet community. Maybe if I bang my head against the backseat of my car a bunch of times I’ll magically become a contributing member of society. Or not.

The most insane part about this story is the fact that he got away with $2,450!! How do you keep that much money in the cash register when you’re that close to Webster?

Anyway, Zack Coghlin sure is a winner.

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Nothing rapey looking about that guy!

Most normal people looking to rob a liquor store would travel a safe distance. Ya know, somewhere not in their back yard where they can be easily identified by the local police. Not this shitstain though. Dipshit McGee robs the store that’s literally a few hundred yards from his house on First Ave.

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Because they’ll never recognize your greasy, flowing locks at the only liquor store in town.

Zack evidently is not a Dudley native, and has burned bridges in other lovely communities such as Haverhill.

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If you’ve got Haverhill moving into your community, that’s not good for property value. Just sayin.

After Haverhill it looks like he moved on to Concord NH, where he was arrested for receiving stolen property at the KFC:

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“Hey, I wanna buy this stolen stereo off of you, but we need a safe place to do it where the cops will never check up on. Oh, I know – let’s meet at the KFC parking lot. Because everyone knows that assholes NEVER go to KFC. Ever.”

His boo is gonna be none too pleased.   Screen Shot 2017-03-09 at 1.39.50 PM

Think he cares what you people think?

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Think again.

Unfortunately for the liquor store it looks like the money is gone for good, as it’s been passed on to the Bartlett High School class of 2011 day shift crew:

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And he sounds like a big tipper.

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Anyway, free my boi!! Only God can judge him!! You don’t even know him!!

 

 

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15 Comment(s)
  • Lola Bunny
    March 9, 2017 at 11:40 pm

    Wow, major sugar daddy! He had $350, and it was fanned out and everything! What a catch! I bet he has a HUGE bank account too! Wonder how much he has in his 401k?

    • LLC
      March 10, 2017 at 11:41 am

      Bwahahaha. A whole $350. what a playboy this trash bag is…

  • WHATEVUH
    March 9, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    Just another shit-stain on the underwear of society

  • wishididntliveinspencer
    March 9, 2017 at 10:14 pm

    Dig around in good old sphincter… I mean Spencer. I’m sure you’ll learn some interesting stuff about this scuzz nugget

  • Concord ?
    March 9, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    Enjoy your summer in state prison.

  • Archie
    March 9, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Note to self:

    -Peach scented clam
    – Topanga

  • Wtf
    March 9, 2017 at 3:40 pm

    If u slap dat ass too hard on DA floor and hurt said ass, do u get workers comp? Asking for a friend.

  • Ana Garlarza
    March 9, 2017 at 3:18 pm

    “I hit liqs all day, in Tauton!!”

  • XYZAffair
    March 9, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    Wasn’t this dude in Firehouse?

    • Joe
      March 9, 2017 at 4:17 pm

      He’s more like Vinnie Vincent’s son.

      • XYZAffair
        March 9, 2017 at 9:23 pm

        Well, he’ll lick it up in prison.

  • Miffed
    March 9, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    He looks like a drop out from the End Of Times church

  • ZephyrCat
    March 9, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    They are hot but not as hot as my favorite band! Scope out the mad guitar sillz of the lead singer.

    • The Real ZephyrCat
      March 9, 2017 at 6:31 pm

      Your taste in music is horrible. Go take your dj act to the old folks home.

  • ZephyrCat
    March 9, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    I would’ve called him a crotch dumpling.

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