Springfield Whoriquas Brawl In Magrag Shoe Aisle In Front Of Small Child As Onlookers Don’t Seem Phased, Ghettofabulous Commentary Ensues On Facebook
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Springfield is a magical place, full of culture and enchatnment. Especially down at the Madrag at Springfield Plaza, where a couple local cheesehogs expressed settled their differences with a good ol fashioned rowdy down:
I’m sure there was a really good reason for that fight to take place. My question is, who stole whose food stamps, or who played bury the broomstick with the other one’s flat brimmed hat wearing lover? Because that right there only happens when food stamps or dick is involved. Then again, it is mating season in Springfield, and these two whoriquas were going at it like two deer fighting for the right to reproduce:
The craziest part about that video is the fact that it was so quiet, and no one did anything. You could hear people in Spanish speaking in the background like they were debating what kind of socks to buy. Here you have these two gravy dumpsters fucking up all the sandals as they repeatedly exchange blows and and no one seems to think anything of it. Just another Sunday in Springfield.
Time for the play by play.
In most places if a fight broke out in the shoe section of a discount store, someone would at least try to restore order and break up the fight. Not in Springfield though. Everyone in Springfield just whips out their iPhones and starts filming. Vertically of course:
Savages. Not just the dumparoos brawling in the aisles. I’m talking about people who still haven’t learned to film horizontally. When will you people learn?
As you can see, both of these grande burritos really wanted the last $3 pair of thong sandals, and they were willing to fight to death over it:
You’ll notice the pink fupasloth has grabbed her adversaries hair, while strategically covering up her own hair, thus preventing reciprocal grab back. This technique is often learned in Alex Morse’s major voting bases.
Soon after the blonde chiqueefa banana managed to grab ahold of her opponent’s hair, thus making it a fair fight:
Shortly afterwards a small child came into the foreground:
Don’t worry, she’s growing up in Springfield so none of this is new to her. More than likely she’s just relieved that for once it’s not her own mother at the center of the brawl. Speaking of, most moms would probably grab their child and get the hell out of there. Not this girl’s spandex clad mama sito though. She quickly grabbed her child, and brought her right back to where she was standing for a better view, but not before giving the viewers a special treat:
What do you wear out in public when you’re 50 pound overweight in Springfield? Floral leggings and a half shirt of course. You don’t get a fupa like that naturally. It takes a special diet of Doritos, blue cheese, and Mountain Dew.
After a while the onlookers almost seemed bored with it:
Two ratchets going at it in the Magrag shoe section? Yawn.
Can’t say I blame her. I mean, there was plenty of good headshots, but they weren’t letting go until one of them had sunk the other one’s battleclit:
Finally someone stepped in and stopped the fight:
Just kidding, she was only grabbing the sweatshirt since it was getting in the way.
After that the two EBT-Rex’s just kind of stared at each other and realized that they were both gonna keep letting the guy they were fighting over dip his tacos in their Guacamole:
After that it was time to stare each other down while getting all purdy and moving on to the next ratchet fight at Wal-Mart.
The only thing better than the fight itself was the post fight commentary. But most of that was in Spanish so it was hard to figure out what the hell was going on. Here’s what we know…..
The chick in the black shirt appears to be Elizabeth Collazo:
And more than likely the guy who she was fighting over is a fan of everyone’s favorite de facto ratchet NBA team:
She’s a big fan of one piece body suits
And the duckface selfie:
You’ll never guess what her favorite liquor is…..
What were the odds that a learned chick like this would have a selfie holding a bottle of Henny? Never saw that one coming!
And she appears to have done a post-fight Facebook Live session, in which she explains the reasoning behind her K-Mart mating ritual:
Of course Turtleboy can’t understand any of that, because as an English speaking person in America, it’s uncommon that I would speak the same language as anyone in Springfield. But she kept showing off the six pack of Corona tucked beneath her Wal-Mart leggings
So it must have been important.
Her adversary appears to have been Nachi Zerep:
She seems nice:
And according to Nachi she hit her because Elizabeth came to her house with a group of people and brought a bat:
Although Thicky Minaj disputes this:
Also, it looks like this might’ve just been round one.
I can only imagine the levels of ratchetry the rematch will reach.
And she wasn’t going down without a fight!!
Nachi says she’s from Holyoke:
Which is obviously SHOCKING, because most people we profile from Holyoke are upstanding, dignified taxpaying citizens. Either way, if she doesn’t follow the rules that Celestino laid out in her emojis, it’s safe to say that she “finna cash dees hands.”
Naturally her friends pointed out how inappropriate it was to fight like this in a store, especially in front of small children. LOL. Just kidding:
The only thing that really matters is who won!! She proud of you girl!
After that the whole crew started chiming in with their brilliant thoughts. Some commented on how they missed the opportunity to loot:
Because apparently $3 is way too much to pay for sandals.
Then Tapioca pudding came in and started to steal the show herself. She was not happy that her “sis” Elizabeth got punched like that, and she was on the hunt for north end rats and/or chotas:
Not sure what that means, but it sounds important.
After that it was time to drag Nachi’s litter of children into it:
I know, I know. I cannot believe these lovely women had children out of wedlock. Never thought I’d see the day.
Tapioca don’t play though. And she’s tired of Fiona thinking she hood n word, and a bunch of other stuff I don’t understand:
She was none too pleased with Nachi’s fighting style, and referred to her as “wack” and even rhymed it with “crack”:
And Nachi wasn’t having none of that:
Oh good, round 2!! This means that Nachi won the fight, right? How does she get to go on to fight the next ratchet if you didn’t defeat the first? Everyone knows that in order to fight Tapioca pudding you have to take out Thicky Minaj first.
The comments even lead to new street beefs, especially when Terry Stebenne opined that the whole thing was over dick:
This led to a back and forth with a lovely young woman named “Flakaa” who pointed out that her and Terry had previously beefed over dick:
This is all really important stuff. Sure, these folks more than likely live in section 8 housing and have no plans for the future. But that sort of stuff isn’t important. Facebook arguments over who was beefing over what dick is what really matters!!
Anyway, as humorous as this whole thing was, these chicks should be arrested. People should be able to go shopping for $3 sandals without having to worry about playing referee in a cheesehog battle royale. The butthurts whine about Turtleboy shaming people like this, but guess what? They should be shamed. Their behavior is shameful and unfit for a civilized society. They should be mocked and ridiculed to the point where they’re so sad and so embarrassed that they correct their behavior. This is what we do at Turtleboy Sports. We shame people into submission for the betterment of society as a whole.
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