WTF

72 Year Old Hyannis Chud Arrested For Getting Cemetery Slobjob From Homeless Chick He Was Paying With Hot Pockets And SJWs Are Mad If You’re Judging Them

72 Year Old Hyannis Chud Arrested For Getting Cemetery Slobjob From Homeless Chick He Was Paying With Hot Pockets And SJWs Are Mad If You’re Judging Them

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Cape Cod TimesA man and a woman each pleaded not guilty Monday to a charge of lewd, wanton and lascivious conduct after a Barnstable police officer allegedly found them engaged in oral sex in a Hyannis cemetery, according to court documents. Louise Lamb, 53, who is homeless, and William Massey, 72, of Hyannis, were arraigned in Barnstable District Court. On Saturday, a Barnstable officer on patrol noticed a car parked in the middle of the Oak Grove Cemetery access road and a man, later identified as Massey, standing by the passenger door, according to a police report. A woman, later identified as Lamb, was sitting in the passenger seat, allegedly performing oral sex on Massey, the report says.

Lamb told the officer that no money was exchanged and that Massey has a “deal” with certain homeless people and provides them transportation and food in exchange for sexual favors, the report states. Massey allegedly confirmed this to the officer. “Once I have held up my end of the deal, then I get whatever sexual need I ask for,” Massey told the officer, according to the report.

Shocking that this would happen by a graveyard in Hyannis. Nothing like this ever happens in or near a Hyannis graveyard.

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Ever.

Last month it was 18 year olds banging each other’s brains out on the bay side in Dennis. Now they’re on the ocean side getting hummers in the graveyard. The cape really is a magical place after Memorial Day.

Luckily in America we are afforded the right to remain silent before speaking with an attorney when we are arrested. Not William Massey though. This walking Cialis commercial thought it would be wise to tell the officer that he has a “deal” with homeless broads, where he gives them food and rides in exchange for blowjobs. But it’s totally not prostitution though. Sure, sometimes he might accept EBT, but he never trades it in for cash. No way Jose!!

And just so the cops understood, he actually explained to them exactly how the transaction comes to fruition:

“Once I have held up my end of the deal, then I get whatever sexual need I ask for,” Massey told the officer, according to the report.

Yup, nothing nefarious about that whatsoever!!

And of all the places this guy goes to give away his DNA slurpies, he choose the graveyard. Because what better way to respect the dead than to have a homeless chick give Big Jim and the twins a bath right next to them?

I figured that this was one thing that everyone would agree is bad. We can’t have dudes bartering for BJs next to the deceased. Ya know, because it’s disrespectful and whatnot. But apparently the feelings patrol was team homeless face frosting:

Wait….what?? So the one chick who actually points out that it’s not exactly in good taste to get a hummer in a cemetery gets ripped apart by SJWs for not looking raggedy enough? People are actually trying to justify this? Newsflash – the homeless can give dudes a blowjob in Cape Cod at places BESIDES a graveyard. It is in fact possible. But I guess having a problem with this makes you white privilege. And Jessica Govoni has the right to lecture us all on our lack of compassion. After all, she saved transgender people from suicide.

Danielle Carlson Spencer had a REALLY important announcement to make:

Breaking news!!! Local woman hitting unfollowing button on Facebook page!! Updates to come at 11! What pages will she follow for news now? Not sure. Waiting for press release to come later. Stay tuned for live coverage.

When someone pointed out that the woman was a former classmate, they got this:

Yes, how dare you talk about this public arrest for debauchery at a place filled with dead people? Why didn’t you go through your high school yearbook and make sure everyone you haven’t spoken to in 35 years is doing OK? That’s what Jane Lancaster would’ve done!!

Then there was this:

Good point Bobby. The homeless should be allowed to fornicate wherever they damn well please. This is a point of view I think lots of people can get behind.

Finally there was a lot of this:

Newsflash Beth – a 72 year old man being arrested for trading hot pockets in for homeless chick mouth milking at the cemetery is absolutely news that the rest of us wanna read about. Because it’s public information taking place at a place where people have buried their loved ones for eternity. Plus it’s outrageously juicy. We don’t wanna open up the newspaper and read about your kid getting second place the science fair. We wanna read about cemetery slobjobs. The only sad part about this story is that the defendants are too old and too homeless to have Facebook. So we’re stuck using stock photos of vagrants doing some dumpster banging in Hyannis instead.

 

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18 Comment(s)
  • HyANUS
    September 19, 2019 at 1:27 pm

    HEY! thats my neighborhood. I literally live across the street from Oak Grove. This is not at all suprising, that place serves as a temporary homeless camp in the summertime.

    If you walk through there at night, you will hear people in the trees, and I’m pretty sure they arent ghosts, just lost souls.

  • Mom's Basement
    August 10, 2017 at 11:10 am

    Did they take the picture before or after the bj?

  • Turtlehead is poking through after I eat Whimpy Skippys
    August 10, 2017 at 10:47 am

    Terre Labaire is a whack job. She is an uber liberal recovering heroin addict that thinks her shit don’t stink. Everyone who disagrees with her is racist, a bigot, or whatever label she can come up with to make you feel bad about having your own opinion.

    Oddly enough, my parents had a business near that grave yard and I grew up there. I found a huge box of porn and a bunch of polaroid dick pics by that exact dumpster when I was 12 (back in 1991). It was the first time I ever saw another dick pic and it still freaks me out to this day. I also banged a chick in that grave yard when I was 19. She was on the rag and I did a reach around fingerbang while I was smashing it and smeared blood on the vinyl siding of that church. Maybe it is still there. But probably not…it was 18 years ago.

    But back to my original post….Terre is an annoying, judgmental hypocrite.

  • Barney Miller
    August 10, 2017 at 5:32 am

    That drug dealer who disguised himself as an old man on the Cape a few years ago must’ve been paroled already.

  • Finn
    August 9, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    If that’s 72 years old, I’m 8.

  • They call me Ponch
    August 9, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Hot Pockets?

    Can I get a reach around for some Elios?

  • Inspector Gadget
    August 9, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    The board walk is also a magical place.

  • Stunt Penis
    August 9, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Guy sounds like every other married guy out there.

    He does his chores (rides, makes dinner, etc.) and his “wife” gives him him reward (whatever sexual need he has).

    What’s the difference?

  • Dick Dover
    August 9, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    does anyone know the difference between jelly and jam?

    • Dick Dover
      August 9, 2017 at 4:12 pm

      For starters, I can’t jelly my dick down your throat snowflake.

  • John Q Public
    August 9, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    Gotta commend the guy for being able to get it up at age 72 – Cialis or no – good work, Mr. senior citizen!

    • Bernie Sanders
      August 9, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      The only thing I’ve gotten up recently were those bad Matzah Balls they served me at Klein’s Deli in The Bronx. Spewed them all over the Subaru on my way back to Burlington. Anybody seen my hair piece?

  • Former Cape Codder
    August 9, 2017 at 3:59 pm

    I have compassion for people who are down on their luck, but homeless
    people ruin every area they move to. They have no desire to work, have an actual
    home, get clean, etc. And they all do stuff like this. Hyannis is getting dumpier
    by the week because the drug addicts all moved down from places off-cape.
    Maybe they could move them to bleeding-heart Provincetown, but they just
    got in an uproar over low-incoming housing they’re building there.

    • John Q Public
      August 9, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      Provincetown is fagtown, heterosexuals aren’t welcome there.

  • August 9, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    a new wrinkle on making out in the graveyard!

    • John Q Public
      August 9, 2017 at 4:00 pm

      Love the comment about “wrinkle”.

  • John Barker
    johnnyb
    August 9, 2017 at 3:34 pm

    Hilarious that there are “stock photos of vagrants doing some dumpster banging in Hyannis” Gotta LOVE The Cape!!

  • Mark D
    August 9, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    is it me or does that guy look real good for 72?

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