All-Star Criminals

A Pawtucket Love Story: Psycho Skankbeast Meets Up With Clinically Insane Street Scum Internet Boyfriend, Gets “Engaged” Less Than 24 Hours Later, Celebrates By Murdering a 54 Year Old Woman

It’s only the second day of 2020, and we already have a quintessential Pawtucket love story for the ages.


From WPRI:

“PAWTUCKET, R.I. (WPRI) — Neither of the two suspects charged in connection with a deadly shooting Wednesday night on Baxter Street entered a plea during their arraignment Thursday afternoon.

Jack Doherty, 23, of Albany and Shaylyn Moran, 18 of Pawtucket, were both ordered held without bail until their bail hearing January 16.

Police said they were called to Baxter Street around 8:15 p.m. and found the victim, identified as Cheryl Smith, 54, shot several times in the chest. She was rushed to Rhode Island Hospital where she was later pronounced dead.

Police said detectives later tracked the suspects to a motel room at the Hampton Inn on George Street where they were taken into custody. A 9mm handgun was also seized.”


You don’t have to be Miss Cleo to have seen this coming, honestly. Just look at these two winners.


They weren’t destined to become doctors, that’s for Goddamn sure.

Jack Doherty goes by the not-at-all-alarming moniker “Gothshooter Santana III” on Facebook, and his posts are totally sane and normal.





No indication that he’d end up violently murdering a middle aged woman at all.






Not one clue there.


Shaylyn goes by either “Shay Shay” or “Griselda Blanco“, and she looks like a delight as well.


But don’t worry, guys. She’s very anti-murder.


Unless it’s a pedophile.


….Or a 54-year-old female in her own home. Whatever.

Apparently, these two met online at some point and started up a romance.  I’m sure it was totally normal and healthy, too. Just judging from their positive, uplifting and cultured social media presences. They finally were about to meet in person three days ago, on New Year’s Eve, presumably to consummate their deep emotional connection with copious amounts of Hennessy, cocaine and completely unprotected sexual intercourse.


At that point, since they had already engaged in recklessly unprotected gland-to-gland combat, they took the logical next step in any Pawtucket, Rhode Island romance – they ran down to the bargain costume jewelry bin at the Salvation Army, picked out a ring, and got engaged.


First come raw dog, then comes an indefinite engagement period. That’s just the native culture, really. What else would they do, get to know each other?


To celebrate their engagement, naturally, they went out, committed a murder, then ran off to a shitty motel to take more creepy selfies,


Before ultimately having the room raided and walking out in cuffs.

So romantic.


53 Comment(s)
  • Death by 3D printed gun
    January 4, 2020 at 11:02 pm

    If the news reports are accurate, the guy shot the woman with a 3D printed gun — the handgun apparently shown in the pictures. If that’s true, wouldn’t this be the first (or one of the first) murders in the U.S. by someone using a 3D printed handgun? You’d think the lefties and their national mainstream media would be hysterically crying that the end of the world has arrived. The New York Times should be flying in to Pawtucket any minute now. You’d think.

  • FowlWords
    January 4, 2020 at 11:01 am

    Can anyone tell me where I can find a young clueless little twat like Shaylyn that I can bang 3x a day for about 3 or 4 years ? I could use her to invent sex acts like you use a garbage tote to consolidate & dispose of your trash. Whatda I gotta do? Get some tats, or some Nike’s or learn white getto lingo, flat brimmed hat, change of address to like a hood? After she has the hardware uninstalled from her face and 12 rounds of tattoo removals an obgyn visit and a delousing….A little toy like her might make for some decent entertainment.

    • Petrarca
      January 16, 2020 at 7:19 pm

      I heard she has a lot of Uncles……I would make sure your identity isn’t ever made public……I WOULDN’T WANT TO BE YOU!!!!

      • Felmmando
        March 19, 2020 at 9:38 pm

        And a lot of daddies.

    • Felmmando
      March 18, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      You could seriously put up with that for 3 to 4 years??

  • useyourlawyerforvisitationyoudope
    January 4, 2020 at 12:05 am

    “Jack Doherty” ? I think the police need to look into possible identity fraud.

  • Toll booth
    January 3, 2020 at 11:26 pm


  • Bullseye
    January 3, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    I love the target tattoo on that dump whores face. Now I know where to shoot my load after I fuck her filthy asshole for a couple of pills.

  • Calm WhiteDad
    January 3, 2020 at 9:30 am

    She is the epitome of a “bad bitch”. She’s the one that killed that lady.

    The face tats, finger tats and visible empty soul is wicked hot. Change my mind. Sure, she’s got a little chocolate milk on her lip but she’ll do.

  • Paul Manafort
    January 3, 2020 at 9:24 am

    Seems like a nice couple. Send money.

  • hartf811
    Father Dimmock
    January 3, 2020 at 8:05 am

    Like a feral raccoon. Soft pats and cooing. Would. Then when I wake up with my left arm missing, bleeding out and she stole my car……..

  • Cptpun
    January 3, 2020 at 6:07 am

    There’s one of the worst fucking tattoos I’ve ever seen my like that target on her face How fucking stupid do you have to be to get a tattoo like that ?

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      January 3, 2020 at 8:54 am

      You’ve obviously never had a one night stand and had to ask “where?” This thoughtful young lady just took the awkward question out of the equation.

  • Flat Brimmed Rachael Rollins Hat
    January 3, 2020 at 2:58 am

    Hope they do at least a hard 30 years each.
    Call me a “Dreamer.”

  • Sleepy Joe Bidden
    January 3, 2020 at 2:51 am

    Is it New Years yet? I was napping.

  • Silencio Dogood
    January 3, 2020 at 12:26 am

    during sex, i imagine that little witchy woman would squirm delightfully under a riding crop… too bad she’s tainted.

    i’m referring to the woman in the story, not Bristol.

  • Fuck Iran
    January 2, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    Quote of the day yesterday….
    ‘We are not leading the country to war, but we are not afraid of any war and we tell America to speak correctly with the Iranian nation.’ Islamic Revolutionary Guards Commander, Brigadier General Hossein Salami warned. ‘We have the power to break them several times over and are not worried.’

    Today he is dead.Thank you President Trump!
    God Bless our troops!!

    Trump 2020

    • Go start your own blog
      January 3, 2020 at 9:12 am

      And call it:

      I don’t know shit, offer nothing and ride a bicycle with no

      • Today he is dead
        January 3, 2020 at 8:02 pm

        Thank you President Trump.

  • BitchTits
    January 2, 2020 at 9:57 pm

    What else can be expected from a white woman that crosses over into bestiality? Her pet sure didn’t keep his innate rage covered for long. She let him off the leash too soon.

  • capone181
    Lee Ho
    January 2, 2020 at 7:38 pm

    What’s the State Flower of Rhode Island, a satellite dish?

  • Liawatha
    January 2, 2020 at 7:20 pm

    These poor individuals were just expressing their thoughts and feelings when the poor lady walked in front of the gun. While it was being fired. Sad to see the evil RI court system is holding them without bail!

  • crime pays
    January 2, 2020 at 7:14 pm

    these two will be set free, nothing will happen to them

    • And you will be set free...
      January 3, 2020 at 9:06 am

      …from your mother’s basement

  • Shane Hoban story time
    January 2, 2020 at 7:14 pm

    I was actually on the unit with gothshooter in Walpole when it was one of the more dangerous prisons in the country. I torched him in a rap battle up C block got some ramen noodles cause of it, after that? got a shamrock tattoo on my upper left shoulder. The rest? Is history of course. Idc what people say. I was hooked on Percocet! I always wanted to be famous. I was meant for Hollywood. With my tight rhymes. Wanted to be a writer though. Only script I ever wrote was that fake one for Walgreens 7/14/05 60 oxy and a bottle of jack. Got shit faced and fist fought my motha. She lumped me up pretty bad. Eye swelled shut broken nose. I was a firefighter that used to golf with Marty Walsh but could never learn how to run that damn cash register at Marshall’s. Had my first comedy show in 2017 at the Middle East. Sold out show. Talked about Tom Brady and how I overcame my oxy addiction. Lenny Clarke was there. He pulled me aside after the show. Whispered in my ear. Cah’s parked out back. We went out for smoothies.

    • Ummmm..
      January 3, 2020 at 9:11 am

      …the Irrelevant Fiction writing class is down the hall.

      • Felmmando
        March 19, 2020 at 9:32 pm

        What was he in for?

  • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
    January 2, 2020 at 6:54 pm

    Dats da diversity dst Ima talkin bout. Every city every dam day.
    Now go shoplift my 14 Iggers

  • whatevuh
    January 2, 2020 at 6:53 pm

    it just boggles the mind how can people get this fucked up? Hopefully someone will kill them in prison

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    January 2, 2020 at 6:47 pm

    Pawtucket savages. Plain and simple. I’m sure the taxpayers have been supporting them for quite a while, and will continue to support them and the 10,000 more just like them. Look how are tax dollars are helping!

    • Felmmando
      March 18, 2020 at 9:48 pm

      I expect them to be very popular there!

  • Pal Joeys
    January 2, 2020 at 6:24 pm

    Miss the old days where maggots like these would
    just disappear.Never to be seen or heard from again.
    Sleep with the fishes…..

    • Ray Patriarca
      Ray Patriarca
      January 3, 2020 at 6:36 am

      So do I !

  • Albert Wise
    January 2, 2020 at 4:56 pm

    I want to sit him in a nice comfortable chair and strap him down and remove all his teeth one by one with a spoon. Then, I would SLAM my rock hard white dick down his throat and hold it there with the back of my hands tightly gripping the back of his head, while he ferociously flails around trying to gasp for air, knowing his last thought will be that he was killed by whities dick down his throat.
    And after I feel his lifeless body go limp, I would cum down his throat and then leave him there like the trash he is.

    • Just A Thought
      January 2, 2020 at 5:05 pm

      This is a weird comment. Perhaps you should talk to someone about your rage issues and your hidden homosexuality.

  • White Plight
    January 2, 2020 at 4:50 pm

    I wound slap that negro till he dropped to his knees and I would make him my bitch.. force him to give me lipnickis like the bitch he is. Probably will spend the next 50 years giving lipnickis in jail.

    • No you wouldn't
      January 3, 2020 at 9:16 am

      You would just come on here, make a comment like that, rub one out to the Victoria Secret catalog and go back to playing Fortnite.

      In fact, you have already done that.

    • Felmmando
      March 18, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      What do you mean, hidden??

  • Kayla Noel-Brown, Quincy skankamuffin.
    January 2, 2020 at 4:46 pm

    I want to slowlyyyyyyy lower his body into molten steel. Like 1 inch every 5 minutes. The molten steel will burn the limbs and stop all bleeding. Be would survive through the whole thing until it got up to his vagina.

    • LeFart
      January 9, 2020 at 9:11 am

      This isn’t THE Kayla, is it??? What an honor!!! Still sucking off the system with grandpa in section 8???? Get a job.

  • Ram Jam
    January 2, 2020 at 4:39 pm

    Black Betty had a child, ram a lam, damn things gone wild…

  • Said Nobody
    January 2, 2020 at 4:21 pm

    What a nice couple. I can’t wait until they have a child

  • Wait
    January 2, 2020 at 4:16 pm


  • Spic Tormentor
    January 2, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    Titless whores like her are okay to hit. That’s what the target on her face is for.

  • Edward Santoro
    January 2, 2020 at 4:03 pm

    I want to dig up his dead corpse in like 10 years and soak it in warm water and oil and VIGOROUSLY bang his asshole while the corpse of his wife is sitting in the corner watching patiently. You’re next babe!
    I’d even make his corpse give me a Lipnicki.

    • See A Doctor
      January 2, 2020 at 5:07 pm

      Get help

  • Barack Obama
    January 2, 2020 at 3:55 pm

    Filthy fucking jigga-boo

    • 0bama Sucks Dick
      January 2, 2020 at 4:22 pm

      Hey Barry, you got any half and half for my coffee?

      • Barack Obama
        January 2, 2020 at 4:25 pm

        No but Michele does … #ManDick

    • Jacked Truck with a Teeny Dick
      January 2, 2020 at 5:23 pm

      Reading these comments reinforces my thoughts that most “turtle riders” are a bunch of losers who would never have the balls to publicly state their beliefs. Kinda like Unc. Oh wait, he wrote a BOOK about it! If only we could see all of you losers, it would be a group picture of what is wrong with America. Unc is sitting here reading these comments although he says he doesn’t thinking the same thing I do. He is a smart guy playing you guys for the dumb fools you are but monetizing it.

      • Tell Us Genius
        January 2, 2020 at 5:53 pm

        Tell me what to search to find the story about you. I bet it’s awesome and includes some of your inbred family members.

      • only straight guy in Northampton
        January 2, 2020 at 5:54 pm

        Yes hes monetizing this site, he’d be a fool not too…I have NO problem with that, as long as TB and Bristol keep exposing these dirtbags, UNLIKE THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA, I will keep reading and keep supporting.. Turtleboy broke the glass ceiling and 20 years from now we will look back on him like the multitudes of ass clowns now brewing microbreers in their cellars drooling over Sam Adams and Dogfish ale.. Someone had to be first… PS I have NO problem stating my politics and views publicly,Trump sign on my lawn in 2016 and Trump sign on my lawn for 2020…

      • Joe Orga?
        January 3, 2020 at 9:20 am

        Don’t you have a court date to prepare for?

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