All-Star Criminals

Anyone Recognize Mixmaster Douchebag And Pet Crack Bunny Who Stole A Pit Bull From The Boston Animal Rescue League?

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I could’ve told you this asshole was stealing this pit the moment I saw this:

New rule – you’re not allowed to own a pit bull if you wear flat brimmed hats with the sticker still on it. Especially if you’re old enough to remember the Challenger explosion.

A couple months back a similar situation happened in Methuen when some deep fried ghetto nugget known as Chunky Brewster stole a kitten. We got her within hours and Malden PD got the kitten back. Naturally the turtle signal immediately goes up now when stuff like this happens:

So let’s give it a shot folks. This guy is likely a career shithead. The woman who stole the cat in Methuen probably just wanted a free cat. But anyone who steals a pit bull is doing so for nefarious reasons. He could’ve stolen any kind of dog, and he chose the one that’s infamous for dog fighting and eating delicious children. Safe to say that this dog is in immediate danger, and this is the kind of individual who will be turning the dog into an aggressive and dangerous animal. More than likely the dog has had more sex in the last 3 days then the South Shore Sausage Queen, as likely they’re trying breed new pits as well. Not that poor Nick is minding it, but once the puppies come he’s no longer going to be of use to them.

A lot of people are blaming the ARL for letting this flat brimmed sketchball take the dog for a walk. Apparently he gave them a fake ID with a fake address, so it’s safe to say their policies will change after this. You’re selling pit bulls in Boston. Once the Roxbury ratchet patrol gets wind of that it’s game over. I don’t blame them, since they’ve probably done this many times before and no one as stolen a dog. But live and learn I suppose.

The only thing I don’t understand is why they waited three or four days to post his photograph. Get that shit out on Facebook immediately. It’s the most powerful tool ever invented for tracking down shiteheads. For all the “Just don’t use Facebook” people out there – Facebook is a borderline necessity at this point. There’s no excuse for any police department or business not to have a page. It’s like saying don’t drive a car. It’s where everyone is at. It’s set up so that thousands of people can share these posts and reach millions. Nothing like this has ever existed before.

They also should’ve posted the whole video too, because Mixmaster douchebag had an accomplice:

Oh yea, the woman scratching herself like Tyrone Biggums sure makes me feel like this dog was going to a loving home.

I’ve never met that woman before, but anyone who wears gray sweatpants out in public and scratches themselves like that while stealing a pit bull has definitely traded in food stamps for crack at some point.

And the stupidest comment of the day goes to…..

Ole, ole, ole, ole!!!!

Yea guys, maybe something “happened” to this man that made him give them a fake ID and steal a pit bull with his crack bunny partner. Ever think of that? Nope. Mic drop!!

Anyway, send us a message to the Turtleboy Sports or Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page or just email and let us know if you recognize any of these queeferinos.

15 Comment(s)
  • SCTR
    April 12, 2018 at 5:12 pm

    Did they find the dog yet?

  • SMH
    April 12, 2018 at 4:43 pm

    If ARL can’t accurately judge character in human animals, how can they do it for four legged ones? Does that woman need to wear a sign informing them she is a crackhead? Did the photo on the (likely) EBT card look at all like him?

  • SMH
    April 12, 2018 at 3:25 pm

    What is ARL to do? Unless douchebags and junkies are excluded in the written rules, they face a riot from SJWs claiming discrimination and rich, white libtard cash donations dry up. Better to let go a dog that is a liability lawsuit waiting to happen, though that won’t somebody from trying to sue them once it bites some kid in Dorchester, Lynn or Brockton.

  • Rick Shaw
    Rick Shaw
    April 12, 2018 at 1:04 pm

    It’s Obama’s uncle.

    • Fake Rant Queen
      April 14, 2018 at 1:56 am

      Look, it’s Auntie Zeitune brought back to life!

  • z
    April 12, 2018 at 11:09 am

    “Yeah, boyeee!”
    Vaguely looks like Flavor Flav.

  • Cracker
    April 12, 2018 at 11:02 am

    Hispanics being Hispanic. And we have to take a fucking “Heritage month” to hear about all the shit they supposedly do, and this is what they do nonstop. Fucking vermin.

    Hey spics, Amy Lord says hi. Oh, no, actually, she didn’t. One of you mentally tortured her for a day, made her empty her bank account, and then slit her throat and left her in a playground to die. Because she didn’t speak Spanish. (Yeah, that’s true. Read the fucking story). So she can’t say hi. Fucking scum.

    • Honestly
      April 12, 2018 at 2:53 pm

      You say racist shit and it’s nothing but upvotes. I say shit about a breed of dog and I get downvotes. That says something about people.

      • Cracker
        April 12, 2018 at 6:10 pm

        So now I know who downvoted me. Fuck off.

        And fuck your “racist shit” comment too. That means people are finally sick of the fucking double standard of blacks and hispanics talking shit incessantly about white people, including that Rican puta who read a poem trashing white people that was read at a fucking school assembly. Am I saying what we’re all thinking? Yeah, most of us. Ever see Indian or Japanese people on the news? They’re minorities. Why don’t they create problems continuously all day and all night? Because they fucking have some sense of dignity.

        The liberal manta is to keep sucking up and giving breaks and looking the other way. Why? FOR FUCKING VOTES. THAT’S ALL. There will never be a fix to black and Hispanic problems because they don’t ever change as people. The situation will always be the same. White people move because the neighborhoods get shitty, then blacks and Hispanics follow them, then they bitch that they don’t live in nice areas, then they populate the area and RUIN it. Roxbury used to be a spotlessly clean Jewish neighborhood. That’s just one example out of thousands.

        The hypocrisy of rich liberal assholes is that they really don’t want blacks and Hispanics anywhere near them, SO THEY KEEP PROPERTY TAXES SO HIGH THERE’S NO CHANCE OF LIVING NEXT DOOR TO BLACKS OR HISPANICS. Then from a safe distance, they cry “oppression” on behalf of minorities while slogging Chardonnay and driving to Newton yoga classes in luxury SUVs.


        Back to the subject at hand. Spics are fucking assholes who have no respect for anything and completely glorify criminals and aspire to a criminal lifestyle. You reap what you sow. If you want to be a fucking “gangsta”, expect the law-abiding public to not like you. They want “thug life”? Then they can prepare to get treated like AND LIKED AS MUCH as thugs.

        Now fuck off again.

  • Nadia Yenraek
    April 12, 2018 at 10:51 am

    Yup. Saw them walking yesterday at Boynton Park

    • Vlad
      April 12, 2018 at 12:50 pm

      Damn Russians, they get kicked off of FaceBook and they immediately come over to TurtleBoy.
      Hey Nadia, got any spare vodka? Yeah, I know, stupid question.

    • Dr. Cock
      April 12, 2018 at 6:19 pm

      Nice girls go to heaven. Nadia goes everywhere.

  • Honestly
    April 12, 2018 at 10:45 am

    Since the only difference in the outcome is that the ARL didn’t receive the adoption fee I’m surprised that this is such a big deal. I don’t ever want to see a pit bull at the house when I’m bringing my kid to a pool party or when that one asshole brings it to all the sports practices and puts everyone on edge. Keep those things in the ghetto.

    • Pitbull owner
      April 14, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      Then Honestly, you may never come to my house for a pool party. Which is in a very nice suburban town. I have 2 pit bulls . Both rescues, the only thing you would have to worry about is getting kisses. 

  • Top turtle fan
    April 12, 2018 at 10:14 am

    Maybe something happened to this guy??? WTF? Thanks,I needed that laugh to start today.Idiot.

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