All-Star Criminals

Anyone Recognize This Chunky Brewster Who Stole A Cat Named Caramel In Her Purse From Methuen Adoption Center?

Have a tip for a story? Email us at

Follow us on Twitter by clicking here

Follow us on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like Turtleboy on Facebook to keep up with our latest posts on Facebook.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.






The MSPCA-Nevins Farm adoption center in Methuen needs your help identifying this Chunky Brewster, who stole a kitten today:

It was all a big misunderstanding folks. The cat’s name is Caramel. And Chunky Brewster here clearly cannot resist the urge to pass up anything involving Caramel.

Seriously though, 200 pounds? Where? On the moon? And why is she dressed like a catholic school girl stripper? I haven’t seen a more identifiable person since Trigglypuff. Surely some turtle rider from the Mingya Valley area has seen this woman holding up the line at the Super Chinese Buffet before.

And before you go whining about how Turtleboy is being mean about her weight like these people:

This woman stole a cat and put it in her purse. Fuck. Her. Feelings.

Believe it or not there are also people defending her actions:

Newsflash – if you can’t afford $300 to buy a cat then you can’t afford to have a cat. Because it costs a lot more than $300 to keep the cat alive. Either way, no one gives a shit if she fell in love with the cat you simple minded twit. Contrary to popular belief you are not entitled to things that you can’t afford just because you want them.

So yea, if you know who she is, let us know by emailing or messaging the Turtleboy Sports Black Lives Matter Facebook page. And if she has a Facebook page, screenshot everything. Because there’s a 1,000% chance she takes it down within in the next 24 hours.

19 Comment(s)
  • President Donald Trump
    January 19, 2018 at 10:24 pm

    This yuuuge Dem supporting 2/10 shithole is covfefe. Sad! Build a wall around her shithouse and I’ll grab the pussy, then LOCK HER UP. When you’re famous they let you do it. We’ll name the puss Stormy because of her dark coloring and maybe next time we can get a puss from Norway and name her Ivanka. Stormy puss can live in the whitehouse and Miller will take care of her when I’m avoiding responsibilities at Mar-a-la-g-o. If Stormy acts up and pisses on Putin’s leg during his next White House visit, we’ll spank her with a Forbes magazine hard on the tushy and she’ll learn that bad little mixed breed kitties are lucky to be in this side of the GREAT WALL! #MAGA

  • White Nationalist Turtle Rider
    January 19, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    Fat people are worthless, bottom of the barrel sub-human garbage.

  • Finn
    January 19, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    I’m getting really aggravated that I haven’t sucked a dick today. Will someone please put a cock in my mouth?

    Get sucked,

    • Oona
      January 19, 2018 at 10:14 pm

      Trolls can eat a bag of dicks

      • Grow up
        January 20, 2018 at 10:20 am

        Trolls have taken over every thread. They are pretending to be a lot of people they are not.

  • 5HourEnergy'd
    January 19, 2018 at 10:36 am

    “Chunky Brewster!!!” That made me literally LOL. When she gets caught (when, not if, because no way does that load blend into crowds unnoticed. She probably mows people in groups down like bowling pins.), her sentence should be to have her name officially changed to “Chunky Brewster” by court order.

    PS- Did they ever identify that trash bag that left the dog outside of the Northeast Animal Shelter?

  • SVU
    January 19, 2018 at 10:06 am

    There are cameras every where now a days, you have to be a complete moron to try to get away with this kind of stuff. I hope the kitten is okay. And there is no way that this woman weighs 200 pounds. She is a beast. At least 275-300

  • Sen. Bernie Sanders
    January 19, 2018 at 12:59 am

    What a disgusting little troll! Paint that shit orange and you’ve got an oompa loompa.

  • Mama Kin
    January 18, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    She reminds me of that little chubby lady on Poltergeist.

    • 5HourEnergy'd
      January 19, 2018 at 10:38 am

      HAHAHA!!! Yes!

  • Jon
    January 18, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    Shes a sexy female danny devito

  • Lt Dan
    January 18, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    Peking Garden BYOC these days?

  • gfldgadfly
    January 18, 2018 at 10:39 pm

    I thought cat burglars had to be skinny, to squeeze through mail slots and dryer vents and such?

    • Finn
      January 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm

      That was awesome 🙂 🙂 🙂

  • Finn
    January 18, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    Her number one defender – Leslie Ortiz also believes you can cure diabetes with oranges & cilantro, treat tumors with cannabis oil and her best life tip yet — if you have cancer, simply “open an apricot seed and eat 10 of the kernels every morning with a glass of orange juice it contains B17 and laetrile which kills cancer cells.”. She’s a regular think-tank.

    Get fucked Leslie,


  • TJB
    January 18, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    I’m taking a wild guess, TB….. I’m going to go out on a limb, with a prediction. LAWRENCE. It’s in LAWRENCE. Let’s hope they rescue this kitty before it’s beef fried rice.

    • Mad Millennial...I didnt major in gender studies!
      January 18, 2018 at 11:47 pm

      I’d be more worried about General Gau’s Kitten suddenly being back on the menu myself…

  • gfldgadfly
    January 18, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    Smuggest, most punchable face since ever.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?