All-Star Criminals

Attleboro Scissorsaurus No Shows For Arraignment After Being Caught Rummaging In Mansfield Basement, Now Selling Engagement Rings On Facebook And Looking For Apartment To Rent With Girlfriend

Have a tip for a story? Email us at [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter by clicking here

Follow us on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.







SourceTwo residents found an intruder inside their North Main Street house early Tuesday and followed the woman outside to a nearby house. The two men, brothers in their 20s, found the woman in their home’s basement rummaging through personal belongings. Their mother woke them after she heard noises, according to police.

Police officers Michael Fitzgerald and Andrew Kelley were dispatched around 12:45 a.m. and investigated before a suspect was found about a half hour later, according to police. Arrested was 29-year-old Andrea L. Courchesne of 10 County St., Mansfield. Courchesne was charged with felony breaking and entering, unlawful possession of suboxone strips and unlawful possession of a prescription pill that has not been identified. She was released on her own recognizance after booking but failed to appear for her scheduled arraignment in Attleboro District Court.

Her mother must be so proud…..

But Mr. Belding frowns upon your shenanigans.

Not even Mansfield is safe when you have a Hockomock hoodrat with the “disease” on the prowl. How’d you like to walk into your basement at 1 in the morning and see this face?

Things will never be the same.

She has a good excuse though:

You can take the ratchet out of Attleboro, but you can’t take the Attleboro out of the ratchet. FAX!!

It’s been over a week since the Attleboro scissorsaurus skipped her arraignment, but that hasn’t stopped her from being a busy beaver on the Facebook machine, posting about looking for a new apartment in Mansfield community pages:


So yea, if you’re a Hockomock slumlord looking for a new tenant and you don’t mind being paid with food stamps and other people’s wedding rings that the pawn shop in Central Falls wouldn’t accept as barter, this is the ideal tenant for you!!

And by “young couple” she means her and her latest doughnut bumper:

If you act quickly, this grundle smearing ritual could be coming to a tenement near you!!

This one probably won’t last very long though. When you’re a lesbian who looks and dresses like an actual chick, you’re a hot commodity on the free market. That’s why she seems to go clam bouncing like it’s going out of style.


She had a good excuse for breaking into that home though…….

She was looking for her cat. In fairness though, it appears as if she’s always on the hunt for new pussy.

Coincidentally she’s also selling engagement rings on Easton yard sale pages:

Which would explain why she’s breaking into homes. Because God knows she pawned her own engagement ring at least a week before that:

You’d think that a woman who is clearly taken for, and who prefers the warm, stimulating currents from the natural springs in the lady’s pond, would be left alone by male suitors. But some guys just can’t take a Facebook hint and feel the need to offer their yogurt slinging services to the Attleboro scissorsaurus:

When Andrea isn’t busy breaking into homes and scouring the gutters for once used syringes, she’s working on her aspiring modeling career by posing for bathroom selfies on top of the sink in the women’s locker of the Attleboro YMCA:

Who hasn’t walked into the locker room and seen a local hogbox kneeling on top of a sink? I’m sure once the “talent agency,” which more than likely consists of a lone horny man in South Dakota, sees her pictures, her career will really take off.

This poonstachio is prophetic too:

Yes it is Andrea. Yes it is.

This is a promising sign at least:

Yes, please Andrea, stay in Worcester as long as possible. Go hang out with Uncle Turtleboy. He loves people like you. Just go west really. It’s all the same to me so long as you stay far, far away from all things 495 south.

42 Comment(s)
  • Henry Iadonisi
    February 3, 2018 at 8:54 pm

    Ur hawt lol i wanna 3sum with u n deskgrl

  • Turd Reversalist
    February 3, 2018 at 5:21 am

    Eh, I suppose I’d chase the brown trout back upstream on this one.
    Maybe let her butchy friend watch while restrained, seething with man-hate and rage.
    That’ll add a few bubbles to the champagne and bring the rockwell hardness up a few points for the Rod o’ Justice.

  • Grilled cheese and sour dough clam on rye with salmon biscuits
    February 3, 2018 at 3:54 am

    These comments are gold.

  • Sparkleface
    February 3, 2018 at 3:50 am

    That is one chillin’ cat.

  • Buck Futts
    February 2, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    What does a lesbian bring with her on a first date?
    …a Uhaul.

  • buffalo bob
    February 2, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    The skank is reasonably cute, good body, lose the lesbo nigger and we can work with that. Any of your attractive dyke lovers come around they can join in and take some sperms, good for the skin. The spook and ugly dykes can fuck off or get kicked down all 3 floors of the tenement.

    If I found her in my basement at 1 am looking for her pussy, I’d ask, do you cum hear often?

  • That fresh feeling
    February 2, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    Love the picture of the girl with tie on with the summers eve pussy cleaner in the shower. Lavender scent

  • Angela’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
    February 2, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    None of you big talkers could hope to satisfy my hunger for cock. Tonya tries, but her strap on only gets me close. To REALLY satisfy me, I need to be ramrodded by a frozen ham, leg of lamb, and a 12lb roast, tied together with barbed wire.

    You’ll know I’m ready to climax when you get a whiff of grilled salmon. 

    • Andrea’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
      February 2, 2018 at 7:03 pm

      Andrea, not Angela. I got so hot thinking about that meat, I fucked up my own name. 

      • Tonya Wilson
        February 2, 2018 at 7:25 pm

        Oh I will get you there, over and over you would be begging me to stop. I don’t need a strap on either,I got my left fist. But right now I got a big black man pounding my ass from behind pulling my hair making me call him daddy, but you could join if you want. I already took my teeth out.

        • Andrea’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
          February 2, 2018 at 7:34 pm

          That’s so hot.

          It’s starting to smell like that seafood joint at Salisbury Beach in my rent-controlled, roach-infested apartment. 

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 2, 2018 at 7:41 pm

            Just think, that’s what your breath will smell like for a month after you go down on my cottage cheese infested clit. You can even let your roaches crawl on my titties I like it dirty

      • Brian Albrecht
        February 2, 2018 at 8:04 pm

        you stupid fucking bitch

        • Andrea’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
          February 2, 2018 at 8:22 pm

          I’d give you a go, Brian, but all the bitches from Weymouth say that you have a tiny pecker. I know they haven’t actually seen it, though, but that’s what they said your boy toys told them. 

          Too bad. I like it rough and stinky; just like I envision you are. 

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 2, 2018 at 8:32 pm

            Me too Brian. I’m willing to give you what ever you want, I just need to wet wipe my poon when big Daddy finishes and then I will be ready for you

          • Brian Albrecht
            February 2, 2018 at 8:38 pm

            You like dope andrea? and PLEASE no bitches from Weymouth said that. Brian Albrecht packs HEAT everyone knows that. Go to Quincy and ask about me, my baby mom will tell you.

          • Andrea’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
            February 2, 2018 at 8:49 pm

            Do I like dope? Do I like dope? HA!

            That’s like asking if Brian Albrecht likes a thumb in his ass while his boyfriend is polishing his knob!

            OF COURSE I DO!

          • Brian Albrecht
            February 2, 2018 at 8:59 pm

            Andrea stop playing the bitch role, you’ll sub to me so fucking fast south shore squirter girl will blush. I bet you’ll paint my ceiling

          • Andrea’s Worn Out Wizard’s Sleeve
            February 2, 2018 at 9:08 pm

            Fine, stud. You think you pack the gear to keep both me and my girl Tonya satisfied? We’ll be the judges of that. 

            Let’s meet somewhere in Southie. You bring the China White, and I’ll bring the works. Tonya will bring the toys. What do you say, big boy?

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 3, 2018 at 9:05 am

            Love dope Brian, do three fingers a day. Not including the ones that I let people slide in me for my free bags of dope. I love taking big cock up the ass and then I get dope on top of it, win win. And your baby mom is laughing so hard right now she is probably pissing her pants. Just wish a few trickles could land on my tongue.. your tiny prick would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, it would be like nothing, my tampons are bigger and those barely fit, I need a baby arm to get off. And we both know that’s not you Brian. I’d give you a sympathy fuck though, I will even through some fake moans in for ya. But you better have a finger at least. And it better be fetty

  • Mike
    February 2, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    I’d bang her, then blow a bit all over that autism tattoo on her arm. Lacquer it up like an antique wood table. Make it nice and glossy!

  • Fish breath
    February 2, 2018 at 4:20 pm

    The girl she is with in the picture under the video, has teeth so yellow I think they might glow in the dark!! Nasty get a fkn toothbrush

  • Montgomery Migs
    February 2, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    I’d ball gag that big bull dyke Mexican and shove big Jake up her asshole and make her watch as I fire a volley of frozen ropes of man butter all over blue bikini gash but stay far, FAR away from that hatchet wound of hers. No doubt, that fuckn’ thing smells like the fish hold of the Northwestern F/V.

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 2, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    Hey south shore squirter girl. SUP?

    • z
      February 2, 2018 at 2:29 pm

      you’re outta luck Brianne she’s not a fag hag

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 2, 2018 at 1:59 pm

    Id stuff that slut like a thanksgiving turkey. Which is exactly what I do to that skinny pussy Uncle Randy’s mother.

    • Dr. Cock
      February 2, 2018 at 2:27 pm

      That’s a coincidence. I was just stuffing Mrs. Albrecht spit-roast style with the black mailman. I’m up her ass because his mandingo wouldn’t even fit in your mother’s ass with Crisco, WD-40 and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter. Hell if she didn’t try though, she loves black cock. By the way, your half-brother in Roxbury says Weymouth is a bunch of faggots, and you’re the biggest faggot of all.

      • Brian Albrecht
        February 2, 2018 at 3:42 pm

        wow uncle randy youre so funny and original. No wonder no woman will ever go near you. Its shocking that you’re even #blessed enough to be an uncle considering your whole entire family looks like sewer mutants. Especially your niece and nephew. Just all around a disgusting family. FUCK WIT ME
        #Whats your address son

  • Tonya Wilson
    February 2, 2018 at 12:28 pm

    This is my soul sister. I robbed all the basements of the tenets in my building too. Stole air conditioners from the bitch next door and put that shit right in my window. I stole kids clothes, winter coats, sneakers. Roller blades, a laptop and even kids social security cards and birth certificates. And can you believe that when my bitch ass neighbor came home a seen her air conditioner in my window she called the cops. Dirty rat. It could have been handled a million ways but instead they call the cops and now I get evicted with my 1 year old baby. What ever happen to snitches get stitches. And taking care of shit by yourself

    • ElJefe72
      February 2, 2018 at 2:00 pm

      Damn! You’re hawt!!  

    • Screw PC
      February 2, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      Shut up you stupid cunt and go make me a sandwich before you get a fucking backhand. Know your fucking role while you still have teeth.

      • Tonya Wilson
        February 2, 2018 at 3:19 pm

        I know your not talking to me

        • Tonya Wilson
          February 2, 2018 at 3:26 pm

          I got a full set of dentures. Give one hell of a gummer. Hey Screw PC you got big words for someone who sits behind a screen. You would run and cry like the bitch you are if you ever had to prove yourself. Your a straight up bitch

          • Screw PC
            February 2, 2018 at 3:39 pm

            Yeah, I’m talking to you, you useless thieving mung bag of a punk. Anyone who robs their own apartment building is too stupid to have a baby. You’re a waste of life, you fucking cow. Give the baby up for adoption and drown yourself. And prove myself? You’re not worth the steam off my piss. Just to give you a hint about me, I’m the one who gives your friends and family member a hard time when they’re on lockdown, and I’m sick as fuck of vermin like you, so I love my job. So fuck off, cunt.

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 2, 2018 at 3:56 pm

            I actually got five kids. The first four were taken and now cause people are rats my one year is homeless. What you don’t get is I could careless about you. Screw PC hiding behind a computer much. Use your real name. You won’t cause your a bitch.

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 2, 2018 at 3:58 pm

            The only one been in lockdown in my family is ME so say your name and let’s do it fuck bag. But you won’t. Cause you got big words and that’s all

      • February 2, 2018 at 5:00 pm

        Damn that was hot lol

  • Uncle Randy
    February 2, 2018 at 11:50 am

    I’d take her out for a nice dinner. Seems like a lovely woman.

  • Publius
    February 2, 2018 at 11:38 am

    Would after half a bottle of wild turkey

  • Dr. Cock
    February 2, 2018 at 11:22 am

    Would, after a bottle of Wild Turkey.

    She’s got a load face.

  • Stunt Penis
    February 2, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Wood not.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?