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Yesterday we published this blog about the Attleboro Scissorsaurus, who was caught red handed breaking into a house in Mansfield, arrested, and didn’t show up for her arraignment.
She then proceeded to post ads on Facebook looking for apartments in Mansfield, and selling engagement rings.
Well, she might not have shown up for court, but she DID show up in the comments section of the Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page to defend her honor.
Luckily she had a perfectly good reason for skipping out on her arraignment:
Of course – the three hour time difference. Ya see, Mansfield is in on eastern standard time, but Attleboro is on Pacific time, and that’s where the courthouse was. Simple mistake. Happens all the time. Who hasn’t take a nap (at night) after getting arrested for burglary and slept through their day in court? Luckily she did show up to court the next day (according to her). That counts, right?
Turns out there was a twist to this story too – the scissorsaurus was actually the REAL victim:
And as she pointed out, this will all be revealed in court. As long as she does’t take a nap on Pacific standard time.
After that she messaged Desk Girl and demanded the blog be removed:
OK it’s starting to make sense now. The Mansfield PD actually told the “victim” whose house was burglarized, that she needs to stop posting on Facebook because this constitutes “harassment.” Ya got that? The woman who skipped her day in court ran to the police to tattle on the woman whose house she broke into because the victim was warning others about her on Facebook. Happens all the time.
She also had a perfectly reasonable alibi for being in this woman’s house at 1 AM in her basement – she was looking for her cat, when she was attacked by the “victim’s” sons:
And her sons “walked her home,” which explains why she was arrested.
According to the scissorsaurus the real reason she didn’t show up to court is because she was scared that they would kill her and her girlfriend, and then revive their dead bodies:
Wowzers!!! This just got more interesting. And once you think about it it actually makes a lot of sense. She was looking for her cat (one of five) in the backyard at 1 AM. Then all of a sudden she was attacked by a man who assumed she was there for his pot plants. They then held her against her will in the basement, beat her up, and said that if she told the cops they would kill her. This scenario actually makes TONS of sense.
Things took a turn for the sexy once Deskie realized that the scissorsaurus likes to swim in the lady pond:
Deskie tried getting to the bottom of it, but it ended up turning into a softcore Skinemax movie:
But everyone knows that the only way to get a blog removed on Turtleboy is by filling out “the form.”
Come on Deskie, be professional. Can you please go five minutes without uttering the phrase, “flicked the bean?” Just because you’ve got a hoo-hoo doesn’t mean you’re not capable of pulling a #MeToo.
But now that the wheels were in motion it was time for Abi to try to get her swerve on:
You wish Abi!!
Abi, that’s not you either!!! Where are all the cysts? Stop catfishing these poor people! She will like you for you. Have you seen her ex’s?
You’re a catch compared to them!
Apparently the scissorsaurus was impressed:
Yes, Turtleboy Live does return tonight at 10 PM. The question is, will the Attleboro Scissorsaurus be joining us to defend her honor?
And she filled out the form as soon as she got home:
Bad start. The name of the blog you were featured in is not “Turtleboy Sports Forever.” That’s the name of the Facebook page you defended your honor on. Also, Andrea was not the nickname you were given. That’s the real name your mother gave you after shit spit you out of her baby cannon. Your name will now and forever be the Attleboro Scissorsaurus.
She also claims to have contacted Attorney Harry P. Cooper, who according to the Google machine practices law in Pennsylvania.
The real question is, which emoji did she choose to rate the blog she was featured in:
I call shenanigans Deskie. The only reason she’s saying she’d jump in the lady pond with you is so you take the blog down. The second the blog comes down she’ll move onto pinker pastures.
Nevertheless the flirting continued:
And as usual Abi ruined her chances by once again referencing her bowel movements:
Unfortunately the Turtleboy Executive Board is golfing in Mar-a-Lago right now, so a decision has not been reached. However, if she comes on Turtleboy Live tonight we will let the people make that decision after she makes her case. As you know, we always let people featured in our blogs defend their honor and explain their side of the story.
See you at 10 PM.