Hoodrat Heroes

Things Took A Turn For The Sexy When The Attleboro Scissorsaurus Messaged Desk Girl, Says She Missed Court Because Of Time Zones, Fills Out The Form

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Yesterday we published this blog about the Attleboro Scissorsaurus, who was caught red handed breaking into a house in Mansfield, arrested, and didn’t show up for her arraignment.

She then proceeded to post ads on Facebook looking for apartments in Mansfield, and selling engagement rings.

Well, she might not have shown up for court, but she DID show up in the comments section of the Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page to defend her honor.

Luckily she had a perfectly good reason for skipping out on her arraignment:

Of course – the three hour time difference. Ya see, Mansfield is in on eastern standard time, but Attleboro is on Pacific time, and that’s where the courthouse was. Simple mistake. Happens all the time. Who hasn’t take a nap (at night) after getting arrested for burglary and slept through their day in court? Luckily she did show up to court the next day (according to her). That counts, right?

Turns out there was a twist to this story too – the scissorsaurus was actually the REAL victim:

And as she pointed out, this will all be revealed in court. As long as she does’t take a nap on Pacific standard time.

After that she messaged Desk Girl and demanded the blog be removed:

OK it’s starting to make sense now. The Mansfield PD actually told the “victim” whose house was burglarized, that she needs to stop posting on Facebook because this constitutes “harassment.” Ya got that? The woman who skipped her day in court ran to the police to tattle on the woman whose house she broke into because the victim was warning others about her on Facebook. Happens all the time.

She also had a perfectly reasonable alibi for being in this woman’s house at 1 AM in her basement – she was looking for her cat, when she was attacked by the “victim’s” sons:

And her sons “walked her home,” which explains why she was arrested.

According to the scissorsaurus the real reason she didn’t show up to court is because she was scared that they would kill her and her girlfriend, and then revive their dead bodies:

Wowzers!!! This just got more interesting. And once you think about it it actually makes a lot of sense. She was looking for her cat (one of five) in the backyard at 1 AM. Then all of a sudden she was attacked by a man who assumed she was there for his pot plants. They then held her against her will in the basement, beat her up, and said that if she told the cops they would kill her. This scenario actually makes TONS of sense.

Things took a turn for the sexy once Deskie realized that the scissorsaurus likes to swim in the lady pond:

Deskie tried getting to the bottom of it, but it ended up turning into a softcore Skinemax movie:


But everyone knows that the only way to get a blog removed on Turtleboy is by filling out “the form.”

Come on Deskie, be professional. Can you please go five minutes without uttering the phrase, “flicked the bean?” Just because you’ve got a hoo-hoo doesn’t mean you’re not capable of pulling a #MeToo.

But now that the wheels were in motion it was time for Abi to try to get her swerve on:

You wish Abi!!

Abi, that’s not you either!!! Where are all the cysts? Stop catfishing these poor people!  She will like you for you. Have you seen her ex’s?

You’re a catch compared to them!

Apparently the scissorsaurus was impressed:

Yes, Turtleboy Live does return tonight at 10 PM. The question is, will the Attleboro Scissorsaurus be joining us to defend her honor?


And she filled out the form as soon as she got home:

Bad start. The name of the blog you were featured in is not “Turtleboy Sports Forever.” That’s the name of the Facebook page you defended your honor on. Also, Andrea was not the nickname you were given. That’s the real name your mother gave you after shit spit you out of her baby cannon. Your name will now and forever be the Attleboro Scissorsaurus.

She also claims to have contacted Attorney Harry P. Cooper, who according to the Google machine practices law in Pennsylvania.

The real question is, which emoji did she choose to rate the blog she was featured in:

I call shenanigans Deskie. The only reason she’s saying she’d jump in the lady pond with you is so you take the blog down. The second the blog comes down she’ll move onto pinker pastures.

Nevertheless the flirting continued:

And as usual Abi ruined her chances by once again referencing her bowel movements:

Unfortunately the Turtleboy Executive Board is golfing in Mar-a-Lago right now, so a decision has not been reached. However, if she comes on Turtleboy Live tonight we will let the people make that decision after she makes her case. As you know, we always let people featured in our blogs defend their honor and explain their side of the story.

See you at 10 PM.

26 Comment(s)
  • U4 Shrimp
    February 4, 2018 at 9:56 pm

    I’ve always had it for girls who are “better” than the “other” girls.
    She could be my own special fantasy — load up about 6 pairs of
    sneakers on the dryer and 45lbs of unbalanced jeans in the washer
    and I lay oh it while she squats on me and we let laundry-hell do
    the Thump-Thunk bang earthquake talkin’ Love it — the washer
    Pounds off-cycle BANG-BANG-BANG, the heat of the dryer on my
    ass, a forced mechanically induced squirt. Lovely, just lovely.
    Ya spermed me (but the clothes are clean!). Yey !!!

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 4, 2018 at 8:37 am

    I’m Brian Albrecht and I approve this blog. I also suck Hugh Jass cock. I want a punch in the anus from a Worcester hardo. Kisses and hugs, you turbos.


  • Ball Stompin' Ed
    February 3, 2018 at 11:20 pm

    Where’s the Turtleboy Live link, kid?

    • E - Entertainment
      February 4, 2018 at 11:13 am

      E True Hollywood Story: Brian Albrecht

      Brian Albrecht was raised in the mean streets of Weymouth Massachusetts. During his childhood he was picked on Mercilessly by the girls in the Neighborhood as the boys felt really bad for him so they left him along. At age 12, he discovered the internet and that he could pretend to be really tough and crazy in blog comments, challenging other commenters to fight him and making idil threats of bodily harm becuase nobody with a life would actually waste their time to show up, beat his sorry ass and risk a criminal record when he whined to the police. This all came to an end when someone finally got tired of his bullshit, found him and shoved a hollow point chambered 9mm in his mouth causing him to put piss and shit himself in the parking lot of the Weymouth Dunkin Donuts. At that point he realized it was all just supressed Homesexuality causing his over agressiveness and what he really wanted was daily Anal pounding from a large black cock. After several trips to south shore Gay bars, he finally found his soulmate LaQuan after a bloody trist in the bathroom of dbar in dorchester. They have now taken advantage of the legal marriage statute in Massachusetts and Brian is finally happy with his daily anal pounding from laQuan, topped off woth a shit flavored protein smoothy.

      • Keir Darcey
        February 4, 2018 at 1:01 pm

        Still, a better story than Twilight

    • Smitty
      February 4, 2018 at 12:50 pm

      You can watch last nights podcast on the blog above this one that’s says ask Bret. They usually go live on sat or Sunday on Facebook to talk about the week. They haven’t been able to go live for a bit cause of all the fb crap. But check it out, the end rap is really funny

  • Steven Stover
    February 3, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    How about a link for the 10 pm show??

    • Smitty
      February 4, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      You can listen/watch the live show on the blog above this one. Ask Bret. They usually go live at ten on Saturday or Sunday on Facebook to recap whats been going on through the week. This one is pretty funny, Bret Killoran joins in smoking his dabs lol love that guy.. and at the end you get to hear the rap, I literally spit out my coffee, was so funny!

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 3, 2018 at 6:47 pm

    Okay you fucking sidewinders i’m on my way to dive bar. Time to show me what you gross trash bags got. Im knocking the first one of you I can tell is into incest the fuck out. Takes me 30 seconds at the most. Probably fuck your girl too. God worcester sucks, but the spics get good dope. So I deal with you white trash communists to get it. HOLLA @ ME if you need that bobby brown brown. HOLLA @ ME if you wanna eat your own teeth. BLUE GILMORE JERSEY RED SOX HAT. FIND ME I SWEAR TO GOD ILL BE THERE BY 7PM!

    • Hugh Jass
      February 4, 2018 at 5:30 am

      BriBri is like TB and his FB lawsuit: all hat, no cow. Poseur. Have someone look that word up for you, BriBri.

    • Fashionable BriBri
      February 4, 2018 at 11:14 am

      You wear the same clothes a lot bro, put down the beer and go buy some new clothes.

    • Jessie Marie
      Bevin Smynch
      February 4, 2018 at 12:21 pm

      Hey Brian, can you share with the class how much you enjoyed that anal pounding I gave you last night?!

      Don’t worry bitch boy, there’s plenty more where that came from! 😉

  • Finn
    February 3, 2018 at 11:04 am

    My very favorite part of TBS is when ever Desk Girl is involved. It is my absolute guilty pleasure. I make a cup a coffee and indulge. Heaven.

    • Finn Funn
      February 3, 2018 at 2:37 pm

      Get fucked man.
      LOL, we know, U like it bro.

  • Brian Albrecht
    February 3, 2018 at 10:48 am

    wow so funny turtleboy. Keep churning out these high quality blogs! Dont worry You’ll always have a reader in Uncle Randy. That is until his nephew becomes old enough to alert someone of the abuse his “Unc-Unc” is giving him….SAD really. AGAIN I will be at DIVE BAR IN WORCESTER IN A BLUE GILMORE JERSEY. IF YOU HATE YOUR LIFE JUST COME NEAR ME AND I’LL END IT FOR YOU. or if youre a true worcester pussy you can let me know if you disagre wit nething i said here and I’ll verbally assault you


    • Tonya Wilson
      February 3, 2018 at 10:57 am

      There’s my bitch.

    • This is Getting Old
      February 3, 2018 at 11:46 am

      Brian, if you feel that you have to validate yourself by making internet threats on TBS, you should really consider reevaluating your life. 

      No one is going to take you up on your “offer.” People with real lives have no desire to go to some shithole bar and fight with a Jersey Shore wannabe douche nugget. 

      You’re loudmouth, and sound like an uneducated fucktard. It might be too late to change into an acceptable member of society, but it’s never too late to try. 

      Now, fuck off. 

      • Brian Albrecht
        February 3, 2018 at 11:53 am

        What does Brian Albrecht use as a punching bag for his cock?

        Mrs. This is getting olds mouth.

        now shut the fuck up and crawl back into what ever sewer drain you came out of. YOU FUCKING PUSSY

        • Tonya Wilson
          February 3, 2018 at 12:03 pm

          Brain stop talking shit and bring me my dope

          • Brian Albrecht
            February 3, 2018 at 12:08 pm

            come and get it bitch

          • Tonya Wilson
            February 3, 2018 at 12:13 pm

            You think I have a car? I’m a junkie, only thing I have is a needle and a ten speed with no seat. I’m not complaining that’s my favorite bike. Lots of pleasure filled rides. The city of champions thats where I will be. Waiting for you, unless daddy wants me for a hour or so, but after I’m all yours

        • Ramon
          February 3, 2018 at 12:29 pm

          Nuclear autism.

          • Albrecht is a closet Gay
            February 3, 2018 at 6:03 pm

            True Statement

          • Brian Albrecht
            February 3, 2018 at 6:31 pm

            GO EAT A DICK YOU FUCKING TURBOS. I have prime real estate in all your heads, beach front property in the middle of your fucking brains. You guys remember what I did to Mike Duggan from quincy? That retards afraid to even say my name on the streets!!

            fuck you

          • Albrecht's Anus
            February 4, 2018 at 10:04 am

            Brian Albrecht do you like the taste of cock better before or after it has your shit on it?

          • Said you name
            February 4, 2018 at 11:10 am

            Say my name, say my name
            If no one is around you
            Say baby I wanna blow you
            If you ain’t runnin’ game
            Say my name, say my name
            You actin’ kinda shady
            I know you wanna blow me
            Say my name, say my name

            Give me a B
            Give me a r
            Give me a I
            Give me a A
            Give me a N
            Whats that spell **BRIAN**

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