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Telegram: A man trying to pick up old furniture on the side of Manor Road was slashed in the hand Thursday afternoon by a couple who allegedly were upset that his truck was blocking the road.

Auburn police Detective. Sgt. Scott Mills said the incident was sparked by “road rage.” Steven A. Chioda, 28, and Aubree J. Gignilliat 24, both of 11 Old Farm Road, were arrested and charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

The stabbing victim told police a man approached him around 2 p.m. near 22 Manor Road as he was picking up old furniture off the sidewalk. Police said Mr. Chioda demanded the man move his truck so he and his girlfriend could drive through. Then, police said, he pulled out a knife.

The victim attempted to fight off Mr. Chioda and knocked him to the ground. During the struggle, the victim was slashed in the hand.

Ms. Gignilliat then got out of the car and, according to police, picked up the knife and threatened to cut the victim if he didn’t stop fighting her boyfriend. The pair then left in a white Toyota Scion and headed toward Worcester.

Around 3 p.m., police put out an alert on scanner broadcasts for police in the area to be on the lookout for the car. The suspects were arrested a short time later off Grafton Street in Worcester.

Those two geniuses have Bay Path written all over them. How priceless is that face on Aubrey Gignilliat? “What’s going on here? All we did was stab some guy? Was that against the law or something?? I’m so confused!!”

And can I just say how hilarious it is that they got arrested on Grafton Street in Worcester? It’s actually a genius move on his part. Because if you look like this:

Then there’s no better place to blend in than Grafton Hill. As soon as the APB went out on this guy the first thing Gary Gemme instructed police officers was to check out the Building 19 parking lot. If Get Down Productions has taught me anything, there was a really, really good chance he was going to propose to her outside of the Stop n’ Shop.

Look, I’ve actually been in the same situation these two nudniks were in before. You’re driving along and some guy in front of you is parking his fat truck of you so he can get a free couch. But what was the guy in the truck supposed to do? You simply can’t pass up a free couch if you’re driving a pickup truck. It’s a rule. That’s why you own a pickup truck – so you’ll never be in a situation where you can’t pick up a free couch.

But this is what Manor Road looks like:

As you can see, it’s pretty much impossible to be in a situation where a vehicle parked on the side of the road while picking up a couch can prevent you from driving. Ummmm, maybe just go around the truck? How bout that moron? Nah fuck it, let’s keep it real and stab this guy instead. That’s how we roll in the mean streets of Auburn.

It’s not like this is a busy street either. There’s basically no reason to be on it unless you live in the neighborhood, which of course these two muff sandwiches do. What do these nudniks do in REAL traffic? How do you get road rage on Manor FREAKING Road in Auburn? If these idiots are stabbing people on this street, I can’t even imagine what would happen if they drove down Cambridge Street. You think the Maranville Park handball team is scared of some grease monkey with a knife? This guy would’ve been been tossed in Dead Hooker Pond within five minutes and his car would’ve been sold for scrap metal.

Oh well, at least I can look at this face and laugh my ass off until the fight starts:

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