All-Star Criminals

Beef Blumpkin #2 Ulta Thief Is Quite Possibly The Most Ratchet Goldmine In The History Of Facebook

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Update: Courtney Danielle’s real name is Courtney Jewett. A turtle rider noticed it in the ultrasound she posted.

She recently was arrested during a drug raid for having outstanding warrants.

And three years ago she held onto her cousin’s infant while she went off to meet a stranger for paid sex, and he ended up murdering her.

Her cousin Courtney Jewett took her infant as she posted the Backpage advertisement. 

Awesome cousin. Go out and fuck strangers for cash, and I’ll hold down the fort while you’re taking it from behind.

 

Earlier today we identified one of the stuffed crust sisters who have been robbing Ulta’s in Connecticut and Massachusetts. We have alerted the Berlin Police Department that it was Rochelle Dickson of East Providence.

And they have updated that she has been identified.

Some will say that the police don’t get their information from us. The facts contradict this false narrative.

This is what we do. We bring criminals to justice. You might not like the language we use in doing so, and you might think that somehow undermines what we’re doing. But we get the job done while you’re whining about mean words on the Internet.

Anyway, we haven’t identified beef blumpkin #2 yet.

You’ll notice that she has some sort of turtle tattoo on her neck. Look familiar?

On Facebook she goes as Courtney Danielle, and in the least surprising news ever she is from Pawtucket.

      

Someone out there has to know her real name. Feel free to let us know so we can update. But her Facebook page is pure, unadulterated ratchet gold. First there’s the boy toy – “Yung O’Melly.” Guess who his favorite sportball team is….

Flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat. Never seen one of those before.

Extra bonus hoodrat points for having t-shirts made of him wearing the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat.

That is everything.

She refers to her spunk grenade as “my property.”

Which is ironic because she has zero respect for the personal property of others, seeing as she is a serial thief.

She wants to make it clear that the guy plowing her is making a solid investment because she can provide things skinny girls can’t.

More cushion for the pushin.

Oh, and punani pie is always on the menu for Yung O’Melly.

And did I mention they have a crotch fruit together? Here’s her partner in crime right after she fired the little raw dog trophy out of her baby cannon.

She has no time for hating ass bitches.

Her credit is exactly what you imagined it would be.

She works for T-Mobile, where she does an impeccable job avoiding use of the n word while on the clock.

It looks like this isn’t her first time being in trouble with the law, as she’s made many references to a recent arrest that was all over the news.

But be warned – if you comment on a Facebook post about her arrest, she’s taking notes on who’s dry snitching.

I so have to find out what she got arrested for now.

And just in case you had any doubt it was in fact her, she frequently tagged her stuffed crust sister in posts about eating coochie and deep throating knob.

    

Here’s my question – why are these hags driving all over New England robbing these particular stores? Bitch, you live in Rhode Island. Do they not have stores in Rhode Island to rob? Leave Ulta’s alone!

The bottom line is this is what we do, and we’re proud to do it. We use our platform to out and shame terrible people doing terrible things. If it hurts your feelings, tough shit. We get the job done while losers whine about feelings, and we apologize for nothing.

21 Comment(s)
  • Steve
    January 18, 2019 at 7:33 pm

    She overdosed twice such a shame, an opioid crisis on our hands. I pray for you Courtney.

  • Lake Flaccid
    January 8, 2019 at 10:40 pm

    Not with Randal Guy’s dick.

  • Randall Guy
    January 8, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    But of course TB doesn’t make fun of people.

  • Jane Goodall
    January 8, 2019 at 11:27 am

    The weakest males are the last to feed and often go without. Eventually they die of starvation or are chased out by stronger males who will sire offspring with as many different females in the troop as possible regardless of age or familial relation.

  • Y
    January 8, 2019 at 10:47 am

    Ass looks like a bag of wet clothes.

  • Dan "More Time in First Place" Duquette
    January 8, 2019 at 10:44 am

    Melly looks like a mixed race cousin of Nomar Garciaparra, who was E6-ed on his head quite a few times as a youth.

  • Independent Thinker
    January 8, 2019 at 9:46 am

    Not the best dresser.

  • BustaRhymes
    January 8, 2019 at 9:29 am

    There was a fat chick from Pawtucket
    that drank semen by the bucket
    she said with a grin
    as she wiped off her chin
    give me another
    and i will suck it

  • Bill Clinton
    January 8, 2019 at 9:20 am

    History shows I’ll fuck just about anything… but definitely *not* that.

  • Maggie the Cat
    January 8, 2019 at 9:04 am

    “Tsunami Warning”…I love it! Thanks for the laugh.

  • Yuck
    January 8, 2019 at 7:58 am

    Big fat ass like that equals lots of little shitballs, pieces of TP, and a horrible, horrible stink. That fat bitch cannot do a thorough wiping of her ass crack. I hope her pencil-dick gang banger has access to a good hose with decent water pressure as that’s the only way that fat ass can get clean.

    • Double Yuck
      January 8, 2019 at 8:43 am

      Totally uses a formerly white hand towel as butt floss in the shower.
      Gross.

  • John Kerry’s Face Looks Like Her Vagina
    January 8, 2019 at 7:35 am

    Not only should there be a Turtleboy graveyard but also a running tally on how much Government assistance per ratchet. I bet you’re in the several million dollar range by now.

  • WeAreFukd
    January 8, 2019 at 7:32 am

    Mentally ill. I blame their parents first.

    Can you imagine Courtney sitting on lil’ Yung’s face? He literally disappears between her ass cheeks, which are disgusting to begin with. You know she can’t reach around to do a good clean up.

    Everyone gets all upset about the shamming. Do you think it bothers either one of the losers? They have no feels’ yo. They are laughing at themselves, ’cause they know they are losers and won’t ever amount to anything.

  • Stunt Penis
    January 8, 2019 at 7:24 am

    Hitler had the right idea, just the wrong demographic.

  • Hub Poon Knows Bitches
    January 8, 2019 at 7:17 am

    Courtney Jewett does some cheap ass amateur porn videos for pornhub. The best one (worst really) I saw, she must have just had a kid, b/c she was lactating and she gave a smoking BJ, that’s right, suck some good ol’ pole while puffing a 120 cig. When Melly was ready to launch his wad, she leaned back and stuck those mammies up, held them together, and then squeezed till milk started spraying all over the place. Melly, being the impotent little fool we all know he is, tried to go Ron Jeremy with some big grunts, but only plopped out a few drops of the celebration oil. On another of her videos, she is doggie style and Melly is hittin her from the dockside. Fuckin riot, like watching Stan Laurel bare backing Oliver Hardy. Anyway, Melly this time has some goo juice to shoot. HE whips himself down on the couch and CoCo goes for it, he needs some more time, so he starts whacking off like a maniac. To stay in the game and not sit there like a refrigerator doing nothing, Courtney starts tonguing his pooper. Only thing is, he apparently had mad unwiped residuals caked all over the thing. She stopped dead in her tracks and starts yelling at the dude, she’s like ‘you dumb ass fucking rancid little twirp, you think I’m hoe cleaning that nasty fucking thing, you got another thing coming.” He looked a little embarrassed, but he just squeezed his cheeks shut, beat his manhood a little harder and blasted it all over her belly. Of course to try and save the video CoCo tried to go all nasty ass bitch her self by doing the finger lick and frothy mouth gurgle with the big dramatic swallow action, but the mood was already dampened. Melly needs to wipe that corn hole better in the future. Alas, CoCo’s pornhub ranking is 4789 out of 5200. Not bad for a fatty.

  • whatevuh
    January 8, 2019 at 7:05 am

    I saw these two at the beach once. They were yelling because people were trying to roll them back into the water

  • Iron Ick
    January 8, 2019 at 6:55 am

    Can we get clarification on whether it’s a Turtle or grenade tittoo.
    Hee hee

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    January 8, 2019 at 5:51 am

    The two of them… Jesus h Christ! First, the hoofbeats when they walk must be deafening, Second, why didn’t anyone give Chase? You wouldn’t have to run after them, a brisk walk would catch up to them in about 50 yards at most, and 3rd, I hope they at least stole some hygiene products, after an hour of walking with the thighs scraping together, its gotta stink down there!

  • Tom Blackburn
    January 8, 2019 at 4:47 am

    Fat people are subhuman. One of the best days of my life was when I was serving in Iraq and killed this blubbery worthless towelhead whale slut for fun.

  • More Cowbell
    January 8, 2019 at 4:24 am

    Gold mine.. you done hit the Mother Load!

    Those cartoons, a picture is worth a thousand words… about the person who proudly posts them. Big boobs on the obese don’t count for much, like a flat tummy on a crack-head.

    Beauty shop… it didn’t work.
    Stretch Pants… they’re stretching alright.
    Is that a cucumber mask.. it’s not a mask.
    They need a beauty warehouse.
    What’s with their crack-head skinny boyfriends… opposites attract or can’t fight back as well.
    9 months pregnant and nobody noticed.
    Every time they go to the beach there’s a tsunami warning.

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