All-Star Criminals

Bootleg Mr. Clean Who Smashed A Glass Over A Dude’s Head In A Methuen Bar And Ran Like A Bitch Got Out Of Jail A Few Years Ago For Gambling Rings And Selling E

Follow @Nunchuck_Ninja on Twitter by clicking here.

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and TB Rider to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all. 


The other day we published this blog showing a classic Methuen meatstick mayhem rowdydown at Brick House Tavern during the McGregor fight. Except this was wilder than most bar fights because a dude gets a glass smashed over his head and his buddy responds by grabbing a chair and throwing it at the guy who smashed the glass before pummeling him into oblivion.

Well, the cops arrested the chud who smashed the glass on the dude’s face:

Police have arrested a 49-year-old man in connection with a weekend bar brawl that left one person injured. Carey Hamilton, who police said lives in an apartment at 20 Washington St., was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and mayhem, according to police Chief Joseph Solomon. Hamilton was being held at the Methuen police station Tuesday night on $20,000 cash bail, Solomon said. He was transferred to Middleton Jail that night and is expected to be arraigned Wednesday in Lawrence District Court, the chief said.

Police were called to Brick House Tavern and Tap at 105 Pleasant Valley St., at 12:43 a.m., Sunday for a report of a fight. The melee followed a showing of a pay per view UFC fight, according to the restaurant’s manager. A 34-year-old Lowell man sustained “multiple injuries to his head,” including cuts to his left brow area and upper lip, a swollen lip, two missing teeth and one that was loose, according to a police report. The injuries may have occurred when a beer glass was thrown at him, police said. The investigation is still ongoing. Police said they have identified other individuals involved in the fight and charges would be forthcoming.

When you look Carey Hamilton up on the Facebook machine you get this accountBut as you can see, Carey Hamilton does not look 49, even in Methuen years.

Granted the douchebag factor is high in this one, what with his proclivity for flat brimmed hats, the hour and a half he spends getting dressed for the gym, his need to go full hardo in every picture he poses for, and excessive use of $100 bill cell phones…..

I could easily picture this juiced up jambalaya smashing someone over the head with a glass because he looked at him the wrong way during a UFC fight.

But that man is clearly not 49. And the thumbnail picture you see when you send a link to the Eagle Tribune article in messenger is not him either:

But that guy is all over his Facebook page though, and he clearly looks much older than that Carey Hamilton:

Oh for fuck’s sake. Can someone please let Hardo Houdini on the left borrow a neck? And if you’re over the age of 24 and you still wear backwards hats and/or sports jerseys out to the bar, there’s a 99.9% chance if I ask you for OC’s you can get them for me within an hour.

From the looks of Carey’s Facebook picture, this bootleg Mr. Clean is his old man, who was released from prison four years ago and still had an ankle bracelet on when the picture was taken:

So that’s clearly Carey Hamilton Sr., the guy who broke the glass over the dude’s head. Glad to see he’s changed his ways.

What did Pa Dukes go to jail for? Oh, you know, running an illegal gambling ring and selling bulk amounts of Ecstacy while cooperating with the federal government:

Carey Hamilton, of Methuen, Mass., is charged with running the gambling operation, which investigators say covered more than $800,000 worth of wagers in the fall and winter of 1999-2000. Hamilton also is accused of dealing bulk amounts of Ecstasy. An affidavit filed last year by Drug Enforcement Administration Special Agent Todd Prough names several other individuals believed to have been involved in the ring, including a Massachusetts lawyer who advised members of the group. Hamilton was first arrested in 2006, and was later released to Prough’s custody while he cooperated with the investigation, court records show. The case against Hamilton remained sealed until last week, after federal prosecutors got indictments charging him with distributing Ecstasy and running an illegal gambling operation.

On Monday, a U.S. District Court magistrate judge ordered that Hamilton remain jailed while awaiting trial, which has yet to be scheduled. The case against him appears to be based largely on gambling ledgers and the testimony of three informants, one of whom claims to have sold marijuana and Ecstasy to Hamilton while working for another dealer in the 1990s, and two others who claim to have worked for Hamilton, taking bets and dealing drugs. All three informants gave investigators information about both the alleged drug-dealing and gambling aspects of Hamilton’s business. The affidavit also names at least one other alleged bookie, and several alleged associates of Hamilton, some of whom were arrested by Salem police.

The informant told Prough that Hamilton began buying marijuana in the mid-1990s, and quickly moved from taking several pounds to several hundred pounds a week. Hamilton later began buying Ecstasy, the informant said. The informant also told investigators that he frequently saw Hamilton taking sports bets over the phone, and a second informant, who was convicted on marijuana charges, told of working for Hamilton’s gambling operation, Prough wrote. The second informant estimated that the bets he or she recorded for Hamilton, mostly from about 10 regular customers, resulted in profit ranging from $5,000 to $15,000 a week, and the informant identified several other people who also took bets for Hamilton, Prough wrote. Those individuals, while named in Prough’s affidavit, have not been charged. The informant provided ledgers from 1997 and 1998 that showed “hundreds of thousands of dollars of sports wagers being placed” through that informant, Prough wrote. The ledgers showed betting on collegiate and professional football, basketball, professional hockey, and professional baseball, Prough wrote, adding that Hamilton employed five agents, and served roughly 100 bettors.

Cooperating – AKA snitching.

And if this guy was buying and selling hundreds of pounds of weed per week in the north shore and Merrimack Valley during the early 2000’s, you know where he was getting it from……


Considering Dad’s priors he better hope and pray he gets Judge Feeney, or else he’s going right back to the Hotel Middleton for a while.

We also uncovered this video of what led up to the brawl happening, and after watching it the whole thing almost feels justified:

Let’s be honest, that guy needed a glass smashed over his head. But it wasn’t him who got hit, it was this guy Miguel according to the comments on the video:

Honestly, they all deserve nothing but the worst. Because these chuds couldn’t keep in their pants and had to establish who was the biggest alpha male at the bar that night, everyone else had their night ruined. You can’t be going out and starting bar fights with people. Who do you think you are? Brett Kavanaugh? Take that shit to the streets where it belongs.

12 Comment(s)
  • JoeMomma
    October 11, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Sounds like a gay hookup gone bad….

  • Knuckle Draggers
    October 11, 2018 at 12:53 am

    Looks like these two roid bros are devolving back to Neanderthal Man

  • they could be useful
    October 10, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    Juice em up on Amphetamines (more than usual) and animal Steroids drop em off in Syria or Iran or Mehico with a weapon and a booby trapped, suicide vest on a 30 minute count down timer. We could drop thousands or tens of thousands, maybe millions of these people off in problem countries including parts of our own country. Iran likes terrorism, South of the border sends us their problem peeps. We should share some of our problem children with Iran and South of the border.

  • 3 chinz
    October 10, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    Yo the big difference between how crackers fight and how da brotha’s fight is somebody woulda popped A cap in dat Ni@@az azz!

  • Merrimack Valley Conference All Star
    October 10, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    This entire post would be about as Methuen as Methuen could possibly get, if only there were some tarted up slut with big hair popping gum in the background, egging everyone on.

  • I hate jigs n spics
    October 10, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    And all we hear about from liberal aids infected cocksuckers is how evil the productive 2 job working tax paying white male is.
    Third world shit hole is here now and the demographics will only get worse. Live for today because tommortow will SUCK.

  • NBD
    October 10, 2018 at 2:08 pm

    The fu guy sounds no different than half of the kids at North High addressing their teacher.

  • ElJefe72
    October 10, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Couldn’t they have just killed each other and saved society the hassle?

    October 10, 2018 at 12:59 pm

    dont forget to add in a crack cocaine dealer. Upgraded from E to crack!

  • Y
    October 10, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    The worst of the worst, from the “Fuck you, my n-word” to the loser, roided out Jankees fan throwing glass cups at veterans. Fuck them all!

  • Judge dread
    October 10, 2018 at 12:19 pm

    The flat brimmed hat, using stacks of cash like a cell phone, yah dude sports type, yup everything I need to know about him has been established.

    Roid head, towny, 75 iq, wanna be gangster. Dump him in International waters. Let Mother Nature have her way with him.

    • let sleeping dogs lay
      October 11, 2018 at 7:12 pm

      Nothing funnier than watching a muscle head arrogant prick go up against a 150 pound man who knows how to fight and watch the 150 pound legit tough guy knock the shit out of the tat covered bicep buffoon.

      Seen it happen, tanned sculpted db knocked down and stunned in front of his entourage and groupy chicks by a skinny nerd because he insulted the nerd for sport. Also watched a 5’2″ fat man beat the stuffing out of a 6 foot something body builder bouncer in Boston. Happens all the time.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?