Breaking News: Facebook Has Suspended All Of Our Facebook Pages, But You Can Still See Our Posts If You Follow These Directions
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Breaking News: Turtleboy Sports Facebook page was basically suspended without any explanation until June 1 at 9:45 tonight:
We’ve been suspended for 30 days three separate times after trolls maliciously reported our page for pornography. Because no one works at Facebook and no one reviews these reports, they eventually just suspend your page. So basically trolls with no life can mass report any page they want:
They also suspended us for 30 days because the Turtleboy statue promotes sexual violence:
This post was also removed for sexual violence:
Hillary trolls did the same thing to shut down Bernie Sanders page a couple times.
We do have our own lawyer just for situations like this. He’s real and he’s good at his job. There is no phone number or email to contact Facebook, so the only way to reach them is to lawyer up. In October he got us a conference call with a Facebook lawyer. This chick had no idea what she was talking about and tried giving us lip service. She claimed trolls couldn’t do what was being alleged, so clearly she was talking out of her ass. Our lawyer threatened to sue and she shut her cock holster and tried to make it right by promising to fix any suspension we received in the future.
Well, now it’s time to cash in. This is different though. The page is not suspended. It just doesn’t appear in your news feed anymore, so you won’t know when people are commenting on a post or when we post a new blog. However, you can switch that. Right next to the like button is the follow button. Click on that. The click on “see first,” instead of the standard “default.”
And make sure the notifications are on. This means Turtleboy Sports will always come up at the top of your Facebook feed. You’ll never miss a hot take.
Anyway, we don’t know why this happened, but there has been some suspicious shit going on lately. Clarence Woods Emerson has admin access to the page. He gets about 4-5 notices a day like this, indicating that he’s sending out spam:
Then Facebook gives you the chance to review the most recent pages you followed:
As you can see, we mostly follow cop pages because that’s where the fun stuff happens. But anyone can do this to anyone else’s account by reporting their account for spam. If you do it enough then the Facebook robots (they don’t employ human beings) pick up that something is wrong with your page. They assume you’ve been hacked and they give you a suspension like we got. There’s an appeal button, but it’s really just for show because there’s a 0.0% chance a human being actually reads your appeal.
We believe this is a coordinated attack by professionals. This is way above Kevin Lynch’s paygrade. We believe this because 15 minutes after the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page was suspended the Lost Boys of Turtle page (which has over 21,000 followers) was also suspended for a week:
We tried to appeal it but got this:
Which is weird because we never appealed a suspension we never received. Obviously the people targeting us saw that our page was suspended, then they realized that they forgot to get our backup page, and they attacked that too.
So we did an impromptu Turtleboy Live show to tell people to follow our backup to the backup page – Turtleboy Smiles and Sunshine. We posted to it, and things were fine for our 3,000 followers there. Then this happened:
Yup. It’s been permanently unpublished. No explanation. No recourse. Nothing.
Facebook is a fucking joke. But they’re a joke that we need because 80% of our daily traffic comes through Facebook. I couldn’t believe the amount of people who messaged us and said, “how do we get to your site without going through Facebook?” Ummmmm….you open up the Internet and type turtleboysports.com. It’s amazing how dependent people have become on Facebook. It’s an unregulated monopoly that donates to the right politicians and can get away with having no employees, cutting corners, and paying their executives multi-million dollar bonuses.
The good news is that the Live Show still works. We did a show tonight to test it out. The notifications come up. So keep spreading the word about how people can actively follow our page while we figure shit out with the lawyers:
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