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Just another day at the officer for Turtleboy – Caramel the kitty cat has been returned, the bad guys we identified were in fact responsible (no word if they’ve been arrested for stealing the kitty), and we got a shoutout at the press conference:
This is what we do folks. We use our platform to reunite stolen kitties with their foster parents so they can live nice lives with nice people. Sure, if we had our page with 112,000 followers we probably would’ve found them even faster. Yes, Facebook and every person who tried to take that page WANTS kittens to remain stolen because they know our page will help reunite stolen kittens with their foster parents. But that does’t stop any of you from contacting us so we can keep exposing bad guys and making the world a better place.
This is what the mainstream media will not tell you about. This is the story they will ignore. The butthurts who whine about “hate speech” and bullying try to protect kitten thieves from being “publicly shamed.” Because that would be mean. They go to bat for the bad guys because they care about their feelings. We go to bat for innocent kittens and puppies.
Luckily for you all we don’t care about the feelings of ratchets. We’re not here to make friends, we’re here to make a difference. And today we all made a difference. We got the names of the bad guys from turtle riders who messaged the Turtleboy Sports Black Lives Matter page. Because they can take away as many Facebook pages as they want, but we’ll just keep making new ones. You can’t stop Turtleboy. It’s not a person, it’s a movement.
Oh, and Worcester Magazine, which has been spreading a fake news story about a washed up rapper suing us to get some cheap page views, was exposed as a fake news media outlet today:
A bunch of people messaged us about this but we had no comment. We knew the truth the whole time but just wanted to hear it from his mouth. “There’s no lawsuit.”
Once again, the Turtlegram, WoMag, and Masslive have spent the last week and a half “investigating” this fake news:
@TalibKweli Mr Greene, I'm a reporter for the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It's reported you are suing Turtleboy Sports. May we ask in what court you have filed suit? Thank you.
— Mark C N Sullivan (@mcnsullivan) January 15, 2018
While we were out reuniting kittens and exposing cops who got arrested at the Ja Rule concert. Combine that with the app and the growth of our Facebook, IG, and Twitter presence, and you’ve got a productive little week for the turtle.