Central Falls sucks harder than I could ever imagine!

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Consider this my first Turtlefail. A correction of sorts.

I can’t stop fucking laughing at myself but I’m going to try to type through my giggling. I got played SO HARD on that Central Falls blog I did this morning. 

I had zero information from the police and couldn’t figure out why, if the whole thing was as crazy as it seemed, there wasn’t a press release done. So, I just went down with what the neighborhood was saying in the comments section. It seemed pretty consistent so, well, that’s what I get for trusting a bunch of ghetto bunnies and street talk.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

Even the comment section was eight. (Ha! Badumching!)

Girl looks perpetually stoned. You know, when she doesn’t have the homing beacon of filters for trashy :

Anyways, I went to go call out Aley MissMarie Davis for acting like she knew the whole story and LOOK WHO I FOUND.

Girl, you silly. Don’t go trying to change your name to hide from me. You know that I’m going to find your dog filter pics anyways!

And here is the underage goon who knocked her up:

I majored in “Crippin” too. Homeboy looks like Grimace.

So I was told it was a mother who was feeding her child by Aley. That she got grazed by a bullet shot by some hood rats. Yada yadddda.

That explained why the girl came out of the house with her titties flying everywhere and covered in blood.

Shit! I even said she looked pretty good for someone who had just given birth and taken a bullet. I was wicked nice about it!

Well, I guess my blog caused the police to clear it up by issuing a press release.  What actually happened makes the original story fail even funnier. I don’t even care if I got taken for a ride. This is hysterical.

CENTRAL FALLS, R.I. (WPRI) — An 18-year-old who claimed she was grazed by a bullet fired into a home made the whole thing up, Central Falls police said Wednesday.

Police said Lisa Henriquez actually shot herself by accident while she and two others were playing with a gun in the Parker Street home Tuesday afternoon. According to police, the three thought the gun was not loaded.
When officers responded to the reported shooting, police said Henriquez and others at the house told officers that a gunman had fired through the window, then ran off. Police said several more officers rushed to the Parker Street address to search for a suspect and other possible victims.

After she was treated for a gunshot wound to her cheek at Rhode Island Hospital, police said they charged Henriquez with obstructing officers and firing a gun in a compact area.

Police said they also charged a 16-year-old boy, claiming he was in possession of the gun. Police said the boy also tried to hide the gun from officers.

According to police, Henriquez was released on $50,000 personal recognizance following her arraignment Wednesday morning. The 16-year-old was arraigned in Family Court and ordered held at the Training School.

You know, the last time I played Russian Roulette with my tig ol biddies flying all over the place, with my two under age gang baes hanging out with me, I shot myself too! Them triggers be tricky!

Plus, my fingers were greasy from them hot fries I was eating. SSTG loves her some Hot Fries.

Then, once my floppy funbags were nice and lubed up with my own self-inflicted wound-blood, I waited for them coppers to kick my door in and make me run across the street to safety. I guess that would classify them as street cones.

Well, I’m glad there wasn’t a baby nearly killed. Just my ego. 😂 I’m not going alone. I’m taking the whole crew of hoodrats with me! Bwahaha! Desk Girl is going to be busy AF.

Turtle along my wonderful friends. I fully expect for all of you to have one-liner jokes at my expense for me in the comments! I’m sure you won’t disappoint!

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