All-Star Criminals

Cocksmooch Who Sent Me Death Threats Is Fall River Necrophiliac Dan Astle, Used His Real Email Address And Was Previously Featured On Turtleboy For Dick Pics To Teens


Earlier today I made an announcement on YouTube about a death threat I received from what I assumed was an anonymous email account.

I figured it was anonymous because no one would be that dumb to use their real email address to send threats like this:

Well, some turtle riders decided to Google his email address just for shits and giggles and wouldn’t ya know it? They found this.

Well he must be the stupidest mother fucker alive. When Dan Astle was a kid and they played hide and seek, he was the one that hid behind the door. He even shared the picture he sent me on his Facebook page on June 29.

This dumbshit mother fucker. LOL. You can even tell it’s his nails.


We publish a lot of blogs so the name didn’t ring a bell at first. Then someone sent me this blog that Manch wrote last year about him. He seems like a really stable guy.









Thanks Dan, you just made this much easier than I thought it would be. Now go charge your phone so when the cops call you you’re not beating off to PornHub on a 2% battery.

I emailed him back to let him know that I knew who he was, and that I would be contacting the police. He unsurprisingly didn’t seem to give a shit.

Obviously this dude’s crazy, but a message needs to be sent. This dude is a psycho and as far as I’m concerned he’s dangerous. He solicited underage girls with dick pics, and he’s a predator. Naturally he blends right in in Fall River, which is why he’s managed not to stand out like a sore thumb.


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19 Comment(s)
  • ncfoothillbilly
    September 6, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    Ill wager a guess this guy has raped a few kittens.

  • Doogie Howser M.D.
    September 6, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    I’d be more worried about him cutting my skin and having to get an amputation for the ensuing sepsis infection.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    September 5, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Jeezus Unk, you sure know how to pick ’em.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    September 5, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    Why does Uncle post links in the blog to his Youtube videos when he has them set to be only viewable on Youtube?

  • Yucky ass man
    September 5, 2019 at 11:24 am

    First impressions really do tell you a lot about someone. Without knowing one thing about this guy, just seeing his fingernails tells me, he is not someone I want to know at all.

  • capone181
    Total Mayhem
    September 5, 2019 at 9:26 am

    Is he the old guy with wild hair in the bathing suit, or the younger guy with the bullet in his hand? I’m confused. Help! LOL

  • Gash Basher
    September 5, 2019 at 9:21 am

    He looks like he has a bunch of special needs

  • Find out
    September 5, 2019 at 6:30 am

    Can’t get anything by turtle riders.

  • Boston Guy
    September 5, 2019 at 6:24 am

    This guy woulda loved Epsteine Island.

    • Uncle kraft
      September 5, 2019 at 8:15 am

      We miss jeffrey he always got the hottest little boys for me. I wish TB was 33 years younger.

  • 2wentee
    September 5, 2019 at 5:34 am

    Then I’m going to sew your sewing kit shut and tear all your clothes on the seam

  • Dan Asthole
    September 5, 2019 at 4:49 am

    If you see something say something only applies if the person in question is a law abiding person. This Dan “shit for brains” Astle is expected to be a criminal so he gets a quasi pass, conditions of release he won’t follow, downgraded charges. Public defender, bad childhood, got the disease etc etc etc.

    By the time the courts are done Dan Astle will have a full scholarship to a State College cuz he’s the real victim in all of this.

  • Garcia Vega
    September 5, 2019 at 4:23 am

    As Bugs Bunny used to say , ” What a maroon” It never stops amazing me, just when I think that there isn’t anyone stupider, I’m proven wrong.

  • Redleg
    September 5, 2019 at 3:20 am

    “protective custody for slander”… come on now this HAS to go in the top ten TB bullshit phrases ever uttered!

  • lawlaw
    September 5, 2019 at 1:12 am

    he is a really creepy looking guy. yuck!!!

  • Y
    September 5, 2019 at 12:28 am

    Holden PD better take this serious; this dude’s a skinner and a serious public threat.

  • Fu Man Chu
    September 5, 2019 at 12:13 am

    Knock it off with the Wonton abuse Mr turtleboy! Chinese food must be lespected!

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      September 5, 2019 at 9:56 am

      With all the wonton abuse it’s no wonder you’ve ended up in the soup.

      • Jack Straw from Wichita
        Shirley Leung
        September 5, 2019 at 5:06 pm

        OK, enough with the “Wonton” comments! You’re triggering me!

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