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Kyle Shockley, the Lowell Gash Mallet, is a well known disgraced and dishonorably discharged former serviceman who lost his marbles along the way. (Someone sent us a video of him getting the shit kicked out of him in a boxing match, but we can’t find it now. Please send again, because it’s so satisfying). We’ve written about him many times, as he follows around the Lowell Police 24/7, harassing them like no one has ever harassed the police before. Most recently he was harassing Lowell cops on a Saturday night in June when he was assaulted on camera and then immediately ran to the police crying about it.
He is the ultimate cop block wannabe who thinks he understands the law, but in reality he’s just an cumrag with an iPhone. Oh, and he promised to sue us last year around this time, but evidently got sidetracked because we never got the paperwork.
Cop block losers are usually hilarious to laugh at. But the gash mallet is just a piece of shit in every sense of the word. He calls cops, “fucking faggots,” and tons of other just over the top offensive shit, because he knows they’re not going to arrest him for it. Basically he intentionally acts in an uncivil manner because he knows we live in a free society where you won’t be arrested for doing that. But it serves absolutely no purpose except to harass people who actually have jobs and pay taxes so that he can be the microdicked bitch that he is.
Anyway, he evidently has diversified his harassment as he recently made his way down to Bridgewater Corrections Center to film some sort of bootleg documentary with his his cop block butt buddy who also filmed him filming the encounter. This time he was confronted by corrections officers who informed him that he was on DOC property and would need to leave. Naturally he refused, necessitating the Bridgewater Police to be called and deal with his bullshit. They clearly had no idea who they were dealing with:
CO: “You understand you’re on correctional facility property right?”
Gash Mallet: “We’re on a sidewalk.”
CO: “This is a correction facility.”
Gash Mallet: “We’re doing a story.”
Well then, why didn’t you just say so Michael Moore? In that case the laws no longer apply to you.
He’s just such a piece of shit. This poor officer couldn’t have been more collegial:
And he says this to her:
“Are we detained? Then go in your fucking vehicle?
Her response was the best:
“Who are you?”
It’s great because she really has no idea who he was. It’s such a sharp contrast from when he confronts Lowell PD. They know EXACTLY who this mother fucker is. There isn’t a cop in Lowell who hasn’t been accosted by this reject who was so useless that Uncle Sam wasn’t even willing to ship him to Afghanistan, lest he become the next Bowe Bergdahl. Every time he confronts a Lowell cop they have this sly little grin like, “Oh geez, I’m about to be on Youtube again.”
The looks on their faces just scream, “Who the hell is this scrotum pole?”
And you thought the assholes on the inside of the jail were bad.
Like I said, the pour cop couldn’t have been nicer to him and he responds by saying this:
“Who are you? What’s your name and badge number? You’re some asshat in a costume.”
Sad thing is that’s really how he views cops. Asshats in a costume. But don’t forget, he runs to them when people assault him. How many times did he ask for the cop’s name and badge number in that video, and every video he’s ever published? You’d think he would know by now that they don’t actually have to give you their badge number. But he has Google so he’s got it all figured out:
“What’s your name and badge number? You have to tell me. Mass general law section Chapter 41 section 98D. It’s called the Constitution. Google shows me.”
Plus he beat a charge:
“I just beat a trespassing charge on state property. I know you have to tell us three times written before we have to leave.”
Translation – I got a CWOF, because no judge in Middlesex County gives a shit enough to actually prosecute someone on a trespassing charge.
The worst part was that he told the CO he would gladly leave if he was escorted off the property,
“Telling you you’re going to escort us and actually saying can you guys please leave now are two totally different things. If you made us leave we would gladly go.”
In other words, he went down there just to be a penis. If they asked him to leave he would stay. If they forced him to leave he would go.
Two months ago I wrote this blog about the gash mallet when a group of vigilantes beat him up in Lowell. At the time I said they shouldn’t have done that. I take that back. He totally deserved it. I wish him nothing but the worst, and can’t wait until he gets his true comeuppance.
Back when Brockton Turtleboy was writing for us he used to do a monthly blog on the Bridgewater PD Twitter account. They have a huge following because they tweet the funniest shit in the straightest and most serious tone possible about hilarious things that people call them for. I’m really looking forward to their tweet about Shockley.
P.S. He’s still welcome to come on Turtleboy Live this week. We will give him a chance to say whatever he wants to say, because fair and balanced is just how we roll at Turtleboy Sports.