All-Star Criminals

Cornbread Coochstain Smashes Into Easthampton K9 Unit During Second DUI, Gets Released On $40 Personal Recognizance, Says He “Wishes A Mother Fucker Would” Underestimate Him

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Check out this situation out of Easthampton….

Forty bucks? That’s all you have to pay for driving shitcocked into a cop car, nearly killing an officer and a K9?? That’s 10 minutes worth of lap dances from Princeza Aponte. The $40 isn’t even for bail, it’s just a fee clerks charge when they have to come in after hours. Oh, and it’s not his first DUI either, so he’s totally not a danger to the community. He seems nice.

Don’t let the homoerotic bathroom selfies fool you – he’s straight hood dog!

He wishes a mother fucker try to shave the collection of dirt and pubes he calls a goatee!!

He also wishes a mother fucker would give him a ride, because bitch boi here has no license. You’d think that if you, a) had no license, and b) were drunk as shit, you would drive a little bit more cautiously.

Too bad, things were really looking up for this cornbread coochstain after he got a job making minimum wage.

He’s a real grease monkey.

Except grease monkeys usually have licenses.

Shockingly he’s a big fan of the n word.

And he’s got nothing but free time on his hands.

In other words, we’ll be seeing him again in the courthouse records soon. Good thing they let him out of jail with no bail. It’s not like he almost killed a police officer and has a past history of drinking and driving either.

Ya know what’s fucked up about this? I just had to pay $50 to renew my license, and this asshole is driving around drunk with no license, nearly kills a cop, and only has to pay $40. This is the state of Massachusetts courts right now. Not to get all political, but there’s one political party in particular that wants to get rid of cash bail and generally make it easier for perps like this to remain free. I know which way I’m voting up and down the ballot on November 6.

22 Comment(s)
  • Deflateddoritodinks
    October 26, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Why can’t my life be this easy? I’d be $13k into some drunk driving lawyer to bribe a judge to get the dui dismissed.

  • jamalshacoggi's severed cock
    October 26, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    fucken faggot should be curb stomped.

  • Yuck
    October 26, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    Look at the cum guzzling queen who thinks he is a fucking hardo. Hopefully, next time he gets caught, he gets an up close and personal experience with police brutality. That is if he can stop begging to give them handies and blowies to let him go.

  • Judge dread
    October 26, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    I bet he bangs 14/15 year olds… those are the only people who are impressed by $10/hr.

    • Everest M
      March 26, 2020 at 3:26 pm

      That’s the things the thing, he actually is a pedophile. I personally know of a 15 year old girl that he took advantage of. I want this fucker to suffer more than anything.

  • Michael Hunt
    Mike Hunt
    October 26, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    I appricatited the work you did on this blog.

  • Dr. Spaceman
    October 26, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    If he’s acting like this now then he’s going to be a handful once he hits puberty.

  • Ebenezer Screw
    October 26, 2018 at 12:53 pm

    I’m sure he does wish a motherfucker would underestimate him…so he can blow said motherfucker to show just what he can do.

  • Meals On Wheels
    October 26, 2018 at 12:18 pm

    Someone need a sammich around here?

  • Looser
    October 26, 2018 at 12:01 pm

    Hey turtle boy. Cheesburger Chuck now has a gfm for the cat scam and a po for donations. Check it out. Its in the comments sections of that blog.
    I hope this POS has to pay for the cruiser repairs with the whole $10/hr he makes. At his age I had a brand new car, truck and house. But at least he isn’t sucking off us working people.

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    October 26, 2018 at 11:43 am

    He is a little douchebag, but if he’s been working for the last 18 months he’s salvageable. He just needs to get his ass kicked once and know it will keep happening if he doesn’t wise the fuck up.

  • Y
    October 26, 2018 at 11:28 am


    • panzer9811
      October 26, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Oh. My. God. What a bitch.
      Love the pink panties by the way.
      Thanks for the laugh, Y.

  • Emily
    October 26, 2018 at 11:05 am

    I read the court actions in the Telegram often. I have said it myself…people driving with no license ..suspended license..drunk..on drugs etc and the charges are dropped or ammended. REALLY!! I pay $1000- a year for car insurance. Then there’s the excise tax bill. Car repairs, gas etc and these ASSHOLES are released for $40-!!!!!! Why in the name of all that is holy am I even paying for car insurance. Why not forget about renewing my license. Inspection sticker. etc…those of us that are paying taxes are the ones paying for all these ASSHOLES and they are getting out of all the crap they do with a slap on the wrist. ENOUGH ALREADY…E N O U G H ! ! !

    • TypicalWhiteGirl
      October 26, 2018 at 11:12 am

      You just don’t realize how privileged you are to be able to afford all those things.

    • Charlie Baker
      October 26, 2018 at 12:16 pm

      Welcome to Massachusetts Emily! Please acknowledge your privilege and call the Department Of Revenue and provide us with your bank account number, credit card info, and next born child. If you’re lucky, we will let you keep 0.4% of your paycheck. It’s for the childruns. Vote Democrat!

    • Deflateddoritodinks
      October 26, 2018 at 9:51 pm

      A friend of mine is a permanent resident. I asked her when she was going to get citizenship, and she just laughed and said “are you kidding me?”

    • the payer in chief
      October 28, 2018 at 8:22 am

      Because some of us are supposed to pay for those things, so gutter water drinking scum suckers like this don’t have to pay. It’s the way of the world now. Blame the Democrats for all this shit!

  • Too many ads
    October 26, 2018 at 10:56 am

    1st off, I feel as if I have been scrolling through ads for a half hour just to comment. I love turtle boy and all but this is to much.Now onto why I scrolled to comment:
    He almost killed 3 officers not 1!!

    • Emily
      October 26, 2018 at 11:09 am

      AGREE way too many adds! Scrolling way to long. The courts need to start standing behind all our Officers..K9 included . Makes my blood boil reading this crap. Little punk is all he is

      • coldwrld2k18
        October 26, 2018 at 3:42 pm


        youll get no ad revenue from me turtleboy go suck ya mother.

      • panzer9811
        October 26, 2018 at 4:40 pm

        He should have his underestimated ass kicked just for injuring Gino
        . A public stoning would satisfy me as punishment for injuring officers Beaulieu and Moskal.
        God bless the three of them. I thank them for their service.

        O-O-O-O’Riley Auto Parts and Impressive Manufacturing should both FIRE this degenerate piece of detritus as he is now a stain on their status as respectable companies.

        Then just send him to Panzer for attitude adjustment 101.

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