All-Star Criminals

Daddy Dumpsterfire Who Made Daughter Crawl Into Prize Machine And Steal Games Is A Teacher In Andover And If Shelley Berman Gets To Keep His Job Then So Should Daddy Dumpsterfire

Follow @Nunchuck_Ninja on Twitter by clicking here.

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Terrence Collie to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hey fam – if you’d like to support Turtleboy and what we do here, feel free to hit the donate button at the top. We basically have to run this site like a Bernie Sanders campaign now since we’ve been blacklisted by Google and Facebook, due to the fact that rabid SJWs keep reporting our posts. Getting blacklisted by Google is a death sentence for most websites, since it’s much harder to monetize. And we all know the damage Facebook has done. We’re never going to stop fighting for free speech, but in the meantime the best way for turtle riders to fight back is to donate to the cause. Without you people none of this is possible. We love you all. 


The other day we published this blog about Daddy Dumpsterfire who forced his daughter to jump into a prize machine at the Rockingham Mall in Salem, NH, in order to steal Nintendo games, and she almost got stuck inside.

It was fucked up for a few reasons. Not only was it dangerous, but he was basically teaching his kids that you win prizes by cheating. Because his son clearly thought he had won a prize when his sister fired two games out of that hole.

My money was on him being some sort of Manchester SSI Queen. But in a shocking turn of events Daddy Dumpsterfire turned out to be a Middle School teacher in Andover when he surrendered himself to police today:

His name is Tony Helinski, and he teaches science at Doherty Middle School. And yes, here we are exposing another asshole in the Andover Public Schools. This is a town that gave corrupt superintendent Shelley Berman a raise after it was exposed that he had wasted taxpayer resources on a DCF witch hunt to attack a hockey coach who had benched his sucky son Dale. The same town where this guy is still employed as a teacher at the high school, even after telling students whose parents voted for Trump that he is ashamed of them:

So yea, the fact that this same town employs a deviant who forces his kids to steal games in the middle of a public mall is the least surprising news ever. He appears to run the robotics club too, which you can see when you search for his name on the Google machine:

He’s a real charmer:

Honestly, I don’t think he should be fired. If Shelley Berman gets to keep his job, and that piece of shit who crapped on kids for who they voted for gets to keep his job, then why shouldn’t Daddy Dumpsterfire get to keep his job? Yea, it’s a trashy and terrible thing to do. But the superintendent screwed over a bunch of innocent hockey players and their devoted coach. The teacher literally told children that he is ashamed of them. If this guy gets canned he should just say he was doing it as some sort of secret op for the “resistance.” He’d probably get a raise in Andover.

12 Comment(s)
  • The Constable of Barnstable
    September 20, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    He should surf naked, as his shirt suggests. In Cape Cod, preferably near seals.

  • Rockets Redglare
    September 20, 2018 at 8:43 am

    But he has nice moobs….

  • Wwy
    September 20, 2018 at 1:31 am

    Zyclon b heads are special in jewmerica.

    • gtfo
      September 20, 2018 at 5:37 am

      Zyclon B head? Is that like a gas head?

  • Walter "Sometimes I get Horny" Bird
    September 19, 2018 at 11:32 pm

    Mr. Pellerin is one racist asshole. He brags about being a Democrat knowing their history and the state of the modern day plantation. He knows full well that Trump received awards with Rosa Parks and Mohammad Ali for his help combating racism. So that not only makes him a racist asshole but a liar. I hope he gets fired. I don’t want him near impressionable minds.

  • good moe
    September 19, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    good for this guy….isnt this what the little people are made for? not news at all….move on

  • Sloppy
    September 19, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    I used to be a teacher in Massachusetts. It was a fun job, but it paid fuck-all. I quit before I had my first kid. Otherwise, I might be shoving Junior inside a jukebox to fetch the quarters, too.

    “Oh, it must be nice to have summers off…”
    I heard that one time too many when another guy on my house painting crew said it to me in some asshole’s backyard while I was up above him on a ladder in July painting a dormer. I almost threw my 5-in-1 tool at his head like a tomahawk.

    Now I do the corporate gig. Big multinational company, tech shit; I can work from my house. I travel a bit, but the money’s good.
    If I was still a teacher, who knows- I might be sucking some other dude’s dick right now next to a dumpster behind a Burger King for $40 bucks so I could pay my daycare bill. Might even find myself the subject of one of these here Turtleblogs for it.

    • backside
      September 19, 2018 at 11:12 pm

      and now we are going to call out every ass that has ever lost money in one of these f-ing “claw” games… one ever wins……good for him!!!! The “claw” manufactures have been cleaning us out long enough.

    • Not all heroes wear capes
      September 20, 2018 at 9:01 am

      It was a fun job, but it paid fuck-all.

      180 day work year.
      Retirement benefits virtually unavailable in the private sector.
      Cry me a river.

  • Crispy C
    September 19, 2018 at 10:07 pm

    My God I just wasted 15 minutes reading that whiny email from that canary cunt ass-catcus vagina of a fucking teacher. One can only hope someone from MS-13 finds him in a dark alley (probably still sobbing like a bitch about Hilary’s loss).

    • CrispyC
      September 19, 2018 at 10:10 pm

      I don’t even care about the guy putting his kid in the mall vending machine after reading that poor bitch’s email from election night.

      Also, how fucking dumb were you if you went to bed at 10 pm thinking you would wake up to clips of Hilary’s acceptance speech. It was basically a million to one shot she was going to be elected by that point.

      • Field marshal mouth breather von runstedt
        September 19, 2018 at 10:21 pm

        Eeb a dooba dabba dooba hilary. Eeb a deeba yay trump.

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?