• Follow Turtleboy on Facebook

  • Deep Fried Worcester Junior Hoodrats Smashing Bike Sharing OFO Bikes With Rocks And Destroying Them All Over The City Is Why Worcester Can’t Have Nice Things

    Deep Fried Worcester Junior Hoodrats Smashing Bike Sharing OFO Bikes With Rocks And Destroying Them All Over The City Is Why Worcester Can’t Have Nice Things

    Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM





    A couple months back Worcester’s leaders, which have been trying to convince us that Worcester is “on the rise” did a big press conference announcing that OFO bike sharing was putting 200 of their bikes in Worcester. It was a great photo op for overpaid boobs with nothing to do like Ed Augustus and former Lt. Governor Tim Murray, who now gets paid $250,000 to head the Worcester Chamber of Commerce. They all rode around on the yellow bikes in their suits and pretended that Worcester was becoming some sort of yuppie, gentrified metropolis where bikes like this would be in demand:

    And of course it would’t be complete without a ribbon cutting:

    Because these people’s entire existence revolves around cutting ribbons.

    The idea is simple – you download the ofo app to find and rent a bike closest to you. You get a code that you scan next to the bike’s GPS and get on and go. It costs $1 an hour, or 50 cents for college students. You then drop the bike off wherever you feel like it, since there are no docking stations, and they stop charging you. You can’t steal the bikes because they’re locked without the app, and they have GPS so they can be tracked down.

    On paper it makes perfect sense. OFO bikes have been successful in other places. They currently can be found in 46 cities across the world, most of which are in China where everyone rides bikes. However, in America they can only be found in three cities – Seattle, San Francisco, and Worcester. Guess which one of those three is not like the rest?

    Seattle is one of the cleanest cities in the country, filled with soy eating eco-warriors and twenty something hipsters equipped with iPhones and Daddy’s money. San Francisco is the same thing with more hills.

    Worcester is Worcester. We’re not talking about Seattle or San Fran, or some actual city where people want to visit and see the sites. We talking bout Worcester here. The Woo. It’s filled to the brim with panhandlers, hoodrats, ratchets, and junk nuggets. Anyone with a brain knew what a disaster this would ultimately be. Sure, it wasn’t gonna cost the city anything, but if you thought for one second this would actually work out you were not living in the same city as the rest of us.

    But since Ed Augustus lives in Millis, he was naive enough to believe that it was all part of his master plan to turn Worcester into an “innovative” (new buzzword) emerald city:

    Augustus said having an easy-to-use modern bike-sharing system in Worcester will help build the city’s reputation for innovation. 

    “What kind of people do we want to attract to this city and retain in this city? People who know that this is a city that is open to new ideas, that we’re constantly reinventing ourselves and positioning ourselves for the future,” Augustus said. 

    “What kind of people do we want to retain and attract to the city?” he asks. Well, this is what you’re gonna find behind City Hall where this photo op took place:





    This is the crowd he thinks is going to make Worcester the economic hub of New England. The 1 PM junkbox patrol anxiously awaiting Diego’s new package. Lots of people from outside Worcester are saying to themselves, “I wasn’t gonna move Worcester before because of all the crime, filth, and junkies, but now that they got those bikes, I’m sold!!”

    Well, let’s see what this program looks like in action after a few weeks:

    Oh look, junkies are taking them apart for the parts. Or just fort he fuck of it:

    People are finding them in their yards:

    And here’s some rolly-poly Latarian Milton-looking kid doing what most Worcester junior hoordats do in their free time – smashing an ofo bike with a rock:

    Gee whiz, never saw that one coming.

    Oh wait, yes we did. But that’s just because Turtleboy grew up in Worcester. We understand the people here. They are what they are. And they can’t have nice things. They just don’t know what to do with something nice because their entire lives have revolved around living in shit and squalor. They will literally ruin everything they touch because it’s the only thing they know how to do. It’s why it’s pointless to try to make downtown Worcester look like downtown Seattle.

    The best part was the legal experts commenting on it…..


    She used “per se” so obviously she knows what she’s talking about. Everyone knows that you have to let people in public smashing bikes know that you are recording them. Just like all those police brutality videos. The people filming the cops always let them know beforehand that they’re being record. Plus, you can tell that Julie and Kris-Ellen are legal experts because of their Facebook filters:

    Other people are noticing:

    And there’s a 0.0% chance these junior hoodrats are actually downloading the app and paying to use these bikes with a credit card. I have no idea how they’re doing it, but they’re Worcester kids. And Worcester kids ALWAYS have some sort of scheme going on. It’s how you survive growing up in Worcester. Ratchet kids raised by ratchet adults do ratchet things.

    The crowd that was intended to use these bikes can’t find them now as a result:

    Surely ofo, which is an extremely successful company, had to have known that Worcester was not a fit for this. So why the hell would they choose to come here? Well, because the Chamber of Commerce “cooperated” with them:

    Grace Lin, the head of ofo’s U.S. branch, said the decision to include Worcester in their U.S. launch and make it one of the first launching cities was a result of the Worcester Regional Chamber of Commerce’s dedication to getting a bike-share program in the city. 

    “I have to admit, the most important factor for us to put Worcester on the first cities list was the warm attitude from the chamber, because they really cooperated with us a lot,” Lin said in an interview. 

    Translation – someone got paid. And Tim Murray has to justify the quarter of a million dollars he gets paid every single year. He has to show the general public that he’s not just some empty suit doing nothing all day. He’s coming up with ideas.

    And now that we have bikes, the next logical step is to bring Amazon here:

    How naive and braindead do you have to be in order to believe that Amazon has any sort of interest in opening up in Worcester? First of all, it’s hilarious what Amazon is doing. They’re basically whoring themselves out to cities across the country to see who will give them the biggest tax break in order to set up shop there. Can’t believe more companies don’t do this. Cities are literally lining up to tax them the least amount they can because they’re so desperate to act like they’re a “city on the move.”

    But of course the problem is that Amazon has to be close to an international airport. Ya know, because their entire business model revolves around shipping crap you order to your house. And Worcester airport flies to Florida and….Florida:

    So as long as the only people using Amazon live in Orlando, Worcester would be an ideal place for Amazon.

    Here’s the worst kept secret in town right now – this was just an experiment:

    “Seattle has half a million, Worcester is another size that we’re very interested in trying to serve,” Lin said. “We haven’t launched in a city of this size, but we wouldn’t say it’s an experiment, it’s something that we want to do a lot in the future.”

    They wanna see if their business model can work in a shitty, mid-sized American city. That’s why they’re doing it in Revere now too:

    Obviously it will fail there, just like it has here. And the Chinese have learned a very valuable lesson about hoodrat culture in America.

    Anyway, it’s just more glitz and glamour bullshit that the political establishment, AKA the McGovern Crime Family, uses to convince their idiot supporters that they’re turning Worcester in to some magical place to live. You can either value these kind of politicians, or the pragmatic ones like Michael Gaffney, Konnie Lukes, Coreen Gaffney, Davis Asare, Gary Rosen, and Paul Franco. These are the people who aren’t showing up to ribbon cutting bullshit because their vision for the city is what people actually want – lower property tax rates, less wasteful spending on bullshit non-profits, better city services, and walkable sidewalks with parks that are actually cleaned and maintained. This is why it’s important to vote the Turtleboy Ticket in November:

    Mayor: Konnie Lukes

    District 4: Coreen Gaffney

    District 5: Paul Franco

    At large Councilors: Konnie Lukes, Mike Gaffney, Gary Rosen


    We urge you to support the following local businesses. They provide terrific services for the community!

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

    Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


    unnamed (1)


    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)




    Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

    Join the Discussion

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


    1. mitch

      free bikes in revere….. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

      1. mitch

        oh sorry, i thought you said revere, that’s fucking hilarious!!

      2. Pepe

        Ummm those stupid yellow girls bikes are not “nice things”.

        1. Bill W

          The list of what we want from our pols starts and ends with Public Safety. Who care about the fn sidewalks when theres 6 dealerson every street?

    2. Ya boy

      Who ever writes for this site is an idiot. Stop reading this crap.

      1. Stewie

        Ya boyTimmy, then why are you here?

      2. mitch

        so what you’re REALLY saying is look the other way and shut up, right ya boy??? actually our junior hoodrat is doing the community a great service. with his natural tendency to destroy things that don’t belong to him he is also destroying the democrat/marxist utopian social engineering project to take private transportation away from the working class. the idea is to force all vehicles be powered by electricity(impractical & 3x price), restrict free parking everywhere(environmental)increase all transportation taxes and tolls and accept bicycles with gps so citizens can be tracked everywhere they go. the democrats are now completely evil marxists who want to completely destroy the working class. don’t believe me? ask them, they no longer hide it. hopefully the kids will destroy every bike they can get their hands on.

    3. FatFingr Lou

      Say it right ..Re-VE-UH…

      Squire’s and Kelly’s..serving roast beef

    4. Sloppy

      Go on Youtube and look up “Bait bike”. You shall not be disappointed. I think there should be a few episodes shot in Worcester.

    5. Sprocket

      Bicycles being stolen in the Woo? That’s unheard of!

    6. Stud McMuffin

      In fairness Worcester is a pit anyway and has no nice things

    7. karl atkins

      I get the point your trying to make but Seattle isn’t some shining city on a hill, if you’ve ever been to the north west you would know that being homeless in a national past time there. And I hate to break it to you but San Fran can be a really shitty area too, you know its right across the bay from Oakland?

      1. Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies

        San Fran and Seattle are full of pretentious hipsters and moonbat SJWs. I’d take Worcester’s pan handlers and crack heads over that any day.

    8. LT. Snozzle

      Why rent when you can buy? The Lynn flea market probably has tons of them in any color spray paint comes in.

    9. aDdm

      I had a feeling the bike sharing system would be in danger of crashing and burning. I remember seeing dozens of them around Worcester Common when they first arrived. Now I rarely ever see any of those bikes parked anywhere. It’s pretty obvious people either stripped them for parts or learned how to disable the locking mechanism to use them to their heart’s content. I’ll be curious to learn what kind of profits Ofo makes from this city alone in the near future; and how long it will be until they close up and leave?
      What I’d also like to is why Worcester and not Boston, LA, NYC, or any other larger American city this new service hasn’t established itself in?

      1. mitch

        the idea has been around for a few years and has been installed in many cities, but when they’re installed in san fran, boston, austin etc., that’s just preaching to the choir. the real proletariat are in revere and the woo, lynn, etc. it is the white working class that must be destroyed. you don’t understand the leftist mentality aDdm. you don’t understand how much they hate you and truly want to destroy or ban ANYTHING that is helpful or that you enjoy. ALL of their ideas and projects start small and often sound reasonable. in reality their ideas are INSIDIOUS and highly DESTRUCTIVE, just like our little bike project. oh, and mark my words….. after the majority of the bikes are gone and the project is a public joke the leftists will double down….lane closures on your busiest streets, raising vehicle and license taxes, etc. the bikes are just a precept.

    10. Publius

      The real Worcester kids grew up and got out except for a few of us. The hood takeover of Hamilton, Burncoat, spreading the filth that used to be confined to GBV and Main South. Now June St invaded.

    11. Barry

      That fatass kid did get some much needed exercise with the bike just not the way he was expected to

    12. tonguepunchmyfartbox

      LOL first play the video of those slobs riding around in suits, then scroll down quick and watch the fat little turd hammering the bike with a rock with the soft jazz playing its GOLD!

    13. Justice

      Oh my God….I KNEWWWWWWWW something like this was going to happen as soon as I heard about this program. I knew ghetto Worcester would ruin it for everybody else. You are right, TB…Worcester CANNOT have nice things because Worcester is LOADED with shitbags.

    14. The Vorlon

      If “Crash” Murray is on a bike, rock cliffs are safe.

    15. Jerome

      Would have bet the house on the outcome. Do they trash them on the main south bike path too.

    16. Steven Stover

      I snapped a photo of the Turtleboy ticket to take to the voting booth. I love bugging their commie asses.

    17. #spankyourlocalhoodrat

      Those little hoodboogers figured out how to hammer off the gps and lock, I’d say about 200-250 kids thought it was Christmas the day they found a bunch of bike laying around. Why are these parents turning these kids in for stealing? I’m a mother of 6, if one of my heathens were to do this they’d be sitting in a cell. Wtf is wrong with people?

    18. reuehsgs

      Worcester is such a shit hole. The good parts can’t compete.

    19. wabbitt

      Yellow is suddenly a very popular bike color in Main South and Plumley Village. Funny how that works.

      Worcester and Revere… LOL Where next? Webster, Lawrence, and Fitchburg?

    20. Stunt Penis

      I cannot imagine this ride sharing system working in any inner-city in America, let alone Wooostah. Maybe in some trendy sight-seeing communities, such as Block Island.

      It looks like the gps locking mechanism is attached to the rear wheel. I imagine a couple of wrenches/sockets, or worst case a sawzall, will “disable” that pretty quick.

    21. Realist

      The TB ticket? Seems to have changed a bit as of late due to gutless candidates!

      1. Publius

        Gaffney will be one of top vote getters with or without TB.

    22. Mike

      That’s hysterical! You can see that the GPS/locking system is attached to rear wheel (the people finding them in their yards picture already has the mechanism removed). That fat kid was probably trying to caveman the device off, hahaha.

      If security is so easily disabled, and law enforcement have higher priorities than chasing down stolen rental bikes, this is the result. At least the company gathered some valuable market research.

      What’s funny is that once these bikes start becoming common in nicer (White/Asian) communities, the alagation of Racism, discrimination and racial profiling (not all blacks steal and destroy bikes) will be hurled at this Chinese based company. I suppose that’s just the cost of doing business in America.

    23. They call me Ponch

      What happens in the fucking winter?

    24. hahahaohreally

      Julie works at Michael’s so I really don’t know why you doubt her legal expertise! You know that all legal experts work at Michael’s seeing overpriced art supplies instead of in a law firm! Jesus!! get yo Fax straight TB!!

    25. Sonny's Mom

      Oh right, “the warm attitude from the chamber, because they really cooperated with us a lot.” But nothing– absolutely NOTHING– happens in China without Chinese Communist Party involvement. I would immediately be suspicious of any “Beijing-based” ANYTHING.

      Especially a so-called business deal that claims to be “free to the city of Worcester”. WTF does THAT mean? Remember, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Chinese government officials aren’t stupid. What do THEY get out of this deal?

    26. Jobama

      I hear that the total vandalized Wormtown bikes is under 3% of the 200 bikes and that Ofo plans to double the fleet to 400. Where’s your follow up on that?

    27. […] and then contrast it with the propaganda video that Fast Eddie Augustus and the McGovern Crime Family put out when the OSO bikes were first introduced to Worcester: […]

  • Heidi Wellman For Senate

  • arrow