• Follow Turtleboy on Facebook

  • Desk Girl Takes Brunt Of Militant SJW Who Threatens Massive Lawsuit, Arrest By Maura Healy Herself If We Don’t Take Down Blog About Uxbridge SJW Friend

    Desk Girl Takes Brunt Of Militant SJW Who Threatens Massive Lawsuit, Arrest By Maura Healy Herself If We Don’t Take Down Blog About Uxbridge SJW Friend

    Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.





    Earlier today we published this blog about some local SJW from Uxbridge who decided to attack a couple local businesses for having signs that read “locally owned and operated.” Because it’s apparently racist now to have pride in owning a local small business. Real life.

    Anyway, we were done with the story, but a great way to keep your name around is to have someone message us on your behalf, with hilarious threats like this:

    You know they’re serious when they, 1) have a link, and 2) have a deadline to meet their demands. This could be it turtle riders. By 9 AM tomorrow expect the site to be down for good as SSTG, MVTB, Intern Turtle, Doctor Turtle, Turtleboy Jr., J-Dubz, NSTB, RITS, Uncle Turtleboy, and the rest of the Turtleboy clan will all be in handcuffs, thanks to his genius:

    She’s resisting!! Things are about to get serious. VERY serious!!

    See, we thought we knew the law and the constitution pretty well. We thought it was our right to criticize people who attack small businesses and intentionally try to divide Americans along racial lines. Little did we know there are anti-bullying laws on the books that prevent us from doing so. Foiled again!!

    Nevertheless she persisted:

    Uhoh, she’s not just filing a complaint. She’s filing a FORMAL complaint. It’s gonna be notarized and everything. By 9:05 tomorrow Maura Healy is gonna have it on her desk and her minions will be going town to town tossing Turtleboys in the paddywagon.

    Ohhhh, I like choices!!

    Sure, we could explain to this woman how dumb she is for believing that we would ever be held criminally responsible for “inciting hate, toward stalking, toward assault, battery or worse,” but it’s better to just mock her and let her do her thing:

    After that it was time to call in the reinforcements. The one, the only, Desk Girl:

    You heard the woman Deskie – call the lawyer!! Paging Attorney Richard N. Vulva!!

    After a while Deskie started doing what she normally does with winners like this – going off on tangents about her stench trench and explaining her background story to people who didn’t ask about it:

    She likes a challenge Deskie!! Challenge her to a wing eating contest. Or better yet – a dump off. Where you both take a huge dump and see whose dump is bigger. You’d destroy her girl!!

    But Deskie didn’t do that. Instead she did what she always does – start talking about her bowel movements and dark cave:

    Predictably this legal scholar has some strong words for the Neo Nazies and the alt right from her Facebook page:

    Hey lady, it’s hard to lecture Neo Nazis when you kind of look like one.

    Just sayin.

    Hey Mary what’s your background anyway? Where’d you go to law school?

    Oh, she went to Theology school. She’s a pastor!! Because what SJW isn’t a pastor these days? Obviously Perry Mason here has us in checkmate. It was a great run, but every turtle ride comes to an end. We’ve met our match. Turtleboy is officially finished as of 9 AM tomorrow.



    We urge you to support the following local businesses. They provide terrific services for the community!

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

    Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


    unnamed (1)


    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)



    Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM













    Join the Discussion

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


    1. Transplant

      Damn, that’s an ugly woman. I think.

      I mean, I think it’s a woman.

    2. Sloppy

      Some dude is married to that thing? I bet he drives a Prius with NPR stickers on it.

      1. Stunt Penis

        I’m willing to place good money on her “husband” having 2 X chromosomes.

      2. Mary Putnam

        I also wears a strap on

    3. Dire

      It is dire.

    4. Good Grief

      I don’t know what’s worse sometimes; I hate anyone who believes in
      Neo-Nazism/supremacy of any race, because thinking that way is truly evil, yet
      these SJWs think anyone who disagrees with them on anything is one. Maybe
      both sides really are to blame.

    5. livesinlowell

      RIP Turtleboy. 🙁

      I’ll miss you the most!

    6. Barry

      With friends like this Michelle probably doesn’t need the pet dog and jar of peanut butter.

    7. Patti Gucci

      “I wouldn’t fuck her with Kaitlyn Jenner dick!” – Chaz Bono

    8. whatevuh

      hang on a minute, that’s a female? and someone married it?

    9. Steven Stover

      She is gonna call the cops at 9:05? But in her world they will send out a bunch of racist white cops who will shoot black men on sight.

    10. Dick Hertz from Holden

      Why are lesbians always so angry?

    11. Yankees suck

      Dear god, she looks like a burn victim. I can’t believe a man married that blotchy faced dike.

    12. Stunt Penis

      Only 58 minutes left before TB is shut down for good my Maura!

    13. Independent Thinker

      Nothing worse than a girl with a crew cut.

      Just keep on calling everyone who doesn’t agree with you a Nazi. All you are doing is recruiting more people for the white supremacist clan. Keep on telling more and more young people that they benefit from white privilege and you will see them turn even further against you.

    14. Wtf

      If I were going to threaten and scold people I would have correct spelling, grammar and facts. This would make a person at least sound slightly more intellectual, and the put spellcheck there to be used. Dumbass !!

    15. Dave

      I think you should do a story about Joe Putnam. That “man” must have some serious issues. Am I going to get shut down too for saying that?

      1. bigdaddy

        Joe is what she calls her vibrator

    16. Stunt Penis

      It’s 9:30am and the blog is still up!

      Another attempted shutdown blocked by Attorney Richard N. Vulva, Esquire!

      PS: Mary Putnam: I’m laughing at your superior intellect.

    17. livesinlowell

      Past 9:05, site is still up, that SJW’s article is still there. Mary sounded convincing too, oops. Healey is probably still in bed or enjoying leisurely breakfast before heading into the office.

    18. Lou P

      Mary still works at the EPA in Boston and is part of the “resistance”.

      President Trump hasn’t fired her yet?

      As of now, she should be terminated because she has publicly demonstrated her stupidity on social media.

    19. Jake

      Has to be transitioning. To and from something ?

      1. bigdaddy

        transitioning from an asshole to an even bigger asshole

    20. Dyke Tracy

      This SJW needs to do stand-up. Her routine is simply hilarious. I would giggle my ass off before hurling the rotten tomatoes.

    21. Mr. T

      I think she went to an Anti-Christ theology school. That sure looks like an upside down cross she is wearing around her neck.

      1. KJDS

        That’s actually St. Brigid’s cross.

        Which is unfortunate, because I’ve always liked it. Too bad this creature is wearing it.

    22. JoeMomma

      Support Suffolk University……

      Because stupid people need degree’s too

    23. livesinlowell

      WHY IS THE WEBSITE STILL ACTIVE!!!?? Mary promised us it would be shut down 5 hours ago. She’s such a liar liar pants on fire.

    24. Bertha Von Nation

      She looks like she’s had more than 3 abortions, and is ready to tell you about all of them, proudly!

    25. Former City Worker

      I have no idea why, but the line “It will be dire” made me laugh. I have a staff meeting tomorrow, and I don’t know how, but I will SOMEHOW incorporate “It will be dire” into the meeting and try and keep a straight face.

    26. Anal Cunt

      I wonder if they’re related the Seth Putnam who was from Allston. He was known as the heroin addicted lead vocalists of noise metal band “Anal Cunt” and “Vaginal Jesus”. It would be hilarious is she was connected to him.

      1. DJ Trump

        if theres a god in heaven please let him be her husband

        1. Anal Cunt

          well you are in luck DJ cause I did a little research. Here is from his obituary in Attleboro where she lives. Putnam, Seth E.. Of Attleboro, formerly of Newton, suddenly, June 11, 2011. Beloved husband of Julie J. (Wains) Putnam. Devoted son of Barbara A. Donohue of Newton and Edward R. Putnam of Brighton. Dear brother of Kerin M. Putnam and his wife Jayme of Manchester, NH and Leigh A. Putnam of Newton. Loving uncle of Spencer M. Putnam. Also survived by aunts, uncles, cousins and friends near and far. Visiting hours will be held in the Burke & Blackington Funeral Home 1479 Washington St., (Rte. 16) West Newton, Thursday evening from 4:00 – 8:00 PM. Funeral services will be private at the request of the family.

    27. Maggie the Cat

      Mary Dever Putnam is a delusional individual. “Her” appearance tells me she’s on her way to melanoma on top of all that. WEAR A HAT, MARY! And use sunscreen.

      Also: is her failure to shut down TB a “breach of contract”? TB should sue her for that.

  • Heidi Wellman For Senate

  • arrow