Desk Girl Thwarted Off Brilliantly Written Internet Lawsuits From The Winchester NH Swamp Donkey Who Was Arrested At The Camper Fire

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So every day our inbox is filled with hot takes from people we’ve written about. So that’s why we’ve got desk girl on staff to try to thwart off these geniuses and help us avoid Internet lawsuits. The latest such exchange happened yesterday after we wrote about this genius who thought it would be wise to to get arrested and then resist arrest at a Winchester, NH camper fire. And while he was resisting arrest, all the baby mommas and second cousins were yelling at the police about brutality and blah, blah, blah.

This did NOT go over well with the perp – Kristopher Kristolaitis:

It never ceases to amaze me how some people can live for so long in a society where reading and writing is pretty vital towards survival. I mean, how do they read the menu when they go out to Denny’s?

We’ve been called a lot of things before, but a “fucking fat pies of shit” is a new one. Although I’m willing to bet that on Thanksgiving that Kristopher has more than one piece of shit pie for dessert.

We really need to give desk girl a raise. But until then she’ll have to accept her compensation of beer and t-shirts.

I feel like I’m reading Flowers for Algernon as this conversation goes alone. At first he couldn’t spell simple words like “want” and “take.” Now all of a sudden he can spell words with silent letters such as “answer” and “question.” Desk girl is making him smarter just by conversing with him.

Ahhh yes, the “Turtleboy is a sex offender” schtick. Almost as original as the “I’m calling Attorney Dick N. Vulva” routine.

“It’s on the internet.” Therefore it must be true. There are people who actually believe this. They can vote. Murica.

One minute she’s being probed at the gyno. The next minute she’s our buffer zone from Internet lawsuits. It ain’t easy being desk girl.

Wonder if Kristopher is friends with this equally brilliant Winchesterite:

There’s at least a 60% they’re related.

Oh, and by the way – the fire they were at was fucking INSANE!! There’s a special surprise at the 1:26 mark:

Winchester is officially the Colrain of New Hampshire.

P.S. To the nice people from Winchester who messaged us and told us that not everyone from Winchester is as moronic as these geniuses. We know. It’s just a thing we do where we crap on random towns based on the worst representation we can find. Nothing personal. Everyone enjoys a good laugh from time to time.

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