All-Star Criminals

Does Anyone Know Who The McDouchebag Is Who Stole An Elderly Woman’s Wallet And Used Her Card At A Plymouth McDonald’s?

The Fairhaven Police are looking to identify this human douchenozzle who stole an elderly lady’s wallet from her shopping cart at the local Walmart. Per their Facebook:


Sweet Honda Element you got there, bro. Your mom let you borrow it to go rob elderly ladies and then treat yourself to a 10 piece McNugget and some fentanyl? Someone has got to know who this winner is, I’m dying to see exactly what kind of human being goes out to rob little old ladies at Walmart. Judging from his gaunt and sallow facial features, I’m sure he’s going to place the blame squarely on the “disease”.


You know, the disease that forces you to go out and rip off someone’s Grandma near the Great Value brand canned peas – that disease. If you know who this chodestuffer is, please slide up into our DMs. He definitely deserves a McShaming.



19 Comment(s)
  • White Trash
    January 8, 2020 at 12:18 pm

    Hopefully he got the 2 for $5 as the elderly woman is on a fixed income.

  • faggot detector
    January 8, 2020 at 7:58 am

    His name is Asheen Phansey

  • No mercy, none.
    January 8, 2020 at 4:06 am

    How much do you want to bet he spends a lot of time east of the canal?
    I very much want to curb stomp this one. Kids and the elderly being victimized is a trigger for me. A real trigger, not some feigned reaction. The disease is no excuse.
    I hope the old lady is able to deal with this.

    People need to protect themselves from these scum.
    Ladies, when you go to the store, just take your wallet, not the whole purse. Keep it on your person, never in the cart.

  • Junkies against plastic straw ban
    January 7, 2020 at 10:02 pm

    Stealing from the elderly is about as low as it gets.
    Someone please give him a mattapan tune up.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    January 7, 2020 at 8:34 pm

    Give this young man a break! He was just borrowing her card to get a hamburger! He was starving! He was going to return it to and thank her but the jackbooted Fairhaven cops have scared him into hiding!

  • Judge dread
    January 7, 2020 at 7:17 pm

    Before my city was a sanc city. The sidewalks were clean.

    Now there’s dogshit all over the streets. Diversity for the win?

    • Spic Tormentor
      January 7, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      I hate to break it to you but that’s probably human shit

    • Spic Tormentor
      January 7, 2020 at 8:27 pm

      The used needles are from the dogs

  • Spic Tormentor
    January 7, 2020 at 6:28 pm

    Don’t be fooled people
    That is a light skinned spic.
    You can tell by his dead black pupils

    I would check the security tapes at the nearest aéropostal for more angles of this goya gulper

  • Clifton P. W. Hornswaggle, Englishman
    January 7, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    Looks like a dirty bog Irishman.

    • Silencio O'Dogood
      January 9, 2020 at 12:44 am

      Fuck you, and your mother, again.

  • Free food for junkies
    January 7, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    If the police monitor the local fast food outlets and Fairhaven Methadone Miles, it should take little time to find this cowboy. If that doesn’t work, the police might submit his photo to the presumably many facial recognition outsets they (secretly) know of to get him. Further, maybe check the cellphone records of the nearby cellphone towers for all of the persons who were at the McDonalds in question when he was there — a quick process of elimination. Last, maybe offer free McNuggets to the first person to turn the guy in. He has a face one would not forget easily and the pictures are clear. He has no chance against a reward of free McNuggets (he might even turn himself in to claim them).

    • Correx
      January 7, 2020 at 3:34 pm

      *facial recognition outlets

  • hartf811
    dirty bastards
    January 7, 2020 at 3:03 pm

    Free fentanyl for all. Ban Narcan. Fire up the crematoriums. Scrape this used gum off the shoes of society.

  • ChipChipperson
    January 7, 2020 at 2:54 pm

    Close your mouth, hungry retard

  • Dumb ass mugger
    January 7, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Someone shoulda told him to smile, he’s soon to be turtle famous. What a dink.

  • Michael S Goodman
    January 7, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    He does look like an enema nozzle.

  • Heywood Jablome
    January 7, 2020 at 2:35 pm

    The Hamburgler!

    • Howard Ja Blowme
      January 7, 2020 at 3:09 pm

      The Joker

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