Does This Look Like A Guy Who Got Busted For Filming His Dog Giving Him A BJ In A West Springfield Motel Room And Sending It To Some Chick He Just Met In A Bruins Chatroom?

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Masslive: An Easthampton man has been charged with bestiality after allegedly making a video showing his dog performing a sexual act on him.

Oh for fuck’s sake. How is that even possible? How do you get your dog to do that without biting? And why would anyone ever even think to do something like that? Turns out it was for a chick:

Joshua E. Swift, 32, was scheduled for arraignment last week in Springfield District Court on one count of bestiality. When Swift failed to show up, a judge issued a warrant for his arrest. The case dates to October when a woman who met Swift on a Boston Bruins fan website contacted the Blanford Police Department. The woman, who developed an online relationship with Swift, told police he sent her a video showing his dog performing a sexual act on him, according to a complaint filed by Easthampton police.

Some people send strange women dick pics to break the ice. Not Josh Swift though. He does one better. Because sometimes you have to assume the woman you just started talking to in a Bruins chatroom just so happens to be into bestiality. 

Questioned by investigators, Swift admitted making the video, but said the woman encouraged him to do it, the complaint said. The woman contacted police after he broke off their relationship, he said.

So let me get this straight. This guy’s story for the cops is that this chick encouraged him to make a video of his dog performing felatio on him. Out of the blue. For some strange reason he decided that this was the kind of chick he wanted to begin a relationship with, and he though it would be a good idea to go through with the video. Then, all of a sudden he dumped her and she called the cops on him out of jilted chick anger. Because guys who get blowjobs from dogs are in a position to dump women. Definitely. 

Swift claimed he was “wasted, lonely and in a bad state of mind” at the time he recorded the footage, and said the act shown in the video was “not something he would normally do,” the complaint said.

Oh good, it’s not something he “normally” does. Because normal guys go through a phase where they feed their dog mushroom tip soup in order to please a strange woman from a Bruins chatroom. 

While speaking to police about the video, Swift complained that someone has been harassing his current girlfriend online and even sent her a copy of the recording. “Mr. Swift is angry that the video is being spread,” the complaint said.

Wait…..what? Current girlfriend? So you’re telling me that someone sent this chick a video of Josh’s self-produced bestiality film in which he played the leading role, and she still is referred to as his “current” girlfriend. Yup, she sounds perfectly stable. 

The bestiality charge is not the first encounter with the court system for Swift, a self-employed roofer. Between 2001 and 2010, fifteen criminal charges were filed against him, including assault and battery, driving with a suspended license, trespassing, malicious damage, leaving the scene of a property damage accident, and marijuana possession. While most charges were dismissed or continued without a finding, Swift was ordered to serve two six-month jail terms in separate assault cases and six more months in a domestic abuse case. Six restraining orders also were filed against him between 2007 and 2011, according to court records.

Those crimes can probably all be explained away by crazy chicks who just wanted the D. Unfortunately if you walk on two legs, you’re just not Josh’s type. 

Anyway, this guy owning his own business is probably the smartest thing he’s ever done. Because the thought of a prospective employer doing a background check on this guy is the funniest thing Turtleboy has thought of all day. After all, when you get a resume, and you do a Google search for the candidate, and this is the first thing that pops up:

It’s pretty safe to say they’re not getting a call back. 

Anyway, glad to see the dog is safe and sound, although poor Rocko looks like he’s got some years of intensive therapy ahead of him. 

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