All-Star Criminals

EBT Brigade Defends Pubeface Killah Who Stole A Donation Jar For Rescue Dogs From The Hess Station In Waterford

EBT Brigade Defends Pubeface Killah Who Stole A Donation Jar For Rescue Dogs From The Hess Station In Waterford

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

 

 

 

So last week in Waterford CT, some flat brimmed fudgenugget stole a donation jar at the Hess Station that was intended for the Friday’s Dog Rescue Foundation:

Be more hatable than this guy. You can’t. Grown ass man with a flat brimmed hat turned sideways, an oversized white t-shirt like he’s trying out to be an extra in a 1999 rap video, and an “I’ve got court on Tuesday and she’ll be 17 in July” chinstrap. It’s like what you’d buy at the Halloween Outlet if they sold wangsta dooshnozzle costumes.

Well they found him yesterday, and somehow he managed to look like an even bigger bag of flaccid penises the second time around:



Smart move going to arrest him at 8:00 AM. Eliminates the chance he’d awake or at work at that time.

There was no “free my boi” commentary, but this was pretty close:

Ahh yes, “only case stones if you’ve never done wrong.” The one line out of the Bible that every ratchet knows off the top of their head. They just deliver it completely wrong.

Newsflash slugpumps – we’ve all done things wrong before, but stealing a donation jar for dog rescues isn’t one of those things. Sure, we all lie sometimes, and some of us have even stolen. But stealing a donation jar for charity after purposely distracting the clerk is a premeditated crime that only a chudstuffer like this could pull off. This is not relatable. So yea, I will throw stones at this asshat’s Voke-stache till the cows come home, because unlike him I have never stolen a donation jar from the Hess Station.

Then there’s this genius:

Oh shut the fuck up already. Yea, the only reason the rest of us don’t steal donation jars is because we were all handed everything by Mommy and Daddy. Waking up every day, going to work, and abiding by the laws of this land are definitely “luxuries.” Ya know what’s a luxury Michelle? All that welfare taxpayers throw at you because you made so many poor life decisions. That’s a luxury I don’t have.

Gotta love her reasoning too:

We do what we gotta do for our kids no matter what. Of course it wasn’t right…but his kids didn’t go without.”

First of all, yes they did. They certainly did go without. There is a zero point zero percent chance any money from that donation jar made its way to the children. It all went to his next fix. Secondly, even if he did do that, it would somehow justify stealing from a charity? So it’s OK to rob people so long as you’re doing it to feed your kids? Hey, here’s an idea – get a fucking job like the rest of us, and shave that pubenado growing on your face while you’re at it.

 

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

9 Comment(s)
  • Time Traveler
    May 26, 2017 at 11:29 am

    Yo Yo Yo MTV !

  • Lola Bunny
    May 25, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    How do all these scumbags live with themselves? I feel guilty if I see donation jars and don’t give anything, never mind actually stealing them. And as a single mom that raised 2 great kids (1 just finished 4 years in the military, the other has a great municipal job) by juggling jobs, was never on welfare, (although when I was really struggling I swallowed my pride and went to a food bank a few times for old bread, canned goods, pasta and stuff) they can take the excuse of “doing what you gotta do to provide for your kids” and stick it right up their asses.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      May 26, 2017 at 1:03 am

      Sounds like you did a great job – too bad more people aren’t as responsible and dedicated as you seem to be, and pass that onto their children – then we’d have far fewer of these societal leeches.

  • JohnnyG
    May 25, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    How much dope does a doggy donation jar buy these days?

  • Alex
    May 25, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    Pubenado lmfao.

    Bible verse in reference is John 8:7

    I’m in Facebook jail for telling a tranny she looked like a hoe I think.

    • Lydia
      May 26, 2017 at 10:17 am

      Let the tranny know that on June 3rd, Union Sq, Somerville, MA is having a “Big Gay Day Dance Party” FREE to all. NO alcohol will be served, BUT they say plenty of local bars in that part of the “ville” so, no worries, they can still get liquored up. BUT the BEST is, they WILL be offering AIDS and STD testing at this “Big Gay Day Dance” and IF you’re lucky, you can meet Somerville’s Mayor McCheese

  • YouR NaMe HeRe
    May 25, 2017 at 3:28 pm

    He doesn’t even pay his child support. So definitely none of that went to his kid. He was raised better than this but he just decided being a thug was the way to go I guess. Very disappointing and sad.

  • JoeMomma
    May 25, 2017 at 2:07 pm

    He felt entitled to it….his girlfriend is a dog.

  • Johnny5
    May 25, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Michelle Houle should be ashamed of herself. How fucking gross.

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?