It’s been a while since Abi landed a good one for us!
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Abi Horowitz, the Turtleboy Desk Girl, has been in and out of the hospital with her labiatic pustules for weeks now. She’s been away from the desk so long that we were starting to have to deal with these people ourselves. Uncool. While I take sport in making Deskie’s work life a living hell… My days were felling pretty empty without her.
However, Deskie came back just in time for Turtlerider Deb to recommend Abi’s stellar customer service.
If you happened to miss who Sarah Snaggle Snatch is – read her homophobic poetry here:
She was eaten alive after making this post:
Such refinement! Such class! You’ll notice that Sarah changed her name the day she got put on blast. She claims that she Facebook married the guy who buried his dick grill in her grimy cavern.
Personally, I think she didn’t like that I called him “sperm donor.”
Well, Sarah went to Abi to beg for blog removal. Abi, as always, was happy to help. Deskie really believes that we don’t check the messages to see what she says to people about us. It works well in our favor as she really doesn’t read the blogs we write. She hates us more than the ratchets we blog about do.
Alright, I’m going to stop you right here, Snaggles. If something happens to you it’s because you were clinically unstable and shouldn’t be roaming around pretending to be a parent. What you people don’t understand is that the shit you post online has consequences. If you dislike those consequences it’s on you – NOT us. People who use threats of self-harm as manipulation tactics are the lowest of the low.
Ah yes. The good ol “I’ve been having an IBS attack” excuse. That almost has more shit than Sarah telling us that we posted pictures of her kid. We don’t do that here at TBS. Even if your family picture has baby daddy wearing a grill:
As you can see there is a bag of sadness over the innocent child’s head. I guess my choice of bag caused Snaggle to cry “deformation of character.” It’s too bad Abi gave her the idea to call the law. You can almost see the light go on in Snaggle’s head as soon as Abi said “lawsuit!”
She already “had depression.” As if it’s something you can just catch and get rid of with a “bye Felicia.” It’s our fault neither of them work. It’s our fault she posted the homophobic rant because she was too cheap to drop a quarter in the meter. We even made up the arrests, for domestic abuse and stealing metal, we found on them. Wait… No we didn’t!
Here is where even Abi, the ratchet whisperer, begins to realize that she can’t communicate with the level of stupidity. It’s like knocking on the branch of a dead tree.
Now this is where things get fun. She pulls the “but I have <insert group of those insulted> friends!”
She can’t be <term for hater of whatever group was insulted!>
But when Sarah tried to do some damage control on her own Facebook page – one of her “gay friends” told her that they didn’t think she learned her lesson. If you ask me… Sarah doesn’t sound very sorry.
Honey, I don’t think you’ve ever seen a medal. Lezbehonest here. You were stealing “metal” to clearly feed some kind of an addiction. We got many messages about her liking the diesels. I’m kind of surprised she still has her kids.
Here comes Abi’s first true love! We love Cleatus!
Don’t worry Sarah. Abi didn’t lie to you. She really thinks we don’t read her interactions with people. She still, to this day, has no idea that’s she’s famous for her customer service skills. After all, she doesn’t follow our negative blogs.
Poor Turtleboss Kevin. He was using the same crapper as Abi and managed to catch a vag cyst on his poundable exit. Who knew those things were contagious?! Guess when his Latin lover went to go to town on his hindquarters the damn thing popped. No need for lube when you’ve got a volcanic lava infection greasing the prostrate wheel, eh?
When Turtleboss Kevin never responded to the form Abi submitted for Sarah -Snaggles started just making things up to say she was in danger. Like when her ex boyfriend LOL’d about how he knew that she would someday be Turtleboy Famous and she spun that in to a murder threat.
Again, let this be a lesson to all of you ratchets who think blasting their anger and homophobia off in public space is a good idea – Deskie is always here to help.
It’s the rest of us turtles that rubbing salt in the wound.