All-Star Criminals

Five Quincy Scrotum Poles Fracture Guys Face On MBTA And We’d Love To Make Them Turtleboy Famous


After the Bruins Game 1 victory of the Hurricanes last week some hooligans did what they do this time every year – kicked the shit out some strangers on the MBTA.

Five men are wanted for questioning in connection with an attack that caused serious injuries to a victim at an MBTA station last week, transit police said. The five men, almost all of whom were wearing Boston Bruins gear, were seen on camera at approximately 12 a.m. Friday at North Quincy Station. The team had beaten the Carolina Hurricanes in the first game of the NHL Eastern Conference Final earlier that night. Police said the victim was “viciously beaten” and suffered facial fractures. Police said the men are wanted for questioning relative to aggravated assault and battery. Anyone with information about their identities is asked to contact the Criminal Investigations Unit at 617-222-1050. Anonymous tips can also be sent via text message to 873873.

OF COURSE Quincy. They didn’t even have to say that. Everyone who’s ever been to Quincy immediately knew those chuds were all getting off in North Quincy. Especially this guy:

Guaranteed he has no savings, blows all his money on weekly haircuts and Jordan’s, and eats pizza shop chicken cutlet grinders at least 5 times a week. The Back to the Future vest, the chinstrap, and the unearned aura of self-confidence just reek of Quincy.

The rest of them are grown men wearing backwards hats, winter hats in May, and sunglasses on at night. In other words, they’re all huge scrotum poles and this probably won’t be their first or last arrest.

If you know who any of them are you should definitely call 617-222-1050 or text 873873. But right after you do that you should definitely message us on Facebook at TBNews, which is growing way too slowly because it doesn’t contain the word Turtleboy in the name, or email It’s been a while since we outed one of these shitheads, and they’re great still shots so someone out there has to know who they are. Once you find one you find the rest. So hit us up so we can make them Turtleboy famous and help bring them to justice.


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28 Comment(s)
  • Clarence Whittendale
    May 16, 2019 at 12:14 am

    Weird. The video came out and people realized it wasn’t what they assumed. Fucking faggots. Every one of you cunts who rushed to judgement should put yourself on auto slap. Fucking ferry pud wackers. The dude who got creased initiated the whole scrap and got throttled. Hahaha. Let it be a lesson to all you asswipes who follow the headlines like sheep.

  • Quincy Punk
    May 14, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    One kid looks like a former pharmacuitcal low level worker who who had a drug problem and his mother kept bailing him out. His first name is John. I cant remember his last name but some say he was a Greek POS

  • deflateddoritodinks
    May 14, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    Yeah glad I can afford a car. I would devote 99% of my income towards purchasing a car rather than set foot on the T EVER. I’m sure there were police all over the place AFTER the beating was over. All they need is another $10 BILLION and then everything will be fine as their 40 year old retirees will attest.

  • bill fleming
    May 14, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    Has anyone noticed that when a white guy commits a crime on the subway the MBTA makes it out to be the crime of the century. When hood rats attack innocent Asians or whites on the subway we never hear about it. A t-cop told me that the knockout game was played against females and they kept it quiet. He told me they are under orders not to arrest juveniles or they will face the wrath of Rachael Roliins.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    May 14, 2019 at 10:11 am

    I know those guys.

    Sully, Fitzy, TJ, Chigga and my boy Dippa.

    They’re good guys. The best of Southie.

    • randall gay's dad is a faggot too
      May 15, 2019 at 8:21 am

      get back to the dumpster boy, cocks need sucking

  • Not today Satan
    May 14, 2019 at 10:07 am

    I know a couple of these kids, and guarantee they were provoked. They do work, they work hard for their families, their lives, etc.and they are good fecking kids. My lips are sealed because it’s the last thing their families need. I’m a good person with good karma, but I’m not a snitch and don’t plan on becoming one. Just leave this shit alone TB, I’ve actually helped with some of your other stories, walk away from this one.

    • randiguy2006
      Randall Guy
      May 14, 2019 at 10:14 am

      Yeah some random dude saw these 5 and decided to provoke them.

      I heard he made fun of their SAT scores.

    • Clarence Whittendale
      May 16, 2019 at 12:20 am

      Respect. Fuck this site and what it runs with. I picked this story up from a Facebook feed and had to chime in having been in similar situations. Rushed judgement with a bit of wordplay from the fuckface turtleboy writers. Real cool dude. This is the kind of content that the net can do without. Cunts with keyboards. Talking down to people doesn’t make you funny it makes you look like a complete asshole who deserves to get your pegs smashed out.

  • z
    May 14, 2019 at 9:43 am

    When in Philly I prefer the Cheese steak, on the west coast they are different and push the Fish taco but up here in New England the Lobster roll is king eats my Ni@@@as!

  • Big Wick
    May 14, 2019 at 9:39 am

    So, these assholes just go free and the crime doesn’t get solved unless someone ponys up to you? You’re almost as bad as the chuds themselves. Another “What’s in it for me?” attitude. SMH

    • Big Wick
      May 14, 2019 at 10:26 am

      WTF? This was meant to be a response to “Gtfoh,” NOT to NSTB! I _LOVE_ North!

  • Street rat
    May 14, 2019 at 6:46 am

    Now that I work in the city, I see this exact type of shitstain all day. None of em seem To work, they just seem to exist. They are everywhere. Immaculate sneakers, Celtics, Bruins, and to a lesser extent, Red Sox sweatshirts. They are stuck in the inner fringes of life. Not broke and begging group, but the group that’s gone about as far as they are going to go in life.

  • Well, No Shit
    May 14, 2019 at 5:40 am

    Always. Carry. Concealed.

  • Gtfoh
    May 14, 2019 at 1:15 am

    Yup I knkw 2 of their names !!! But, give me $1,000 and then I will snitch

    • Big Wick
      May 14, 2019 at 10:23 am

      So, these assholes just go free and the crime doesn’t get solved unless someone ponys up to you? You’re almost as bad as the chuds themselves. Another “What’s in it for me?” attitude. SMH

  • Michael Hunt
    Michael Hunt
    May 13, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    “North Shore Turtlebabe” and you call a sub a grinder? I’m calling bullshit.

    • z
      May 14, 2019 at 7:29 am

      I’ve always called them grinders in W. Mass.
      Philly and N.E. PA. calls them Hoagies.
      South of Philly calls them subs.

      Grinders maybe because of ground meat. Subs because of the shape.

      Hoagies are supposedly named after the Philly Hog Island ship yard. Stores name themselves that way, “Hanks Hoagies” in Scranton.

    • Fucking grinders.
      May 14, 2019 at 7:39 am

      I thought that was strange. “Chicken cutlet grinder” is a chicken finger sub up on the north shore.

    • z
      May 14, 2019 at 7:57 am

      I know everything there is to know about subs/grinders/hoagies.
      Some day I hope to get a job at Subway, I’m the sandwich MASTER!~

      • z
        May 14, 2019 at 8:44 am

        blow me.

        I expected a response from some kind of shit stain. Thanks for playing.

        • Fuck you douche bag
          May 14, 2019 at 9:40 am

          I respinded to mike hunt not you, you faqqot.

        • Nee Chi
          May 14, 2019 at 1:41 pm

          Do you know what a Spuckie is??

          • Eggstra Mayaux
            May 14, 2019 at 8:54 pm

            The sub that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

    • z
      May 14, 2019 at 9:48 am

      Arby’s makes a good samich. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to work there * me dreaming*.

      • The Vorlon
        Kosh Naranek
        May 14, 2019 at 10:26 am

        You are just hoping for a Arby’s east of 495 🙂

    • True Reality Speaks
      So Endeth The Lesson
      May 14, 2019 at 8:19 pm

      Anyone in New England who calls it a sub probably likes to insert it rectally.

      Its a f’ing grindah, dumb fucks. Take your sub and go back to New Jersey or whatever back woods, guido-infested dump you came from.

    • The Common Man
      May 14, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      NSTB, this was fantastic, short and sweet like an assassins dart.

      The Chicken Cutlet Grinder is usually what it’s called in Greek owned shops.

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