It’s been like an hour since Western Mass Turtlegirl wrote this blog about two Westfield peace fuzz poonstachios stealing quarters out of a washing machine in a private West Springfield apartment complex. A local Westfield resident named Shannon Moore vowed that if the West Springfield police ever did this to her, there would be hell to pay….
Welp, life comes at ya fast….
This is the most legendary thing I’ve ever seen on Facebook. Just days before announcing that she would rain holy hell on the West Springfield Police if they ever shamed her publicly by posting her mugshot, they go and shame her publicly by posting one of the great mugshots of all time.
The only thing more glorious and wide open than the pole polisher in that mugshot, is her Facebook page. It is everything you dreamed it would be and more.
Let’s start with the fact that this diabetes debutante JUST got her license two months ago.
She beat Sponge Bob, so at least she’s got that going for her. And according to her the only thing harder than exercise was passing the license test.
In fairness, there’s a lot of tough questions. Like,
- Should I smash my car into someone else? Yes/No/Maybe
- Should I house down this Mad Dog 20/20 before or after I have to run this errand to West Springfield? For reelz/oh fo sho
- Upon arrival of EMT’s, should I be non-cooperative or let them do their job?
- If you’re “living your best life,” how would you smile for a mugshot?
Shockingly this is not fupa dupa’s first run in with the law, and she often thought about punching her public defender in the head when they read off her police report in the courtroom.
Then again, it’s not exactly surprising that she’d be in a “rollover.” After all, parts of her body roll over other parts of her body all the time.
With gerber servers like these:
It’s enough to throw off the balance in any vehicle. So she’s got a pretty good defense. Those things are like Pangea before they broke apart into several continents. Girlfriend out here slinging more milk than Cumberland Farms.
So yea, she’s got the whole ratchet package, and you gotta say she’s a shoo-in for next year’s ratchet madness tournament. We got the police mugshot, the dogface mirror selfies, 100 emojis, and dog filters. The only thing we’re missing is the $100 bill cell phone. Oh wait……
We got that too. She’s the complete ratchet package, and I know Uncle Turtleboy would be honored to have her on the Live show this weekend.
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