Gardner Homeslice Jumps Out Of Moving Vehicle To Evade Cops, Forgets He Was Driving And Leaves Two People In The Car As It Crashes Into Tree

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Turtlegram: A Main Street man jumped from a moving vehicle as he allegedly tried to flee from police Monday afternoon. Francis Bermudez, 22, of 42 Main St., Apt. 7, was charged with multiple motor vehicle offenses, along with possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, two counts of cocaine possession, and heroin possession. Police said they tried to stop a vehicle Mr. Bermudez was driving around 2:17 p.m., but the car drove off. Officers pursued for a short distance when Mr. Bermudez jumped from the vehicle. Mr. Bermudez ran, while the car collided with a tree. Officers were able to catch up with Mr. Bermudez at Timpany Plaza. Police said they found narcotics on Mr. Bermudez after a search. 

You’ll never guess who this winner’s favorite basketball team is:

Man, Chicago Bulls games must be ratchet central. I’ve never been to one, but it sounds dangerous.

Anyway, generally if you’re gonna jump out of a moving vehicle, you wanna make sure that you’re a passenger and not the driver. Or else you’re kind of fucking over the people riding with you. And that’s exactly what Francis here did. He left a chick and another Chicago Bulls fan in the car while he bailed out. Oh well, you gotta keep it 100 sometimes I guess.

Francis seems like he’s really going places. He lives by a very strict code – “money be the motive” and “never trust a hoe.”

Although the hoe in the backseat who was left behind in a vehicle with no driver would probably argue that they could never trust a Gardner chudmuffin like Francis either.

Don’t matter though, because Francis is all about that cash money, and is a really deep thinker:

True that yo!! Francis over here is so gangsta he puts the G in GED!! And luckily he has reproduced (because, of course), and is obviously instilling values and morals into the next generation, so the cycles of ratchetry do not repeat themselves.

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