All-Star Criminals

Genius Weed Dealer Robs Worcester Jewelry Store, Comes Back For Cell Phone, Wins Darwin Award

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Worcester Police Facebook PageOn Monday, Monday 25, 2016 at approximately 12:52 PM, a Worcester police officer working the city hall foot patrol responded to a larceny call at City Jewelry located at 507 Main Street. The responding officer received information from police dispatchers that one of two suspects that just fled the store with some jewelry was now back attempting to get his cellphone that he left behind. The owner of the store locked the door preventing the suspect from getting to his phone. The owner provided the officer with a suspect description.

Love it. I love to know who these guys are in case the apocalypse comes. These are the guys you wanna go after. These are the people who aren’t fit to survive. These are America’s finest dumbasses. 

The officer observed a male fitting the suspect description walking on Main Street near the Seven Eleven Convenience Store. The officer approached the male and asked if she could speak with him. The male said yes but then ran off. The officer called out that she was involved in a foot chase with the potential suspect. Several officers responded to the scene. Officers chased after the male through the Worcester Common and eventually ending up inside the front doors to 100 Front Street.

The Worcester Common is nothing but a cesspool for junkies and fleeing jewelry store thieves. Don’t worry though, that luxury hotel they’re putting up at Washington Square should fix everything. 

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The male, identified as Leshawn Parrish, 34-years-old, of 5 Regina Road, Boston, resisted the officers attempts to be placed in handcuffs. Eventually Mr. Parrish was subdued. A witness was transported to the scene of apprehension and positively identified Mr. Parrish as one of the two suspects that took the jewelry.

Boston? He came all the way from Boston to do this? Do they not have jewelry stores there he can rob?

Officers went to the jewelry store to review security film footage. Officers observed Mr. Parrish purposely distracting the owner so that the second suspect could reach over the counter and grab a tray full of silver and gold chains. The owner was unaware of the theft until a witness informed him. The witness stated that the two suspects were seen splitting the chains between the two outside on Main Street.

Note to self – when reaching over the counter and grabbing a handful of silver and gold chains, make sure no one is looking first. 


During the foot chase Mr. Parrish was seen throwing items into the sewer drain by the entrance to 100 Front Street. Worcester DPW was called to the scene to assist the officers in retrieving the items. The search produced some of the chains which the owner identified as belonging to his inventory. 

Only in Worcester would a jewelry store downtown resell a gold chain that was just thrown into the sewer. 

Mr. Parrish possessed a backpack. Inside the backpack the officers discovered three separate containers of marijuana, a scale and $805 in cash.

Dude, the fuck are you robbing jewelry stores for? You have almost a grand on your person, and you have a bunch of weed, which is just as good as cash. I’m sorry, but I have no respect for weed dealers who are this lazy. If you’re gonna sell weed, then sell weed. It’s like any other business. Pound the pavement, find customers, walk over to Clark, etc. This is the first weed dealer I’ve ever heard of who was too lazy to sell weed. 

But seriously, how fucking stupid can you be? And why even bring your cell phone if you’re planning on robbing the place? That’s the real story here – Americans who can’t get off their phones. Turtleboy is the same way. I’m on that amazing iMachine every chance I get. But at the same time I recognize that this weakness prevents me from robbing jewelry stores. Not Leshawn Parrish though. He keeps it real. 

Last thing I’ll say is this. Downtown Worcester looks like a joke. It’s got no theme to it. It’s just a bunch of random troglodyte bait. And a GREAT way to attract every scumbag imaginable is to have pawn shops, credit unions, cash checking, and jewelry stores on the same exact block:

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This is the jewelry store that was robbed:

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They buy gold and sell perfume on a layaway plan. You might as well put a sign out front that says “crackheads welcome.” Not that this jewelry store doesn’t have a right to do business, but if you want normal people to go downtown, normal people don’t buy perfume on layaway or trade in their gold on Main Street. Just sayin. 


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7 Comment(s)
  • Maggie the Cat
    April 27, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    Sorry, but in the Universe of Darwin Awards these guys aren’t even on the runner-up list. After all, they didn’t look down the barrel of a loaded gun to see why it misfired. Now THAT was a classic.

  • juror seven
    April 27, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    Isn’t that block on Main St. one of the locations that is on the WRA\City Manager hit list? Sure fire way to turn the city around. Also how is the other great plan coming along for the rebirth of Main St.? That would be let’s put in a bike lane and screw up the traffic flow from Lincoln Sq. to Main & Chandler. I can see it now, the jewelry store will relocate on Main and the gangstas that pull the next robbery will have a spot right outside the front door to park the getaway bike.

  • The Great Dolemite
    April 27, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Yo! back it off LivesinLowell. Summers close and it am the best time to buy a Turtleboy hoodie. It am a statement that you am a bad ass!

  • LivesInLowell
    April 27, 2016 at 10:42 am

    If he was wearing a turtleboy hoodie, he likely wouldn’t be committing a crime at all or at the very least he wouldn’t be dumb enough to have a cell phone on his person while committing a crime.

  • The Great Dolemite
    April 27, 2016 at 10:15 am

    Them brothas aint got no style. If you gonna do dat U shood be wearin a Turtleboy hoodie!

  • The Great Dolemite
    April 27, 2016 at 10:09 am

    Lookie here, all the brothas no da bets place to buy gold am Walmart or Costco. F dem stoopids. Where am all da white bitches at????

  • MommaH
    April 27, 2016 at 10:08 am

    Just when you thought you have heard it or seen it all…there are just too many stupid people in this city. The stupidest being the druggies and their dealers. Even the mentally challenged are smarter than these idiots.

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