All-Star Criminals

Golden Hurl Hagbag Tries Stopping “Illegal Foreclosure” By Pushing Moving Guy, Constable, And Worcester Cop And Then Whining About Assault

Golden Hurl Hagbag Tries Stopping “Illegal Foreclosure” By Pushing Moving Guy, Constable, And Worcester Cop And Then Whining About Assault

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Get the newest Turtleboy Sports t-shirt (as seen on the Felger and Mazz show) by clicking the picture above.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.






A few people sent us this Facebook Live video from Worcester Magazine of a foreclosure on Orient Street in the Grafton Hill section of the Woo. A bunch of skags from the Worcester anti-foreclosure team tried blockading the house and it didn’t end too well for them:

A lot of people are giving Worcster Magazine shit because this isn’t “news.” But I love it. This is basically what we do at Turtleboy Sports – we expose shitbags. Maybe WoMag is finally learning that THIS is what people want to see. This is news. Because it’s something everyone can relate to, especially people who have owned property. We all have bills to pay, and if you bought a home then you knew it was a long term commitment on your part. If you can’t keep up with the mortgage payments then your ass gets foreclosed on. Pretty simple.

Anyway, this old sack of granola Lori Cairns is easily the most detestable person of the day for her failed blockade of this “illegal foreclosure” as she calls it. First the Constable tries opening the door to get this lady Marjorie Evans’ shit out of the house because she’s not paying the bills, and the old hagbag in the “I’m with her” pantsuit and old lady walking shoes accused him of “assaulting” her after she stuck her ass into his and then pushed him as he tried to do his job:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.30.59 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.31.20 PM

This was followed by a slight period of awkwardness:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.31.45 PM

Then to ease the tension she apparently started to grind her ghetto booty into the constable as he screamed “No Mas!!”

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.32.34 PM


Then the guy from the moving company showed up to try to open the door. And let me tell ya, this chick plays better one-on-one defense than James Harden:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.32.46 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.32.52 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.33.37 PM Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.33.49 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.34.02 PM

Then of course she accused him of “assaulting” her too:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.34.24 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.34.33 PM

Hey lady, if you’re gonna play defense your feet have to be planted and your body can’t be moving, or else the foul is on you. If you think you’re getting the charging call there you’re out of your mind. That’s clearly on the defense.

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

Nevertheless she persisted, and once again things momentarily got awkward:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.34.53 PM

“So……what do we talk about? See any good episodes of Matlock lately? Now that the Webster House is closed, where do all you geriatric all-stars go for 4 PM meatloaf? Val’s? Any chance of Woolworth’s making a comeback? Heard they had some great deals on soda pop.”

After that was over the smothering defense continued:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.35.13 PM

As she ran into the constable she once again whined about “assault”

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.36.03 PM

And then put her dukes up to fight the moving guy:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.36.13 PM

Finally a Worcester cop came over to get tell her to cut the shit or she was going to jail. The mover used this momentary distraction to sneak in there to open the lock. But she saw him:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.36.55 PM

And she wedged her way into something that had nothing to do with her like she was Angela Lansbury:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.37.07 PM

Foreclosure she wrote!!

Finally the officer made everyone watching extremely happy when this golden hurl was placed under arrest.

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.37.44 PM

Luckily her elderly privilege allowed her to resist a little bit by grabbing the officer before eventually putting her hands behind her back:

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.37.55 PM

Screen Shot 2017-05-05 at 12.38.19 PM

Turns out Marjorie Evans bought this house in 2007 for $250,000, right in the middle of the housing bubble. Probably the worst time to buy a house since the 1920’s, because property values were so inflated because we were told that “everyone should own a house.” Wrong. People who can keep up with mortgage payments for 30 years should. Everyone else should rent. By 2009 the mortgage was in foreclosure.

I have zero sympathy for this lady getting foreclosed on. Adults pay their bills. If you can’t keep up with mortgage payments on a $250,000 house, then sell the house, take whatever equity you have (which probably isn’t that much if you only paid a couple year’s worth of mortgage payments) and put it towards a down payment on a $150,000 house. It’s Worcester. $150K goes a long way in the Woo. You’re a single woman, you don’t need a $250,000 house. Sometimes in life we don’t get everything we want, and just because you whine and complain about evil banks, doesn’t mean you get to stay in the bank-owned home.



We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM


Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2015-12-28 at 1.20.12 PM

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

19 Comment(s)
  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    May 7, 2017 at 1:24 am

    “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling Banksters!”

    Looks like the dementia ward went on a field trip to a foreclosure today.

  • G. Wallace
    May 6, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    Get the water canons and the attack dogs out.

  • CLG
    May 6, 2017 at 11:40 am

    WoMag portrayed the skag bag as a ‘tenant’ during their live stream. Kind of felt bad for her because I figured her landlord had defaulted on their loan and she was being evicted because the house had been foreclosed. Thanks Turtleboy for telling the truth!
    $250,000 for 1/2 a house on Orient Street? WTH? That means the builder made $500k per whole house, the only place in the Woo a house is worth $500k is Salisbury Street or the West Side.
    The loan had been serviced by Nationstar Mortgage, but funded by Freddie Mac, now Freddie Mac owns the 1/2 house (duplex.) Freddie Mac is run by the Federal Government, the house isn’t worth $250k anymore, it’s now worth anywhere from $150k to $175k and that’s only if the skag didn’t wreck it. Guess who eats the devaluated difference between what was loaned and what it’ll eventually sell for, tax payers! Guess who paid for all the court battles, the movers, storage fees and Constable.. tax payers! Guess who pays to make the house ‘market ready’ and who pays for a Realtor to sell it.. tax payers! Guess who put this housing nightmare in place, Obama!
    Even better, if the Skag had cooperated with Freddie Mac in the first place, she would have gotten a payday of about $3,500.00 to $5,000.00 if she just handed over the keys and moved out, instead she got to live for FREE for six years!
    One question remains: if she couldn’t pay her mortgage, who paid for the lawyers to take this case all the through Worcester Housing Court to the State Supreme Court?

  • Irishcurse
    May 6, 2017 at 8:34 am

    Living there since 2009 without paying anything? I would think she would have enough cash saved up to buy another by then. That and maybe some better clothes and haircut. Add in a gym membership for that wide load too.

  • lolwhut
    May 5, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    I didn’t know that protests had an early bird special!
    and what was up with the corpse with the orange sign? They must have defibrillated him out of the grave.

  • CakeEGoodness
    May 5, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    Can anyone tell me what that fossil’s sign says? What was the point of using the Crypt Keeper to block entrance? The old bag with her “bankster” sign made me giggle.I bet she & the squatter who mortgaged that house had no problem going to “banksters” to get loans they knew they had no business even applying for. As mentioned in this article, if you find yourself no longer able to afford paying for the house you live in; you don’t just stop paying your bills, you sell it! FFS, I expect this fucktardery from millenials but seeing geezers pushing the Marxist/Socialist/Communist line makes me cringe so hard my bootyhole will remain puckered for days. Stick to things you can afford, work hard & save up to better your situation. If things go badly for you financially, blaming “banksters” isn’t how responsible adults handle themselves.

  • Madcow not Rachel
    May 5, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hopefully the Blue Plate Bag got anally raped with a toilet plunger in lockup. Was the dolt with the red baseball cap and the orange sign her mortician????

  • FatFingr Lou
    May 5, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    TB that protection was more like a Jet’s Tackle…feet planted, hands out of position, getting twisted around, coming back to the play, too late, after the D-line has blown past her and the rest of her crew…. then trying to help scrape her QB off the ground.

    I don’t think Dante could help her.

  • Bertha Von Nation
    May 5, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    Ugh! I bought my house during the “bubble” because I was pregnant with #6, and needed a bigger place. We were living hand to mouth, and we were offered a 250,000 mortgage from the bank. Knowing that we lived hand to mouth, we spent 120k on a house instead. It was a shack, but it’s big. It has a couple of acres, and we are fixing it up. Many of our friends bought beautiful houses at the same time, took the huge mortgages, and were upside down on their house 5 years later! It’s simple math people! Just because they offer you the money, doesn’t mean you have to take that much!!

    • Maggie the Cat
      May 5, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      Good for you, Bertha. We did something similar and also paid off our mortgage (early). I am always shocked by how many people ruin their own lives by overspending on a house. I guess they’re just stupid.

    • Turd Burglestein
      May 5, 2017 at 5:02 pm

      Smart move. Having the extra acreage is something you’ll appreciate down the road too. There’s a lot to be said about having enough land to where you can have a nice buffer zone from your neighbors. I did a similar thing too when I bought my house…I purchased the lots on either side of me that weren’t developed yet and left them heavily wooded. Now that the rest of area has been built out, I’m the house with the largest lot which makes it more desirable when it does come time to sell. Or if I ever fell on hard times, I could always sell one or both of the lots at 10x what I originally purchased them for.

      • itsjustme
        May 6, 2017 at 12:22 am

        We have several acres and I love it. I can’t see another house from my house, you can’t see my house from the road. My kids can play outside and I don’t have to worry about someone taken them. If I ever decided to “move” I would just tear down this house and build another or have an addition and remodel. Now if I could just get the ticks to move it would be perfect.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    May 5, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    I think butt crack Mcgee handled himself great. At least he respects his elders. Lmao! Everyone else wanted to throat punch the old beotch!!!

  • Turd Burglestein
    May 5, 2017 at 2:45 pm

    Looks more molden than golden to me, unless you’re talking about her diaper.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    May 5, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    If I’m correctly reading what TBS reported, the lady lived FREE in that house since 2009??? And is only now being evicted? It being in Mass, I’m sure there’s all sorts of bleeding-heart rules and red tape that take YEARS to get through before an eviction takes place – is that right? And how in the fucking hell does anyone in their right mind think it’s OK to quit paying their mortgage/bills and then continue on, like nothing ever happened? Yeah, socialist leftist weenies, that’s who – silly chants n’ all.

  • Steve c
    May 5, 2017 at 2:27 pm

    None of these idiots have jobs? And i wonder how many of them actually own their own houses? Bet you most of them live in apartments and have section 8 assistance and live off of social security. They have nothing better to do other than interfering with all these guys just doing their jobs because tye homeowner didnt pay their mortgage and got kicked out. What did they think would happen by not paying their mortgage? Lol

  • Turtlehead
    Your name here*
    May 5, 2017 at 2:08 pm

    Ugh. I hate these people. I don’t know how these people dealt with her so calmly. I would have knocked that old bitch out and laughed right in her face as soon as her cellulite ridden saddlebags hit the ground

  • Duke Westwood
    May 5, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    “when we fight… WE WIN!”

    Ummm… nope.

  • Mark D
    May 5, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    She’s gross

Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?