Nudniks

Grundlestiltskin’s Case Of Mistaken Identity Takes A Turn For The Even More Hilarious, Bristol Has A New Feud And Everyone Can Join In On The Fun

A couple days ago SSTG wrote a story about a fat, angry perpetually unemployed ginger harassing cops on film in lieu of being an actual productive member of society. This, in turn, led him to fixate on some random chick in the Providence Police station, who he was totally convinced was me, for some weird reason.  And when I say fixate, I mean fixate:

 

What are these odds that this guy has an interest in tanning human flesh and sewing it into a suit jacket to wear to his next court date?  I feel like they’re pretty high.

 

Well,I guess did have a somewhat plausible, albeit totally paranoid and stupid, reason for thinking this poor chick was me. My God, is it great, and definitely solidifies his title as one of the biggest douche canoes on the East Coast.

Just take a minute. Imagine being such a greasy piece of scum that even the universe itself finds pleasure in fucking with you.

 

That is Joe Hart’s life.

 

As it turns out, the planets and universal energy and whatever else cosmic spiritual bullshit you want to insert there converged, and decided, “Let’s roast this cockgobbler.”

Yesterday I received this message on Bristol TC from Sleazus Christ’s latest object of infatuation, and my unwitting body double, explaining exactly what happened that fateful day I

totally

almost got exposed, you guys.

 

What are the odds? Really, could one of our Turtleriders who is good with numbers do out the math here? There are only 100 of those particular sweatshirts currently out there. And on the same day that Ginger Queefpie has a blog written about him, one of those hundred walks right by him in a Rhode Island police station to pick up an auto accident report. Fucking amazing.

 

My life is complete. Because I have been having some words with Greasy Ginger Joe, and he is just buckets of fun for someone like me.

 

Of course he blocked me. He’s a bitch, and that’s what bitches do. I literally cannot think of a better person to have fate conspire against. I’d almost feel bad for him, because he is a vagrant unemployed Ginger greasetrap who just looks like he smells like cuntcheese and failure. There is an exactly 0% chance he has brought eternal shame upon his ancestors, or will ever do anything even remotely worthwhile with his life. Then I remember he can’t just fail quietly like the rest of the 40 year old Dungeon Masters with perpetual chapped dicks. He whines insufferably at, encourages hostility towards, and stalks the families of hardworking cops. Fuck him, Michelle Carter owes him a phone call.

And good news, Joe. Since my previous nemesis are either in jail or stuck in an endless loop of failure and despair, I’ve decided a cop hating borderline stalker loser from Rhode Island is a good match for my efforts. I guess I should be careful, because ironically enough Grundlestiltskin relies on the law when it suits him, as he relayed to one Turtlerider who shared this in the comments:

 

Awww, Joey, did we trigger you? Sorry!

But I do like to stay on the right side of the law, so I’m not going to do anything criminal to you, Sleazus. Relax. I’m just going to destroy your pathetic little Cop Block Production racket, step by step. It’s a hobby of mine.

And since this shit for brains actually just assumed that some girl in a Turtleboy hoodie just had to be me, I figure we could all join in on the fun. Feel free to buy your own hoodie proudly representing that you are Turtleboy – because we all are. We made sure to drop the price as low as possible for these, so that anyone who wants to can join in on the fun of punking Grundlestiltskin no matter where he may go in New England.

I’d suggest checking Chinese buffets, welfare offices, and anywhere the police are just trying to do their job first, if you’re actively looking to freak him out. I guarantee that is his habitat.

 

Game on, Joey!!

 

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:




Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

 

 

20 Comment(s)
  • masha
    February 11, 2019 at 10:57 am

    the hoodie is already in my cart, just waiting to order it on wednesday because i am a broke college student, but can’t wait to rep up here in NH!

  • SUCKITTREBEK
    February 8, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    Hitlers like “ya miss me yet.”

  • Alex reimer the dainty queefer.
    February 8, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    It’s a common scientific fact that Joa ‘Orca’ was conceived in the following manner. His father, bloa Cox, attempted to give his mother, Anita boxcleenin, a Cleveland steamer after he had eaten Taco Bell for a week straight. However, Ms. Boxcleenin moved and the steaming turkey went right into her clambox. In nine months, out came Joa.

    Same thing with Randall. Nature sure is cruel.

  • Cunt cheese
    February 8, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    This loser needs a regular update/check up for the future. To keep us informed and have a nice long laugh after a long week of working 1, 2, 3 or more jobs so that we can be productive members of society and provide for our ginger ball of fire and his/its friends on ssi, ssdi, welfare, etc. etc.

  • Mike
    February 8, 2019 at 5:58 pm

    If he lives in a small town, I will bet he complains at City Council meetings.  He seems the type to endlessly whine to City Council, meeting after meeting after meeting. Every small town has one of those. Also, many City Council meetings are recorded and published on YouTube, I don’t know what city he lives in.

  • Batteries
    February 8, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Hey fellow Turtle Rider Babe from the story:

    Keep yer chin up. You represented us well. I wish I could buy you 2 beers or something.

    • Team Player
      February 8, 2019 at 4:58 pm

      Awesome that the innocent chick is onboard! 

  • Uniforms
    February 8, 2019 at 12:32 pm

    So a Turtleboy hoodie means that person is Turtleboy. OK, got it. So anyone wearing a Red Sox shirt plays for the team. Or anyone wearing a Metallica t-shirt plays in the band. Anyone wearing a ginger douchenozzle dicknugget outfit is a … ginger douchenozzle dicknugget. 

    Why so many close-ups of his disgusting mouth? He looks like he licks used speculums. 

    • Rochambeau
      February 8, 2019 at 2:42 pm

      I actually like Champion sweatshirts. Their reverse weave is nice and thick. Despite the various Turtle authors ragging on that fashion choice, I figure that it’s pretty safe to wear if you’re employed and have no criminal history.

  • DaBucket
    February 8, 2019 at 12:22 pm

    He did a few days in the county jail and didn’t know the candy on his pillow was not a welcoming gesture, he got turned by a big bull and now suffers from jungle fever, that is the pathology of his police hate, but don’t worry, he will O D before long and we won’t remember him this time next year, nor will anyone else.

  • The angry taint
    February 8, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    This made my day!….gold!… jerry….gold!

  • The Gingerbread Man
    February 8, 2019 at 12:01 pm

    Oh Snap! Another destroyed gingersnap.

  • Randall Guy
    February 8, 2019 at 11:53 am

    IMHO: Your coming off as a bigger asshole than him.

    Why try and ruin peoples lives?

    Is this really what TB aspires to be? Internet bullies?

    What happened to muckraking?

    • Sorry About Your Feelings Randall
      February 8, 2019 at 12:03 pm

      Carrot Cuck deserves it.

    • The angry taint
      February 8, 2019 at 12:07 pm

      Honestly gay are you serious? This bleeding roid went after a stranger because he thought he knew something,obviously like you he doesn’t. Fuck him, he called down the thunder and soy boy beta cucks like you come running to defend him? Eat a frozen bag of dicks

    • Pimp squared
      February 8, 2019 at 1:19 pm

      Randall Guys’ butt is probably being obliterated by a Dude wearing a Pink Pussy hat right now!

    • Frank Rizzo
      February 8, 2019 at 1:22 pm

      Hey Randall Guy, how’d the asshole bleaching go fer ya? Ya frikkin felchin puke! Frank Rizzo

    • Bristol Turtlechick
      February 11, 2019 at 4:50 pm

      I’m ok with that. I am probably definitely more of an asshole than this redheaded step child, and I’m actually quite pleased with myself for it, too. When are you gonna drop the pretenses and just ask me out already, Randall? I’ve been practicing my most sultry “No”, in the mirror for months. I don’t get to use it that often, so I want to get it right.

  • Zed
    February 8, 2019 at 11:39 am

    Joe is going to do well in life. Ever see the Gimp in Pylo Fiction? He seemed happy

  • Rats Nest
    February 8, 2019 at 11:33 am

    In 60 days you can bury him in the TB graveyard. I love watching fools destroy themselves….

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