Ham Slam Bigelow Picks Up And Assaults Preschool Kid For Stealing His Father’s Day Card, Demands Kid Be Arrested, Ends Up Getting Arrested Instead
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Assaulting children is never funny. But this is pretty close:
Holy shit, it’s the Amish Bam Bam Bigelow!!
You think that little kid is ever gonna steal anyone’s property again? Doubtful.
But yea, that must’ve been one of the most awkward situations of all time. Little kid steals the guy’s father’s day card and starts running around with it. Lush Limbaugh gives chase. Other parents and teachers assume it’s all in good, clean, playful fun, since the kid is in preschool and he weighs 270 pounds. Dad picks child up over head. Others still assume it’s all in good fun, but start to get weirded out. Kungfu Carey then pins him to the ground and starts screaming to him about respect. Things get really awkward and finally daycare provider realizes he has lost his marbles and pulls him off.
Now let’s just assume for a minute that this was a temporary lapse in judgement and he got carried away. It would still make him a huge asshole, but at least he could use the “I snapped” defense.
Not this nudnik though. He has time to collect himself and think about what he just did for five minutes while they await the arrival of the cops. And what does he do when they get there? He demands that the child be arrested for stealing his property. Ya got that? A three year old should be arrested for taking his father’s day card for a brief joyride to the sleeping mat area. Can’t make this stuff up.
My question is, what was it like when his wife bailed him out of jail? Because this guy seems to be happily married with two kids and lives in an expensive part of Connecticut. By all signs they’re living a perfectly normal life. How do you explain that one to your wife? I have a tough time coming up with an answer when Mrs. Turtleboy asks me why the toilet seat is up. But yea, picking up someone else’s child, pinning him to the ground, screaming at him, and then demanding he be arrested – I’d be in the doghouse for at least a fortnight. This guy is fucked in more ways than one.
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