Here Are Dennis Dinky Ticklers Who Were Busted Midthrust Banging In Front Of Children 100 Feet From Shore

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Earlier today we blogged about the lovebirds who were interrupted midthrust while boning in the ocean at Mayflower Beach in Dennis. Well, now we know everything about them…..

Cape Cod Times: Three teenagers arrested on Mayflower Beach Tuesday afternoon after allegedly having sex in the water while a crowd gathered to cheer them on, and a friend who police say didn’t listen when he was told to leave the area, will not be arraigned for six months, an Orleans District Court judge said.

Julianna Murphy, of Penfield, New York; Stephen Cerrone, of Quechee, Vermont; Lukas Kaminski, of Hopkinton, all 19, and 18-year-old Molly Hines of Penfield, New York, were each arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct on Tuesday after causing a scene at the crowded Dennis Beach, according to a police report. The four teens and several adults shielded their faces from the public Wednesday in court, where Judge Robert Welsh III agreed to postpone their arraignments while they participate in a program for youth offenders.

Giving new meaning to motion of the ocean!! Here they are in all their glory…

Julianna Murphy from Penfield, NY:

Well, that was her like 5 years ago. She’s all grown up now:

And as you can see she is ready to party!! 

Clearly what we’ve got here is a chick who had a rough puberty, rounded into form nicely by her senior year, and is now making up for lost time by doing all the things (and dudes) she was unable to do as a freshman. 

Here’s boner jam #2, Stephen Cerrone:

Eat your heart out AC Slater!! No wonder those chicks couldn’t leave. Not with Spandex McGee giving them the piledriver!! 

Here’s soursnatch kid #3, Molly Hines, also of Penfield, NY:

Mommy and Daddy are gonna LOVE this one!! What better way to send your daughter off to college than by taking her on vacation to the Cape and having her get arrested for letting some guy she just met dig up some of her sand crabs at high tide. Penfield is in upstate New York, about an hour from Buffalo. Which means these two broads are probably Bills fans. Which means they probably had no idea fucking in public was against the law. 

It doesn’t stipulate who was fucking who, but one of these chicks was doing the greased weasel tango with Stephen Cerrone, and the other one took one for the team and was letting a 17 year old fill out his college applications inside her penis fly trap. Because he’s a minor we don’t know his name. Here’s how it all went down:

Just after 1:30 p.m. on Independence Day, Dennis Detective Matthew Turner was approached by a beach monitor for the town of Dennis who reported that he had been told that several people were having sex in the water, Turner wrote in the report. When Turner responded to the report, he saw four individuals, later identified as Murphy, Cerrone, Hines and a 17-year-old boy, “embraced with one another” about 100 feet from shore, Turner wrote.

“I could not observe exactly what was going on, however both couple(s) were extremely closely embraced,” he wrote. “Each embraced couple were at a minimum kissing and stumbling about in the waves.”

100 feet from shore? How did people even know they were filling up the gas tank? That’s far out man! He could’ve just been trying to find Nemo. Who’s gonna be the corroborating witness at the trial? Jaws?

This seems like a pretty easy case to beat. Did anyone actually see penetration from that far out? I doubt it. If I’m them I admit nothing. They were drunk. He got nervous when some seaweed started wrapping around his flaccid rumpleforeskin. So they sucked face for a while and she told it happened to lots of guys. No harm, no foul. Case dismissed.

About 25 people onshore, both adults and children, were watching in “disbelief,” according to Turner. About 30 people in the water were watching the couples and cheering them on, he wrote. A man with two small children said, “this is disgusting, why is this allowed to go on here,” Turner wrote. After the teenagers did not respond to Turner yelling at them several times, or to a lifeguard’s whistle, the lifeguard entered the water and asked them to exit the water, the report says. The couples didn’t respond and continued “embracing and kissing,” according to Turner. When a second lifeguard went in after them, they began to come to shore, according to the report.

Man, they weren’t fucking around. No pun intended. Does this look like the kind of chick who’s gonna let some lifeguard break up her gland-to-gland combat after getting liquored up at 11 AM?

Nope. She came there to climax. And climax she will. 

Turner detected a strong smell of alcohol and slurred speech from all four teenagers, who were yelling and crying for Turner to let them go, he wrote. About three hundred people gathered to watch the interaction, he said. Hines refused to obey Turner’s request for her to stay seated, according to the report.

Once again, if you thought this chick was gonna let some Dennis cop interrupt her while a strange 17 year old was harpooning the salty otter

then you don’t know how Buffalo chicks roll. 

Kaminski, who was not in the water with the others, was arrested after he repeatedly approached officers and the other teenagers on the beach despite Turner’s requests for him to leave the area, according to Turner’s report.

This poor guy.

He sees dead people. 

He has the misfortune of going to take a piss, missing the gangbang, and then coming back to find the 17 year old jumped in and took his place. Oh, and he’s the 2016 MIAA State Wrestling champ, so you know those chicks were about to get the people’s elbow. Bet they don’t do that in Buffalo!! 

Anyway, we thought about not blowing these idiots up because it’s humiliating. But then again, how stupid can you be? We get it, you guys are edgy and like to break the rules. We all did when we were 18. But this is just taking it too far. You don’t play bury the broomstick in front of small children unless you’re trying to make it onto Turtleboy. 

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